How to overcome my confidence problems with girls?

Question

I am 20. and i am having problems with girls
Last time i liked some female friends
Well ...
there were like 4 or maybe 5 ? All of them ended up badly
All of them became my enemies ...
One of them even tried to threaten me by saying that she would commit suicide?Just because i tried to be honest with his "boyfriend" and tell him i liked her, and suddenly his Boyfren just went "poofffff" gone without a trace ...
That rocked my confidence real hard and now i hate female/gals more than ever
LOL i know this is sad
Even with my own neighbour, i also became enemies
The only thing i am good at is school stuffs ... Studying, stress the hell out of myself and get good marks ... thats all i can do

And i had strong feeling that those female friends of mine just wanted to borrow my brain? Besides its real hard for me to talk to them other than discussing school subject materials

So far i ve only met some weird girls. Those that are either:
- not interested in having boyfriend
- egoist
- arrogant
I hardly met a girl that i enjoy talking to. Besides school stuff i dont even know what to talk about with them

Well actually now i liked one girl, but yeah she is just too perfect for me
i think im ugly, obese, useless, lacks social interaction ...

I dont know what to do. I just dont have the courage to tell girls that i liked them
I am afraid that they will all end up being my enemies again

Plus i have this weird voice inside me that keeps me from doing something
sometimes it says: Dont talk to her if you want to get good test result ... bla bla bla

pretty fed up with this condition :P
Plus when i look around, most of my friends have already got a GF or at least had felt what it is like to be in a serious relationship

Well i think im in deep trouble here +_+

Any suggestion?

Answer 1

I hate to say it, but they probably were friends with you only because of what they can get out of you.

The responses you explain are natural for girls that don't like you. I got the same number of them in high school. But I never went and told a girl's boyfriend that I liked the girl. That's totally uncalled for.

Don't get discouraged . . . the average guy has like a 10% success rate. And given that those girls were probably using you, they don't count toward that total. I'm not saying you should exclude a girl because she wants you to help her out. Some of them might make their approach that way. Just don't expect them to have a high turnover rate when you ask them out. If anything, I would expect it to be LOWER.

Because you're the studious type, you will enjoy this guy's articles: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/
He points out a lot of stuff that will help you next time. I think your problem lies in something you aren't telling us. Maybe you're too clingy or too straightforward. No matter, the Doc will set you straight. He has an Internet radio show too. Listen to it here:
http://www.worldtalkradio.com/show.asp?sid=202
His book is good too, but I don't know if you have that much money to spare. I think it's worth it to you to learn what you're doing wrong. Just remember that every rule has exceptions. The Doc doesn't talk too much about exceptions because it would confuse beginners too much.

I suspect your problem has to do with you not knowing how to detect when a girl is rejecting you, or when you should reject girls. If you read up on it, you will understand what you've been doing wrong. It really isn't that difficult to understand, but I don't want to write a book on Yahoo! Answers. Soon, I anticipate that you will have a whole new way of thinking. If you need more help, email me.

Good night!

OK, I see you added more details while I was writing my answer. Now let's see:

"So far i ve only met some weird girls. Those that are either:
- not interested in having boyfriend
- egoist
- arrogant"

--Well, those sound like typical attitudes of girls that DON'T LIKE YOU. Most girls you encounter will not like you. It's a fact of life unless you're like a celebrity or something. Rest assured that if they found you sufficiently attractive they would GET interested in having a boyfriend just to have you. That's the kind of woman you deserve. If you have to win them over (which could not happen in 99% of cases), then you have no business pursuing it any further.

You think you have it bad. When I was in high school, it happened TWICE that the girls I liked happened to be bisexual. The second one was PREGNANT too! The other rejections were similar to yours . . . I just didn't know when to give up.

"I hardly met a girl that i enjoy talking to. Besides school stuff i dont even know what to talk about with them"

--I have the same problem, because I don't watch much TV or anything like that. Now that I'm in college, part of the "problem" is that I don't drink and most of my friends drink. You should join some social clubs at school (even academic clubs are social) and TALK TO PEOPLE.

"Well actually now i liked one girl, but yeah she is just too perfect for me"

--She probably isn't. The last girl I liked in high school was that way. She lied to me for a while about having a boyfriend, but eventually that fell through when I saw her flirting with other guys.

"i think im ugly, obese, useless, lacks social interaction ..."

--Well, you can do something about most of this. You might not be ugly. I can't tell, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not ugly and I thought I was based on the reactions I got from girls in high school. If you're obese, eat healthier and exercise. It's the only way. Don't starve yourself, mind you. You're growing and you need to eat. Just eat plenty of healthy food and get lots of rest. Your social skills can be fixed too. But you have to TALK to people.

"I dont know what to do. I just dont have the courage to tell girls that i liked them"

--You shouldn't be telling them that you like them so much, you should be asking them out on dates. If you suddenly tell girls that you like them, you will make them lose respect for you. In many cases they will not like you. But rest assured that if you ask them out on dates, they will understand that you like them. Since you're in school, you probably can't manage to take them out on dates (if you can, you're luckier than I was).

"I am afraid that they will all end up being my enemies again"

--I think the problem here is that you aren't backing off soon enough. You don't know the signs of rejection or disinterest, so you just rush in and tell these girls how you feel about them. If you keep doing that, you will make them feel guilty and angry at you. In their minds, they HAVE rejected you already and you haven't noticed.

"Plus i have this weird voice inside me that keeps me from doing something
sometimes it says: Dont talk to her if you want to get good test result ... bla bla bla"

--Fcuk that! You are imagining problems you don't have and unaware of problems you do have.

"pretty fed up with this condition :P
Plus when i look around, most of my friends have already got a GF or at least had felt what it is like to be in a serious relationship"

--Dude, don't be in such a hurry. When you're single, it REALLY looks that way. You just need to stop worrying about what other people think.

"Well i think im in deep trouble here +_+"

--You are, but fortunately I just gave you a rope ladder to climb out of the abyss of ignorance.

"Any suggestion?"

--Well, I have a few more. You NEED to have the attitude "I like myself no matter what anyone else thinks of me." You have to be tough like that, or else you will seem desperate when you approach these girls. You also need to have the mindset that you can improve whatever you need to improve about yourself in order to succeed. And remember, it's better to be alone than with the wrong girl. Oh God, yes it is. You don't NEED a girlfriend. You need to get your life straight and learn how to deal with women. And remember that most girls under the age of 22 are crazy.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Sad. Just try talking to random people you come across. It will be disastrous for a while, but it'd improve your people skills. Once that's out the way, start to talk more to girls and get insight to the feminine mind. Then, just get to know these girls well and then approach them. They'll feel more comfortable and your chances will increase. Best of luck and relax, they aren't gonna bite you.

PS Somewhere, learn when to say the truth and lie horribly...for you sake man.

Answer 3

well, you'll have to find a smart girl then.

don't be intimidated into talking about stuff you don't care about.

or go out and try something fun, like in my town there are free ballroom dancing classes going on all the time, and clubs, bars, coffee, music venues, hiking, etc.

go do fun stuff by yourself and a smart girl might start up conversation with you. i know i meet plenty of interesting people when i go out on my own.

Answer 4

never, ever interfere with another person's relationship under any circumstances. EVER! Keep your nose in your books, and your brain on the subject materials. When you're educated you'll hopefully have more educated girls around you and less neurotic ones.

Answer 5

whats the hurry your'e still young?relax concentrate on your school life and what you want to achieve ,the right girl will come along when your least expecting it,dont try to impress them just be yourself,talk to them about anything 'the weather'etc.things will fall into place for you.there is someone for everyone just be patient.
GOODLUCK!

Answer 6

You need to cool down not take it as a problem for you, i see it as a child play my friend, becouse thro your chat with a girl if you know how to approch her automaticaly she well fall inlove with you before you know it will becom amazed for you i see that you have that fear in your mind be srong when chat with them there simple as ABCD. for this your problem now u can't make love with girl why my friend wake up