my ex bf did awful things to me. how do i forget n move on? i cant look at anothr man wo thinking bout past?

Question

we were together for three years and many things happened over those years. i was an idealistic optimist who wanted to believe in the inherent goodness of people so i forgave him many times for the things he did. he basically shattered my ideals - to say nothing of my heart - and now i find myself saying "why bother the next one will probably do the same". how do i move past these ideas? more and more i find myself wanting to stay in and stay away from people. at the same time the silence, emptiness and loneliness is overwhelming. thanks in advance for your advice.

Answer 1

i would go seek counseling for your abuse. they can teach you how to deal with what happened to you & help you so you can have a meaningful relationship with a man again. they can also teach you how to avoid this type of man in the future through warning signs. also, they can help you work on your self-esteem because i am sure this guy probably tore that apart.

try being friends with a man first. friendship is always the heart of a good romance anyhow. just take everything slowly. don't force any unrealistic expectations upon yourself. work on you & loving who you are. little things... they add up...

Answer 2

Wow, what a jerk. Look at this... what if you would have married him, or even worse, had a child together! Good thing that it's over now, and you can still pick up and move on without the stress of divorce or children. There is someone out there for you. Not him. It might be good to go out and continue on in life. If you believe in God, know that these things are all part of God's plan for you, his child. Something better, what is truely meant for you, is coming down the pike. However, nothing good will ever happen if you isolate yourself. The next man might do the same, so might the one after that, but someday the right person you will meet, and all the events that led you to him will be worth it. For now, go out with your friends, and just have a little fun with dating. No worries! :) We will all get hurt in life, that's a promise. Happiness lies in hope. It's your choice. Time to reclaim the old you! :)

Answer 3

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. You might be going through post traumatic stress disorder. If you aren't familiar with this you can read about it on-line. The best way to deal with this is by talking to a psychiatrist who can talk to you and possibly prescribe medication if that's needed as well (for a while.) It's possible that you will just need someone to talk things out with and some behavior modification, but having the medicine option is important. Good luck and I hope you are feeling better soon. There are people that care in the world and some very kind men too.

Answer 4

The next one probably will be the same, if you are the same. It is human nature to push boundaries. Mature people are those who can recognize and abide by those boundaries. Maturity is a process. Point is, as soon as someone starts to cross the line, call them on it, and then do a time out if needed. Watch your posture, make sure that your body language is communicating that you are an equal; head high, shoulders back, legs shoulder length apart, make/keep eye contact. Practice on male co-workers, checkout people, brother, father, etc.

Don't stay away from people, just don't let them treat you badly. You know how you shouldn't be treated, don't put up with anything you don't deserve, and don't let anyone convince you that you deserve anything less than what you do.

Answer 5

It's hard, and it hurts and it sucks trying to get over someone you loves with all your heart. The pain gos away though. Not in a week, or month or even 6 months but every day that passes gets a little better and a little easier to deal with. You have to be strong, find your self and hang out with friends don't try to look for another serious relationship because it will be doomed. Don't try to look for MR. Right, he will find you when the time is right. When you find that you're mad at him write a letter you don't have to send it or give it to him but it will make you feel better. Disassociate your self from him,if you dont it will be worse. Good luck

Answer 6

Just think of this as a learning experience. In every relationship that people have they learn something new and they also learn what things they do and dont want in a relationship. So just learn from this experience and when you start talking to other guys you know that you dont want what your ex did to you. Every guy is different and not all guys will treat you like your ex. Move on and let go of the past, and trust me a good guy will sweep you off your feet soon.

Answer 7

It will probably take a long time to forget and you may never. All you can do is let time take its tool. I know where you are coming from. about a year ago i got out of a bad relationship. My girlfriend would constamtly say degrading things to me and if I did something wrong she would smack me. She also cheated on me right in front of my face. I though I was in love so I just ignored it. Now that I am out of that relationship I am as happy as ever. it did take a long time for me get over it but i did.

My best advice to you is to surround yourself with people that you know and love. Go hang out with your friends or spend more time with your family. Soon enough things will start to get easier. you will se that you can move on and how lucky you are that you are finally out of it. Dont completely close yourself of to dating either. If you meet a guy go hang out with him but make sure that there are other people around when you do so they can get youout of there if anything were to happen. You will see that if he is a good guy you will start to trust him more and more.
All you can do is to take beby steps. if you need any more advice you can email me.

p.s. I hope you find someone that truly makes you happy.

Answer 8

She lost interest, and for whatever reason you have to let her go. If she ever (and I emphasize IF) came back to you, she'd end up cheating on you again (I've seen it many times). Make no mistake that she cheated because she thought about him when she fought with you (maybe even 'kissed' before the time you found out). That's the reason she fought. Starting arguments was her way of ending it with you, hoping you'd break up with her so she'd leave with a clear conscience. You have to do something with yourself, a hobby, hang with friends, anything to stop you from thinking of what you lost.

Answer 9

You do need to move on and realize that not all men are like the one you just broke up with. Maybe going to counceling would help you with this situation. Get out with your friends or people that care about you and like you for who you are.

It will take time to get over what happened to you in the relationship but you will get over it and know for the next time what to look for in the next relationship.

Please for you though, go talk with a counselor on this, if you dont want to, talk with a close friend or relative about this so you can get it off your chest. Bottling it up will only make you feel even worse than you already are.

Answer 10

Because love is fundamentally one of the most important things to a human being, and the search for love can be full of as much zest and joy, or fear and disgust, as only the most outstanding searches of all. But in the end, when you find the one who will treat you with respect, and who will be kind to you, and grant you your wishes, when he will make you smile without even saying a word, THEN you know that it was all worth it.