How do I help my boyfriend with his addiction and have him realize how much he has really hurt me?

Question

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years has been using heroin for the past 6 months and has a serious problem. It severly affects our relationship and consumes our lives. My life is affected by decisions I do not make, things I do not do, and things I seem to have no control over. He does not live with me, so I cannot be there to look out for him 24/7. Things were not like this, at all when I hooked up with him. He took the wrong path and got stuck in a deep rut. I have tried to help him detox, and have been there for him sooo many times. It is to the point where I am sure he takes me for granted and knows I dont want to leave him. I really do love him so much that words cannot explain. As if I truely did not ever know what love is until I met him. He is an amazing person and I do not have it in my heart to walk away. I know he loves me dearly, but sometimes the way he treats me through his ups and downs is hard to deal with. I am literally the only person he has. I dont know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

leave now.... heroine addiction is permanent... he will never be the same.. and will never stop hurting you ... you will just become a victim from this relationship.. ;leave now and find a better life with somebody else... addicted people by will are selish and very self centered, and are scared for life....... never change.

Answer 2

This is a really hard question to answer mostly since I think you already know the answer. Heroin addiction is hard to get over because of the physical dependence that develops. Most addicts cannot last beyond the 2nd day because the pain is so severe and the need to medicate is over whelming. To answer your question, the first thing you need to do is take care of yourself. What I mean is you can find support groups in your area such as alanon. Learn what your responsibility is in his addiction that is a good place to start.
As for the second part of your question, he may never know how much pain he has caused you or anyone else for that matter. Chances are he will never care either.
Once the drugs take over the soul dies and all that matters to an addict is getting high. He will tell you anything you want to hear just to get what he wants. You probably give in with out even knowing that you have been manipulated again.
He is no longer the person you fell in love with, I hope for your own sake (and his) you will find a support group for yourself and follow direction. Maybe you will get lucky and he will turn himself around but basically there is nothing you can do to help him, he will need to do the work himself.
I know this is a bit long so I will end with offering you best wishes and to place you in my prayers.

Answer 3

Wow!! Sweetheart..I can see a lot of red flags in what you just wrote!!! Here's a few things to think about:

1) Contact my source "New Life". They have a place in Arizona that is very good at helping addicts and they may know of some places close to you.

2) That kind of addiction can be all consuming....he may or may not take you for granted.....But Don't let this relationship take away your own sanity!! Get some people around you that you can talk to on an intimate,personal level.....maybe even a support group.

3) You may have to step aside and let him hit rock bottom......I have heard from some former addicts that was the only thing that really got there attention was when they hit bottom real hard.
(This will not be easy for you..but you can do it)

4) PRAY!! For him and yourself!! Prayer can do things and open doors that we would have thought impossible!!

I'll pray for both of you.....and please check out my sources...starting with New Life.....

Answer 4

This question actually hit very close to home for me i myself spent allot of years as an addict and i quite for a girl... it is very hard to do, but he has got to WANT to quit, when a person is addicted to that everything else in life takes a back seat, hes not doing this on purpose to hurt you, he simply can't help it, he has a disease (his addiction) though there is hope, with proper treatment and detox in an actual facility then N/A meetings etc. you may also want to look into "Rapid Detox" if you have the money and its the with drawl sickness that's keeping him from quitting then you could look into this procedure where they put you to sleep then detox you in a few hours instead of days which you are asleep for only prob. is its about several thousand dollars which is why i could never use that option... hope some of this helps, if you need any more advice about this feel free to send me a message directly on here.........

Answer 5

You have to be tough. Tough Love, is the only answer. Leave him and move on and if he cares enough he will hit bottom and quit for himself. If you still want him afterward then good. My GF had a meth addiction and an alcohol addiction and I left her and let her fall flat on her face. It took months for that to happen. She has been clean now for a year and no longer is stripping to make a living and wants to persue a normal life with me and one day be married and have a child. The only problem we have now is the emotional scars that are stuck in her head due to the drugs, stripping, being abused and used as a sex object by jerk dope head guys. But I love her and we will make it now that the drugs are gone.

Answer 6

Honey, he is not in charge of himself. You can't fix him, and no matter how much he loves you, he loves the drug more. I am an ex-addict. I had to lose everyone I loved before I quit. That was 20 years ago. He has to hit rock bottom. It took me 15 years to hit my bottom and I lost a lot of people on the way. If you can't get him into treatment (6 months shouldn't be too hard to kick) let him go. Let him go now or watch him slowly kill himself. You are powerless here.

Answer 7

Heroine addicts have very low chance of coming clean. The crave is just insane. If he doesnt stop now, he'll end up dying from an overdose or something. If you care for yourself, leave now. If you truely want to help him, put him in one of the institutions. Nothing will ever change as long as the heroine is part of his life.

Answer 8

Read what you have written here. Does any of it give you hope for continuing the relationship? You cannot do anything to help him. He has to want to do it himself. MY daughter was pulled down to the bottom because she stayed with a meth addict for 9 years of her life. She finally left him as nothing changed, and she was totally broke financially and spiritually. Yes it hurt her at first, but she said the pain was not as bad as being with him watching him and being with him as he wasted away to a shell of a person. She became someone I didn`t know as she lied and tried to hide the fact that he was a user. She didn`t come around her family any longer, and it was very painful to the members in our family, as we didn`t know what was wrong. She is now getting ready to go back to college and finish her degree. Please make the decisions for yourself. He can only make the decisions for himself. One more thing, he was becoming more and more abusive towards her as well.

Answer 9

Man that's a hard position to be in.

My advice for you is to be really strict with him. Tell him how you feel about everything. Then you have to put up an ultimatum for him. Tell him exactly what you want him to do, and exactly what is going to happen if he doesn't do it. The important part is to let him know that you still love him and that you know that he loves you, but it hurts you to see him like he is. Tell him you want to help him. Be brave. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Tough situation you're in. OK, this is just as much about fixing you as it is about fixing him. You are exhibiting classic codependency. In layman's terms, you are addicted to the addict. Your life is wrapped up in and consumed by his addiction....

Take a look here and see if this sounds like you: http://www.bookrags.com/research/codependence-dat-01/

You need to take fearless look at yourself. You know what his problem is. You need to find out how and why your life got wrapped around a self-destructive person and more importantly, why it is not an easy decision to get away and life your own life.

Acting in one's self interest is not selfish.

Good luck. been there. Wrapped my life around women who nuked their own lives and mine in the process. I found out why and now I'm looking for my happiness.