2006-12-19 23:43:19 · 24 answers · asked by JOHN M 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
whats a fly with no wings called
a walk
2006-12-19 23:44:53 · answer #1 · answered by sarina 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
These are True 1 liners, Twist on famous sayings, enjoy:
Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory.
I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it?
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older Then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
My husband and I divorced over religious
differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
.He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
2006-12-20 07:57:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay here are a few:
One-liner ( Page 1 )
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• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.
• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
• What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.
• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.
• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"
• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?
• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.
• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.
• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
2006-12-20 07:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
1. What goes zzub? A bee flying backwards!
2. What's a shitzu? A zoo with no animals?
3. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper - he sold his soul to Santa?
Not a one liner but...
2 cannibals having a chat....the first says to the other "I don't like your wife!" Second says "well just leave her and eat your fries instead!"
2006-12-20 07:52:44 · answer #4 · answered by Stephen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man takes the day off work and
decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is
about to shoot when he
hears,
"Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't
see anyone. Again, he
hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
at the frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the
cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the
man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The
man is befuddled and doesn't know
what to say. By the end
of the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas"
They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, "OK frog, now
what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man
asks, "What do you think I should
bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
$3000, black 6."
Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the golf game the man
figures what the heck.
Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and
I am forever grateful."
The frog replies,
"Ribbit KissMe."
He figures why not,
since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that... Your Honor, is how the girl
ended up in my room. So help me God
2006-12-20 07:52:13 · answer #5 · answered by Norm 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Iv got three. the third is quite long.
There are three players from arsnel,west ham and chelsea. The player from west ham says im having ham for lunch. The player from chelsea says im having sea food. The player from arsenal says im having ****.. oh no sorry im havin chinese.
Mum: So, how was your first day at school jack?
Jack: Alright exept there was this man called the teacher who kept on bossing us around.
There are 3 men in a forest. they bump into a ancient priest who says to pass they must get 3 types of food. ten of each. the first man has 10 apples . the priest says now stick em up your bum. he manages 7 and then he starts crying. the priest says no you must die. the man was killed and his spirit started floating above the priest. the second man had 10 blueberries. he managed 9 up his bum and then he started laughing. he was also killed and his spirit went up. the first spirit said to the second spirit why did you start laughing you could of gone through. well the second person said through fits of laughter i saw the person after me had 10 pineapples!
2006-12-20 08:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by :)☮♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is a joke. Erm I have no punchline just fill in the blanks as you see fit
2006-12-20 08:17:57 · answer #7 · answered by Dragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you get a fat bird into bed? - Piece of cake
Why is a Pirate called a Pirate? - Cause they arrrrr!
Did you here about the Irish Turkey? - It's looking forward to Christmas
2006-12-20 07:48:55 · answer #8 · answered by bagmouss 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
He lay in bed all night wondering about the existence of dog.
2006-12-20 11:15:35 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did the three kings smell like smoke? Because they came from a far.
To make it funny you need to put a southern redneck accent on "A far" to make it sound like "A fire". Practice it first to make sure you have it right. They'll get it.
2006-12-20 07:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by Jim C 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋