What exactly a married woman expects from a man beyond care,affection, food, shelter, good child& SocialStatus

Question

I elopoed with my wife, got traditionally married, lived happily for 10yrs, into 12th yr. I am a multiple professional, with own office and client base. My wife is in touch with all her relatives for the past two years except, her mother. She is not of my caste and her parents are not wealthy like us. Past two years my career graph is rising, With some difficulty I am managing exclusive sundays time with wife and child. Movies and outings are regular. Still she says I am not honest and likely to dessert her.SUSPCION is the word 4 past 2Yr. Over silly issues like my responses with my client, my client base quality, my friends, how I am compelled to stay away, how I interact with the people, all such things are under Microscope and gets annoyed, says that I am not caring. Remains silent for the days, weeks. Often threatens to leave me, kill herself. I am afraid of going home by every evening caz I don't know on what issue she becomes angry? My whole time is spent in trying to pacify her

Answer 1

She sounds like she needs some professional psychological help. I hope she gets some.

Answer 2

Wow that's a lot. Does your wife work for have any social life? If not then make an effort to get her into things. People who spend too much time alone often take a lot that you say as a slight and get very angry about it. Secondly why doesn't your wife speak to her mother? Is it over something she said to your wife or is it something your wife said to her? If that relationship can be repaired I would suggest trying to make sure it happens, people are often happier if they speak to their mothers on a regular bases. It sounds like your really busy, she's really lonely, and you both need to take a step back and look at your lives.
I would suggest getting your wife professional help if she's thinking about killing herself (even if you don't truly think it will happen). Imagine your child coming home from school or a friends house to find your wife dead. Not a good thing.
Other than that I suggest you both sit down and try to have a conversation (as adults). If she starts to get angry and yell, let her. Maybe she just really needs to vent and wants you to listen to her. Actually listen to what she's saying and see if there's anything you can do to be a better husband but ask the same of her. If your afraid to come home at night for fear of a fight then imagine how your wife feels, or even your child. Sitting down and talking might just help.
But you might have to look at the big picture. Take a step back and do what's best for you, your wife, but most of all your child. Take it from someone who had to listen to their parents fight all the time: (s)he's not happy about it, if (s)he's young enough it might even be frightening. Hearing your parents fight all the time (even over stupid things) scares children. It's also depressing and it can effect not only the way you and your wife go about your days but it can effect your child's school work and/or social life. The most important person in your life right now is your child, then you and your wife.
I hope this helps you. Have a Happy Holiday.

Answer 3

I dont know, it does sound very serious at this point. I would however, begin this way. Stop "trying to pacify her" -- women have been silenced far too long and far too often, and start listening to her. Instead of asking us what "a married woman" expects, ask her what she NEEDS.

Care and affection do not really speak to respect and love. She obviously fears you might be dishonest, or likely to desert her. You mention her caste here -- that might also be a key. Somehow, she does not feel your equal -- and has somehow gotten from you (your communicating to her in some way) that she is not good enough for you. Even without your saying it, she probably knows if you feel this way. In any case, your behavior and words are providing the clues she is going by.

The only thing that can really solve such things is communication -- heart to heart yes, but really mind to mind and soul to soul. You do not seem happy, and she is certainly not. Before you start to communicate (and this means your developing really good listening skills) you might want to sit down privately and think about what it is that YOU want from this relationship, what your actions have been, what they might communicate... and what you would like to communicate. Then the how might come to you better.

It all begins by listening, however. OFten we have a tendency to think about how to defend ourselves or respond while the other person is speaking and miss their point entirely.

However, asking the question means that you are headed down the right road.

I know there are VAST cultural differences at play here between you and I, however, the book that I most often use when teaching effective communication and gender differences is "You just dont understand, conversations between women and men" by Dr. D. Tannen. It is written by an American, but makes very valid points in learning the differences between male and female culture. I imagine that you spend time researching your clients needs and culture -- it might be helpful here too.

Again, just listen for a while.

Namaste

Answer 4

The Q you asked sound like "What does a good Car needs? Xtra premium petrol, regular oil change, weekly wash, Tyre change, and a good driver" Please do not assume human as things that we use for our needs.
Give her the freedom to do what she likes to do. I am sure she is just a house wife for 12 long years. Ask her what she would like to do some thing else then what she is doing today. Help her build her own relationship with other people in the society. May be she lived indoors for so many years and now she is feeling suffocated. Give her space to develop her hobbies, ask her to join some clubs or get in some kitty parties. You need to help her removing fears from her mind they are the worst culprit to spoil a married life.
May be you both need some counselling if you are open for such discussion, normally I know in India family counselling is not accepted as normal process of finding a solution in troubled marriage.
Best of Luck

Answer 5

Hi, seems like your wife is not able to understand your being away on business meetings and all...
My suggestion is try to change some... if there is a dinner meeting to which you can take your wife along, do it... try to involve her as much as you can in the things you do. It can be tiring to explain what you precisely do in your business. But it is worth your time if you can do it.
You say you have an office... do you need extra help there? Ask your wife to help out with stuff... that way, she will realise that u have nothing to hide. It also gives her something to do besides stay in touch with relatives.
All the best.

Answer 6

sorry dude
but first of all i need to appreciate that u have very good English and thats shows ur well educated and understanding

coming to ur question ... i would say only thing happens in love marriage is all wifes get hell lot of advices from relatives to scare her day lights out ... this is a sure procedure ... whether u believe it or not ... her family has made her insecure by saying many things abt u which was not true ... next logical question will be "why" i would say ego satisfaction since she didn't listen to them and they don't want her to be happy

wat does all this results ... show to next generation love marriages fail ... but will not show how ... this is very trick played by ppl for years together when someone realizes.. it is too late

so wat i suggest to ur wife is to ... confront her .. tell the situation and talk all the calls on speaker phone atleast for few days .. so that she believes u ... don't be away from her .. the more away ur the more she getting spoiled by her relatives ...

at last u told her mom is not talking to her still ... did u read between the lines ... she has not forgiven u and still wants her revenge ... all this might sound silly but it is true

best thing to do for u is .... take her for some small tour if u have kids they too will like it .. say her all that is in life is her .. tell her how important she is to all of u .... praise her .. give compliments ... try to make her avoid her relatives ... say u feel bad .. since they behave rudely with u ..

hope all this works

Answer 7

Ok... two things. Firstly, you say that you eloped with your wife. Of course that was twelve years back. Nevertheless she could always be harbouring the guilt of it... the guilt could have eventually turned to a kind of anger on you. Especially because her mother is not talking to her!

Secondly, you say she is not of a wealthy background. So, she may have always had an inferiority complex and this could have risen over the past two years when your career brightened. Se may be insecure that you may leave her any moment

So, you get the picture right. You could try getting her mother to talk to her. or, just make her feel loved by talking A LOT. Good luck!

Answer 8

This has nothing to do with social status etc. This poor woman is clinically depressed. These are sure signs that she is depressed. The silences, being morose, paranoia, anxiety, moodiness and above all threats of suicide. She needs to be psychologically and medically evaluated. With family help she can be convinced to seek treatment. Incidentally, there is no shame or stigma to this condition. It's no ones fault. She is undergoing a chemical and/or hormonal imbalance which can be treated. Until she gets help these biochemical maladies will continue to cause havoc on her mental and physical well being. Also it will be increasingly difficult for you or anyone else around her to deal with her so long as she remains like she is now. Untreated she will likely become worse. She can't help herself so now it's up to you, her husband, to get her the help she is in desperate need of.

Answer 9

Hi,

Every women expect her husband to be with her alltimes. But we cannot live in this world without working hard. We need that to lead a good life.

I would say, best take one or 2 days leave,Go out. Talk to her, tell her you are not cheating on her, tell her your job is like that. Say it poliety and control your angryness, eventhough she makes you more angry. Tell her to be frank. May be she might need some help from you to her parents. Or someother things which she expected and you could not have make it out.

Tell her to be frank . May be she might have got some depression with the relativesor some other thing, and since you have not much time to talk to her, She is depressed by keeping things with her.

Or you change your job. If you can't after finishing talking about the fact which she said. Tell her, that she is there in every of your successes. Since she made those scarifies with not spending time with her the most. You made this successes in life. Ask her does she needs to spoil that in life.

To the fact i think, she is not giving her self to think enough. So in this case, you never gets angry on her at anycost. Or may be, seeing her friends family going out together for some places, she might felt bad about it that she cannot go like that. Or kids might ask her and which she could not answer them and make them understand. So if it is the problem with kids, tell kids the truth of your work and let them know.

Answer 10

Hi, I think your wife needs you not any psychiatrists.The relation you share is the relation that needs care, faith and time. As you said you spend exclusive time with her taking her for movies and outing. This is fine.But a woman needs special care. That care does not mean outing but the care from innerside. You have to spend time with her. You need to communicate with her.

As you said your relation is about 10-12 years old, whatever she is doing for you, becomes day-to-day habits for you. Eg. taking care of you, cooking and house keeping, etc.
As you are working, you will be meeting so many persons but she has world around you only. So, as you are working for 5 days week with different person, you will be fine. But she is alone for those 5 days. She does not expect saturday sunday only from you. She needs some time from you during those 5 days.

See it is really easy to get 15 min daily for your wife. You can get some flowers of her choice when you are coming back from office. You can try out something like cook for her, praise her for her daily activity. When she is in kitchen you can spend 5 min there. While lunch and dinner talk to her about her activities. You should ask her about what she did the whole day. Try to keep interest in her also.

When you start behaving with her personally, she will definately feel strange and she might not like this. She might think that you are misleading her. She might get disturb with all this. But do not worry and try to be with her and make her feel specially. You really need sometime to get her out of this. You can find some work for her. You can ask her to help you in your work.

As you said your career graph is rising from past two years, but I think your family life goes down. Try to balance both the life.

I do not know whatever I have suggested is going to help you or not but if you feel it true, then please try it atleast for month.

Take care !!!!:)

Answer 11

I think that you should both seek out a marriage counselor to try to help you both to communicate safely and to help you to get to the bottom of this and work out this unresolved conflict, and help you two to take steps to stay "connected". The threats, suspicion,etc from her and you avoiding her is not healthy. She may be trying to communicate the best she can and you may not be understanding her. Thus a good counselor will be like a mediator and help you both to work together. Do you love her enough to work this out? Sounds like since your career graph is rising that is when she has felt left out of your life. Sounds like you are busier with your career....... Don`t take it negatively, look at it positively........ sounds like she wants YOU and to be with YOU and maybe she feels like this career thing is more important than her and that she is last on your priority list and even if a man is not involved in an "affair" if he is spending more and more time away and in the office etc it leaves a void in her and she can get suspicious, insecure etc. Along with the wanting to be with you, the threats are not a good way to handle the situation, that is not right or healthy. But it does sound like she is trying to get your attention underneath all of that. It would be worth it to work it out!!