A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
2006-12-19 15:30:12 · 13 answers · asked by ? 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."
12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2006-12-19 15:30:31 · update #1
hahahahah that is the most LMAO joke I have ever heard!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!
2006-12-19 16:14:42 · answer #1 · answered by candacemcgee420 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny plus egg. In simple terms , great.
2006-12-19 23:47:21 · answer #2 · answered by dogpye5 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Really not at all bad, especially for a religious joke.
2006-12-19 23:38:52 · answer #3 · answered by zeroartmac 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good joke
2006-12-20 02:06:39 · answer #4 · answered by Sara 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lordy! That's one of the BEST jokes I've heard in a long time. Thanks for the laughs!
=D
2006-12-20 00:06:53 · answer #5 · answered by summerlover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is quite long,but worth readind as it is very funny.
2006-12-20 00:23:18 · answer #6 · answered by hpz ftw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 GOD CARRIED THE CROSS IN HIS SHOULDER, NOT IN HIS A**....................
15 ITS HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD,NOT HOLY MOLY MOTHER OF A**...............
16 HE WAS CRUCIFY W/ THE TWO BANDITS AND THIEVES,NOT W/ TWO S**** AND B******
2006-12-20 00:16:07 · answer #7 · answered by a blonde and proud of it........ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha..kewl..
2006-12-20 05:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by schooltet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHAHAHAHHAH
2006-12-19 23:32:34 · answer #9 · answered by LCee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMAO!! Too funny, thanks for the laughs!!
2006-12-20 00:11:30 · answer #10 · answered by Jaybird21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋