Is it Ok to Spank my 3 year old?

Question

I have a 3 year old who doesn't listen to ANYTHING I say. I have tried everything with her, from time out's to taking away her toys, but she just doesn't behave. It get's embarassing especially when we're in public. I'm ready to try something new, the "verbal" just doesn't seem to be working!

Answer 1

This is a very challenging age, but spanking really does not work in the long run. You didn't mention what "verbal" method you were using, but I'm going to guess that like most of us were raised, you spend a lot of time saying things like: "No" "Don't do that" "Stop that" This is human nature, but it doesn't work and here is why. Children are always looking for the "big pay off" in terms of attention from their parent. You are your child's favorite toy!

The key is to turn this around by giving her lots of attention when she is being good, and less attention when she is not. Very specifically praise her. For example, she is quietly playing with her blocks. Say, "Wow , you are playing so nicely right now!" Put a lot of energy into your voice. Another really effective way to do this is to talk about her in front of her. Say to another adult in the room, "Look at she is playing so nicely with the blocks right now." Then the other adult says something like, "Hey that is really great!" This gives her a lot of attention and rewards her for good behavior.

For bad behavior, I recommend time outs, but they have to be done properly or they do not work. Time outs should be very short maybe just a minute or two. Do not talk to her while she is in time out. Don't lecture or yell. Just stay calm and quiet until the time out is over, then proceed as you were before the time out. The hard part is often staying calm, but it is extremely effective. Your upset is rewarding the behavior with attention.

Answer 2

A little swat on the bottom never hurt anyone. Just don't do it in public to spare yourself the backlash. I'm sure you wouldn't spank hard enough to hurt just to reinforce dicipline. The thing to remember is that it is typical for a 3 year old to not listen. It doesn't mean your a bad parent.

If your child acts up in public just take them out of that situation. Tell them that if they don't behave you will go home; and if they don't obey be ready to follow through on your threat! Make sure to tell them that you are mad that they acted the way they did (be specific.) On the flip side make sure to tell them when they behaved well: "The way you sat in the cart and acted like a good boy/girl made me very happy" and maybe reinforce with a treat of some kind.

Also, sometimes distraction works. If the child is acting up try to get them to do another activity they like. Pull out the favorite DVD, give them crayons and paper and ask them to draw you a pretty picture or give them a job to do.

Answer 3

I absolutely agree with spankings, but only for serious stuff. Little things need little punishments and big things need big punishments. Read Dr. James Dobson's books on parenting. He teaches you the proper way to handle what he calls "coropral punishment". I think that sounds a bit harsh, but anyways. He says things like never spank with your hand. A hand should always be a sign of love. Spank at the top of the legs and not on the bottom, because bottoms are often well padded. Lastly, explain to the child what you are doing. Like if he touched the stove you say,"I am going to spank you to help you remember not to touch the stove. Stove's can hurt you badly." Then once its done reassure your child that you love them. Spankings can be beneficial if done correctly. However, I do believe spankings do not work for some children. My five year old would rather be spanked then to be put in his room. Good Luck.

Answer 4

This is a question each parent asks themselves. Is it ok to spank my child. Each parent has to figure out what is best for themselves and their child. I have found that spanking a child really doens't do anything but teach the child that it is ok to hit when you don't get what you want. I would continue to use consistency with your little one. Each time she does something she is not suppose to, tell her it is not ok and put her in time out. Make her a naughty stool she has to sit on every time and don't give in no matter how big the fit. Eventually she will learn that her actions cause a reaction she doesn't like. It is hard raising kids. Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes, it's Ok. A pop or two across the bottomside with an open hand will, at least, get her attention. But, be prepared to hug her and tell her that you love her, and that's why you did it. I'm reminded of an old saying, and it seems to be more true than most want to believe: "Spare the rod--Spoil the child". It's never easy, but at times, it has to be done. Just be careful, and show love to the child immediately, as well. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I mean no disrespect but first you need to see if there are any psychological problems existing with your child, for ex.(ADD-attention deficit disorder) if I am qouting or spelling it right. If there are no problems and she is just a problem child a slap on the hand at age 3 never killed anyone. If you don't take control now you will never have the upper hand with your child. It is ok to spank, not beat, but spank your child so they will know you mean business and no means NO. I rarely had to spank my child because she did not like it so when she did do wrong all I had to do was look at her and she knew it was time to get right. I work with the public and have contact with disrespectful kids daily. They are not scared of the police and they are not scared of their parents so they are not scared to get in trouble. I was scared of what my parents would do to me,think of me, or find out what I said or did, so I chose the right path to stay on. Train a child up in the way they should go and they will never part from their ways. I don't see a thing wrong with spanking your child, do what you have to do.

Answer 7

Hi there !!!! I know how frustrating this can be.

I would make sure your baby does not have food allergies that cause hyperactivity. I would also monitor closely what they watch on tv.
What worked for me was to keep myself in control at all times, and trust me this can be challenging. Sometimes I would give myself a time for a break, calm myself, unwind, then go back and deal with the situation.
Our word should be gold though. If we say to a child , if you do this , i will do this, you better mean it, because if you do not , our children pick up on this and learn to play us like a fiddle. We have to be careful though what we say. I do not believe in corporal punishment. I believe in taking away priveleges, toys , time outs, things like that.
I had a comfortable blanket on the floor and when my kids would get nasty I would tell them I was going to send them to the thinking blanket. they would try to get up, and I would very calmly put them back. I would look at them, without yelling or getting excited, that they were going to stay there and think about what they were doing or not doing. Give them about 15 to 20 min, then when calm go back to where they are with some paper and crayons, sit next to them and very calmly start talking as I begin to draw and color,( I had placed extra paper and crayons on the blanket for them to grab and join) this usually relaxes the child, gets there mind off of the problem sometimes or takes some steam away and makes it more like a game to talk, plus we can see their emotions in their drawings.
I would definitly look at the babies diet though. Remember we are what we eat, and many times these are allergic reactions to artificial colorings and sugar.
Wishing you the best of luck
Happy Holidays
love light and peace

Answer 8

It's not always the kids, sometimes the problem is seriously the enviroment or the parents. Maybe you are doing something wrong. Seriously. Also he is 3. Three year olds don't listen. Ever. I don't think you should smack unless it's a life/death situation like them running onto the road. That way they appreciate the severity of getting spanked. People who spank all the time don't realize that eventually the kids don't care. It loses it's shock value & the kids learn that physical violence solves problems.

Answer 9

I would suggest parenting classes and/or having her evaluated for sensory integration problems. You can get a referral from your doctor to have her evaluated by an occupational therapist. My son is the same way and will be 3 in February, he has been diagnosed with a sensory integration dysfunction and since we have had the assistance things have gotten so much easier. Nothing worked with him before whether spanking or time-outs.

Answer 10

Well, lets see. Spanking worked forever. Then someone decides that it is horrible to spank kids. Now we have an entire generation that has no respect for adults or authority. Not only is spanking OK, you should be spanked for allowing a 3 year old to be getting away with this crap.