from the UK to live. We hooked up coz I didn't think it would go anywhere & I've just come out of a long r'ship. (By the way, I learnt I can't do casual...) Things were really great (not boyfriend/girlfriend) but we agreed to be monogamous. 4 wks ago, he told me (b4 he knew me) he'd made plans for a UK ex-fling to come out for Xmas & that he hadn't known me long enough to cancel. He said he couldn't promise he wouldn't sleep with her & he'd like to see me in the new year after she left, however doesn't want to see me in the interim. He said didn't want to hurt anyone. I've swung from telling him 2 leave/not call me to txting him asking if he wants to catch up (I haven't seen him for 4 weeks). He's feeling a lot of pressure & doesn't like it. I know I managed it poorly, but have I ruined any chance now? We had plans to go to a concert in Feb - but won't contact him again. If he does phone in Jan, should I even bother with him? I really like him & want him to chase me? How do I do this?
2006-12-19 15:43:55 · 5 answers · asked by basement_chix 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hi
It sounds to me that you both are not sure what you want, you say that you don't want a long term relationship, but it sounds as if you are a little jelous of the ex girlfriend from England. It is true that 7 weeks is not much, and you are creating demands of him that sounds to me as if you want more.
If this trip was planned before you met, then you just need to ride the time out, after all passage from the UK to Australia does not come cheap and the ex may not get a refund if she had to cancel, It seems that he told you of his ex arriving three weeks into the relationship when he could see it might develop into something more, (he didn'thave to tell you then - you could have found out when she arrived, then that would not have been nice.)
Just remember the girl is an ex for a reason, but it would be unfair if after travelling all that way, she was faced with an unexpected girlfriend in tow, and the other side of the world is a little too far to conduct a long term relationship.
I also take it that you have not seen him for the four weeks since he told you ... is this your decision?, if so then you have no justification in trying to make his decisions for him. Three weeks together is just that ... three weeks ... I would leave it for now or text him once saying that you are sorry for how you dealt with the shock of him telling you about his ex arriving, and that you hope they have a fantastic christmas, and that you will 'perhaps' see him in the new year, and to keep in touch.
If you leave it at that and not ring or text or visit him then any chasing is left to him ... If you had handled it differently then the extra four weeks together could have meant that you would be involved in the festive activities.
Just try to concentrate on enjoying your christmas, make some new years resolutions - decide the kind of relationship that you want from a guy, such as dont sleep with them in the first month or so - then you will know of they are serious about you as a person, and try not to become an obsessive text messager (difficult considering todays technology and spur of the moment).
After coming out of a LTR you may just need to find out you can be happy in your own company, and learn to like yourself more. Ending relationships can be a self destructive process that affects you confidence. Then you might realise that if this bloke is worth it, things will work out and that perhaps in situations such as this where there is not much commitment not to ask questions that you really dont want to know what the answers are.
I hope my ramblings helped. concentrate on having a fantastic christmas youself and a great new year.
Remember this famous quote:
If you love someone, let them go.
If they come back to you, then they are yours forever.
But, if they don't come back,
then they were never really yours in the first place.
2006-12-19 17:06:00 · answer #1 · answered by babe_boo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think this guy is not worth your time. He says he does not want to "hurt anyone," but it seems from your question that you are a little hurt by his behavior. If he was truly into you he would be able to tell this fling that things are over and he only wants to see her as a friend. Then she could stay in a hotel and have her own vacation without him. I am not trying to be harsh, but I have been through a similar situation where I guy kept telling me he was busy with work and would spend time with me later. The truth is men want to spend as much as time with you as possible if they are really into you and would not be spending it with another woman. So please do not text this guy anymore and go out for the Holidays with your friends. Try spending some time just with your friends and ignore this guy altogether. See if he intiates contact on his own and then you will know what his true intentions are. However, I think he wants to keep you in the picture and spend time with this girl when she is in town. He sounds like a player and you deserve someone that deserves your time.
2016-05-22 23:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dudet, this guy is a coward that wants the best of both Worlds.
He definately sounds young if he thinks he can play like that.
Sounds like his ex aint so ex an your being used.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but keeping you on the side an still getting with his ex cus he "does'nt want to hurt anyone" WTF? that's a new one on excuses for cheating.
Get out lady your being played.
2006-12-19 15:55:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woa, slow down those are alot of questions; try compressing it a bit.
2006-12-19 15:46:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its best to leave it i think --- if he rings later then fine if not then fine
as a aside i dont chase as such --- if the lady is interested when i contact her i will keep in touch --- if i feel she is not interested then i dont push it
2006-12-19 15:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋