Now I have my own family I am slowly trying to enjoy it for my children's sake anyway. However this year seems worst! I have recently had a new born baby 5 weeks now and is recoverying from a c-section. The problem is my hubby's nephew wants to spend xmas with us as he has done for the past 2 years. I have not got a problem with this, but he wants to bring his 5 months pregnant girl friend who i have only met once for 1 hour. I do not feel comfortable about this and have spoken to my hubby who agreed at frist, but feeling pressured from is family- he has now done a u-turn saying that he can understand his nephew wanting to spend xmas with her. I am not at all comfortable and I have told him that if they come I will spend xmas at my mother with our two kids. Do you think I am going over the top? No doubt I will be the one doing all the cooking and cleaning. I know nothing about this girl other than her age. I am now feeling extremly depressed and do not know how to deal with this.
2006-12-19 22:14:25 · 27 answers · asked by fire 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i think your feeling rather emotional which is understandable but maybe this is clouding your judgement. imagine if your husband was going to stay with his family for xmas and they said they didn't want you to come because one of the family members didn't know you very well?
however i think what you can say to him is that you are feeling tired and not well and it will be his responsibility to do the cooking and cleaning. i think that is fair. and stress to him that you are feeling depressed and want to be able to relax over the xmas period.
2006-12-19 22:17:27 · answer #1 · answered by Empress 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Fortunately or unfortunately, she will be in your lives forever. Her child will become a member of your family, with or without the benefit of marriage. Since you just had a baby, you may be suffering from Post-Partum depression and should get some professional help as soon as you can. Just focus on what you 2 have in common - be a mentor for her. She is probably scared and feeling out of place. Be the bigger person - you're probably such a wonderful host that that's why people want to spend the special holidays with you. Your nephew loves you and deserves better treatment - he's no doubt stressed out too.
2006-12-19 22:21:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the whole situation has got out of hand. You are obviously very depressed and this issue you have with your nephews girlfriend coming over has become a way for you to vent your feelings of depression and anger. The issue has become magnified. You need to ask yourself what your problem is with your nephews girlfriend coming round? What are your main concerns? You don't know her very well obviously having only met her for an hour but spending Christmas together is the ideal way to get to know someone. As a fellow female, she'll probably be able to provide some much needed assistance with the cooking and cleaning as well! You're nephew is family and if this girl is having his child, you should welcome her into the family as well. Christmas is a stressful time and I understand you're feeling stressed about cooking a big meal, but what difference is one extra person going to make? You will have a terrible Christmas if you spend it at your Mothers away from your husband and your children will have a terrible Christmas away from your dad. The best way to deal with it is stop worrying, stop making things worse by arguing about it and stop getting yourself stressed. Just relax and approach the situation calmly. Realsise it isn't such a masive problem and that it will be nice to get to know this girl.
2006-12-19 22:24:16 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are dealing with a great deal, the birth of a new baby, and you have already said Christmas and Holidays are a difficult time for you. However, the decision has been made, so there is very little you can do. But go with it, and make the best of it. Try to be happy and think positive, she may very well be a very nice young lady and besides you don't have to live with her. Just spend a few hours with her. Be strong you can do this. And you may be pleasantly surprised, give her a chance. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-19 22:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the reason you are feeling this way is mainly due to post natal hormones. i do however think your going a tad ott after all this girl is 5 months pregnant and is probably feeling scared and exactly the way you are about it. you should put in the effort and you never know you both might get on brilliantly you'll both have the pregnancys and kids to talk about and she can lend a hand in the kitchen etc. try to relax and enjoy it and not worry too much. just try and think how you would of felt if at 5 months pregnant you couldnt of spent xmas day with your partner due to a relative feeling "uncomfortable"......
2006-12-19 23:21:41 · answer #5 · answered by dubgirl26 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have had a tough enough time without your husband making it worse. I can't imagine the amount of stress you must be put under I think that your husband has to put you and your children first like you have said you find Christmas a hard enough time as it is and it's not like his nephew hasn't been welcome before but sometimes you would like to spend it with your own family,Like you your hubby and children. I can also understand you feeling depressed I have been like that myself and it makes it a lot harder. I really think you should put your foot down and let him know how you feel!. All i can say is i hope you feel better soon, hopefully have a good Christmas and new year.
Gilly.
2006-12-19 22:30:01 · answer #6 · answered by Gilly 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Man, you have alot on your plate. Poor thing! I understand what you are feeling. Your husband should agree with you on this. Why cant your nephew and his girlfriend spend that time some where else?! Get your husband alone and tell him that you would prefer this be a immediate family Christmas this year. You have a newborn, no sleep, house and husband to take care of, probably other things as well. My heart goes out to you! Hope things work out for the best!
2006-12-19 22:21:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you can try to keep your attitude positive and make your nephew and gf feel welcome, making your husband happier too. Regarding the cleaning and cooking and all the other househld chores, you just had a C-section and you have every bit of right to ask your husband, our nephew and his gf to help out with a big smile on your face. Be warm and friendly but ask them to help out too. In fact, the grouping may give some time off too, since his gf is pregnant too and would love to cuddle your newborn, which is very natural.
2006-12-19 22:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After what you have been through, your husband should not expect you to host, entertain and cook for guests. Since his family thinks this nephew and his g/f should spend Christmas together, they can invite them to their homes. Personally I would not leave the comfort of my home. I'd tell hubby if they show up, I'm sending them on their way and if he has a problem with that, he can go with them.
2006-12-19 23:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just had a baby. Do not understand the others answering with this acceptance of the entire clan. Your marriage and the children from that are your only obligations/responsibility - the rest of the family is secondary and have no rights to interfere in your marriage/personal home life. Make a stand - your husband married you, made a vow to place his loyalty to you above his mother, father and all others. That nephew and his pregnant girlfriend - why is that so accepted on this site? She is pregnant without a marriage, ring, planning - nephew the proud father of his illegitimate child. They made their bed - let them lie in it somewhere else and let you recoop, relax, and enjoy your Christmas with your new baby....
2006-12-19 22:46:12 · answer #10 · answered by Quest 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Christmas can be a dperessing time for many. However, what is realy the problem. HEck go for it gal and make this a special Christmas.
Just perhaps this gal might surprise you and kick in and be a great help to you with the cooking etc.
Just perhaps, you can show this gal your talents and influnece her to do better in life. Wouldnt that make your christmas even better.
Relax about all this and have a joyful time. Let your hair down and enjoy all the things you have especailly that new child of yours. congratulations and merry
Christmas.
2006-12-19 22:21:58 · answer #11 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋