I have 2 children aged 1 and 2. I have a very low income and find it hard to save more than £20 a week without us all going without.. I am totally skint! I have brought them a bike/trike each and many other little bits! But according to the babysitter i should spend every bit of spare money on them, after my weekly bills are paid, i have £50 left to get food, nappies and clothe us with. It is not possible to buy anything else. Of course i want whats best for my kids, but until i get a better job, im stuck....should i just listen to her run on or tell her to drop it, i cant fall out with her cuz shes the only person i have to babysit when im at work and she has helped me out a lot! I jest feel like such a bad mum coz of what she says. What should i do??
2006-12-19 23:55:40 · 81 answers · asked by ? 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You are doing the best for them and it sounds like they are going to have a great Christmas! You want what's best for your kids and what's best is a mum that loves them and that sound like you.
If you were to spend £5000, £500, £50 or £5 on your children or shopped at Hamleys or the Charity shop - do you think they would have an opinion on the gift? No! They will love whatever you give them. They are 1 and 2 - probably the bow and paper will be the main entertainment!
Buy no more than you already have. You know your limits and you should stick to them. At the end of the day - would you rather have them fed and clean without worry for the next month or give them a toy that will probably lie unplayed with for the sake of trying to keep up with another adult's silly comments?
Tell her you could afford more if you dropped her wages!! It's not her job to put in her opinion about personal matters.
You are a good mum, you love your kids and you're doing what you know is ideal for them. Even with a better job do you think that would alter your mothering skills? No, of course not. A child's true happiness is fuelled by what comes from the parent's heart not their wallet and I bet your kids are truely happy.
I hope you have an amazing Christmas Day and a greaat 2007.x
2006-12-20 07:22:08 · answer #1 · answered by wee stoater 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her make you feel guilty. Your kids have plenty of presents. In any case, it's not about how much you spend on your kids it's about how much you love and care for them. The best parts of Christmas for kids are the little things you do together - the decorations, special dinner, crackers, paper hats etc.
She is going to be a bad mum if she thinks that she can buy her kids affection.
My friend was a nanny for a child from a wealthy family and this kid had absolutely everthing you could think of. Yet the poor girl was unhappy. Why? Because her parents had no time for her at all. Until my friend went to work for them no-one had ever just sat down and played with the kid or given her any attention. Tons of money - terrible parents.
2006-12-20 03:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by grown-up 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Donya ! How little your babysitter knows about children. Take notice of the people on this site who tell you that love and attention matters so much more than stuff you can buy. Take it from me (and them) that they (the children) won't care a fig as long as you are there giving them all the attention and little things will mean so much to them. Chances are anyway that after opening any big posh presents they will prefer to play with the wrapping and the boxes ! Swish, expensive toys salve the consciences of the PARENTS and do nothing for the kids. So if you can't do without the babysitter, either ignore her with a sweet smile, or remind her nicely that its up to you how they are brought up and she's just the hired help.
Good luck - you sound like a thoughtful Mum who any kid would be proud to have
2006-12-20 00:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by JACKIE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are only tots, and do not know the value of things. They would be happy with the box it came in!!
Spending money on kids is lazy parenting - its easier to plonk them down in front of the TV than it is to interact with them.
Spend only what you can afford. Its better to make the whole Xmas experience happy - so you need to spend money on food as well - than to buy them something expensive that will be out of date or too small for them by the end of the year.
I have freinds with kids who spend a fortune, and the rest of the family do the same, the kids have no idea of the value of money or the importance of just being together with the family and freinds at Xmas. That is afterall whats important. Any spare money you have could go into a savings fund for when they are older, but I think you are doing the right thing.
The kids will remember their first bike, you dont need to buy hundreds of other things.
As for your baby sitter, she clearly has a very warped view of motherhood and family values. Just smile and tell her you are doing things your way. If it gets her off your back, tell her that you put all your spare money into a savings fund so you can help them get a good education in years to come.
NB: If you were spending the rest of your money on fags, booze and drugs then she may have had a point!
2006-12-20 00:05:21 · answer #4 · answered by Bellasmum 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not a bad Mum at all, quite the opposite! Too many people get into debt at Christmas. The main thing is that you spend TIME with your kids and anyway, the gifts you have got them sound great.
If you can find another babysitter, then please do....she doesn't seem like a good friend at all.
There have been times when my Mum and Dad didn't have much spare cash, but we ALWAYS adored Christmas.....Mum would save cash by making things for us like cross stitch pictures and mix tapes and I adored those gifts because of all the love that had gone into them; what the cost was, who cared?
You carry on being a great Mum - I am sure that 2007 will bless you with a better job. In the meantime, your kids love you for who you are, NOT how much money you have...believe me.
Happy Christmas to you all! x
2006-12-20 00:02:08 · answer #5 · answered by smee_1972 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My god, when I was 2 the most played with thing was the big cardboard box the presents came in!
My parents didn't have much money and my gifts weren't expensive or the very latest thing, and believe me I never grew up resenting my parents for not spending every penny on me.
The best present you can get your kids is spending time playing with them over Christmas. That's what I remember the most. Take them out to the local park on Christmas day with their new bikes and you'll see how happy they are with their presents.
It's unfortunate that some people these days set too much store by how much a gift costs rather than how much thought has gone into it. In today's debt ridden consumer society it's nice to see someone being sensible and raising their children in an environment where they can learn the value of things. Don't pay too much attention to your friend, you're doing a terrific job!
2006-12-20 00:27:49 · answer #6 · answered by Andrea S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids have plenty of presents. In any case, it's not about how much you spend on your kids it's about how much you love and care for them. The best parts of Christmas for kids are the little things you do together - the decorations, special dinner, crackers, paper hats etc.
She is going to be a bad mum if she thinks that she can buy her kids affection.
My friend was a nanny for a child from a wealthy family and this kid had absolutely everthing you could think of. Yet the poor girl was unhappy. Why? Because her parents had no time for her at all. Until my friend went to work for them no-one had ever just sat down and played with the kid or given her any attention. Tons of money - terrible parents.
2014-10-03 12:18:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's not the only person you have! There are organisations that can help! I would not stand my babysitter telling me I'm a bad mother because lets face it, that's what she's doing! I'm guessing you are a single parent so you can get help with child minder fees, look into it. Kids that age won't even remember what you bought for them in 2 yrs time so don't worry about what you have got them, my 3 are only getting one big thing each & a few little pressies, anything more than that & you'll be up to your neck in toys!
2006-12-20 01:09:37 · answer #8 · answered by C Greene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be polite but put her in her place. Tell her "I appreciate your concern that I don't spend enough on the kids for Christmas but money is tjght right now." Then remind her of the real meaning of Christmas, not presents but the birth of Christ and let her know that you will teach your children about the real meaning of christmas. My children are older than yours and they can't even remember what they got last year for Christmas so it not going to be a big deal as long as you love your kids thats all that matters, not what anybody else thinks. Next year try putting twodollars a week back starting Jan 1 by 2 weeks til christmas you'll have 100 to spend i spent that on 4 and they still have nice gifts.
2006-12-20 00:18:09 · answer #9 · answered by peteybug76 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are organisations that can help! I would not stand my babysitter telling me I'm a bad mother because lets face it, that's what she's doing! I'm guessing you are a single parent so you can get help with child minder fees, look into it. Kids that age won't even remember what you bought for them in 2 yrs time so don't worry about what you have got them, my 3 are only getting one big thing each & a few little pressies, anything more than that & you'll be up to your neck in toys!
2014-10-09 10:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋