how do you handle inlaws?

Question

who seem to be jealous of any succes you have that they perceive as better than they have achieved--career, house, car, etc. And they refuse to stay at our house because of it and if we happen to talk about any of it it's perceived as rubbing it in. for example, we are a young couple who bought our first home about 6 months ago and it's every bit as nice as theirs, and instead of congratulations, their comment was, "well, it isn't what we would have picked" and " your driveway is a nightmare" (drive way is pretty steep) and "too bad it doesn't have another bedroom or family room, and There is a lot of work to do in that yard." Then they kept talking about their daughters rental and how nice it was. How should I handle this appropriately? It just kind of pisses me off. Should I not say anything or ever bring up our house? I sent picts of some house improvements along w/ scenery picts andthe comment back was, we really enjoyed the scenery picts.

Answer 1

well first of all congratulations on the purchase of your new home. Gees, sounds as though they are a little jealous. And that is their issue. I would not allow it to rain on my happiness. Just ignore them. And don't send them anymore pic unless they happen to ask. Just leave them out of the loop, then you will not have to deal with their attitudes. Only share with those who are genuinely happy for you, don't waste your time with the the ignorance. Just tolerate them when you must. Must really suck to be them. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 2

For god sake woman start reacting now because the longer you allow your in-laws to do these hurtful and down right rude things to you the worse it will get and i know how bad it gets believe me.The stupid thing is is to believe you can carry on the way you are with them forever bringing you down with blow after blow and you forever being the poor soul who says nothing and bites her lip.The trouble is even the best us can only take so much abuse before we blow a fuse and when you do the explosion is louder and fiercer than ever and always in front of others or at an inappropriate time and results in you looking the bad guy.The thing to do is either confront your in-laws at their next tongue bash ing and always do that from then on this way certain peoples memories cant elapse and you cant be made a liar later on,then politely but firmly make the point of how often they seem to be doing this to you both and how much your feelings are being hurt.You may find that don't realise just how bad they are,but i doubt it!If not then after you have both decided you have had enough and can stand firm together(never show weakness between the both of you even if you have to hide your emotions towards each other until you go home) and you tell them that you dont appreciate their attitude and that you dont speak or treat them in that way and just because they are parents doesn't mean they don't have to show you as much decency and respect as you show to them.Be warned though if you are not prepared to give your speech and get a negative response that will result in a search soul common ground or a possible parting of ways, then don't dare bring up their faults as parents or how bad they have acted or else your be apologising forever for nothing and thats worse than the original problem.I have been with my partner(and only child)for nine years and its only in the last two that we have been able turn round the damage caused in the previous 7 years and we are now starting to see results and we were 17 and nineteen when this started in 1997 and at nearly 27 and 29 we look back and wished we said something sooner rather than just take it for years,cos we are all happy now and its great.

Answer 3

First of all, this is just life. Some people you just can't please, so let it go through one ear and out the other. You are happy with your home and I am assuming that your mate is as well, so why do you care what these people think? I am a guy who has parents like this, and they pretty much did my wife the same way until I had it out with them a few years back. It was troubling to me and to my wife, but we enjoy our lives and we have to live with our decisions regardless of what Mom and Pop think about it (or to my wife - the in-laws). The hard facts are, it doesn't matter if you paved the driveway in gold and had 4 automated bathrooms, these people would find fault with it. Just brush it off, because if you don't you are wasting precious time worrying about it with a no win on pleasing them. Oh, by the way, they will always find their other daughter or son as the case may be to be better than you. I don't know what makes them that way, but it is just a fact of life to be ignored (I didn't say you couldn't be pissed- just realize that there is nothing you can do that will change them). Good luck - just enjoy the life that you have!

Answer 4

The best way to handle it is not to give a d*mn. Really. Being around these people just bring you down. Just because they are inlaws does not mean that you have to have a close relationship with them. I would be polite when necessary and other than that back away from them. Life is too short to let snobby jealous immature unkind people ruin it.
Next time they say something like this boldly ask them if there is anything about the place that they think is nice. Be glad that they won't stay there. They are a pain

Answer 5

Don't take it all so personal, difficult as that may be. It sounds like they feel threatened by you and your success, probably also by the relationship you have with their child. Perhaps he/she has changed since meeting you. Personally I woouldn't confrontb them about it but would take their comments with a rye smile. Do you need them to be pleased for you? Is it affecting your relationship with our spouse? It may be the case that they are secretly very impressed and proud at this competant achiever who has come into their family but don't know how to express it and end up getting defensive. If you really want to talk to them about it then certainly I would start any conversation by saying how important your relationship with them is and how much you value it, then apologising if your mannere makes them uncomfortable or that you have a tendancy to show off (even though you don't) but that you don't feel that they are as supportive of the life you are building with their child as they could be. Maybe even do it less direct than that. They sound like a nightmare. Good luck

Answer 6

Well I think you should be applauded for hanging in there. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I really think THEIR child should handle it. I think their child, with you present...as a united front, should tell them point blank :Your remarks are condescending, you are not children so I do not need to point out how you act..you need to figure it out and clean it up. Its not proper and we do not deserve it. We respect you and want to maintain a relationship with you, you WILL do the same."
There really isn't any discussion further than that unless they want to discuss something else. You need to stand your ground together and let them know that it won't be tolerated - be firm because if you aren't, it will continue to happen regardless of what you say in this conversation!There could be some jealousy there, but they are adults and have to get past it. I definitely think you should face it head on with your spouse so that nothing can get distorted!! Good luck! Keep your chin up.

Answer 7

Continue to be the loving daughter in law that you are, and don't get stress, after they find that you are not being effected by their comments, they will come around. How do you know that they don't brag about you when they are away from you? Maybe their comments are made so that you will continue to do better, it could be reverse psychology on their part. Is it working? Congratulations on your new house.

Answer 8

Next time these comments arise I would say example
Well this isn't what I would have picked I would say well we really like it and we worked had for it.
Simple as that they will get the point
Sounds like they are not happy with there life
they sound miserable. Maybe my mother in law can move in with them she is Im not even going to say what she is

Answer 9

Just say, "Well, WE like it, and it's not really a contest for who has the best house, is it?" Then talk about something else, cuz your're never going to make jealous, petty people happy, anyway.

Answer 10

Instead of being happy for you and your husband, they're jealous.
Don't tell them anything about your home. Congrats for buying your own home, enjoy it and fix it up the way you want. Make it your comfort zone.