Should I Let Go Of My Grudge?

Question

I'm in need of some outside input. Basically, about 5 years ago up until a few months ago, a guy picked on me for seemingly no reason. He made fun of my zits, called me stupid, fat, a skank, just about anything you can think of and it was all just to cover up that he was gay.

Well, he came out and suddenly he's all nice. I really want to be his friend or at least not hate him so much, but every time he says a word to me, I just feel like tearing his face off.

Should I try and just let my grudge go even though he messed my mind up or should I keep my defenses up?

Answer 1

i think you should keep your guard up because he was being very selfish before he "came out", he was only thinking about himself which resulted in verbally abusing you. if he is not aware of what he was doing to you he will more than likely do it again. if you really want to be his friend you should let him know how you feel and how he should NEVER do that again. For now you should probably just keep some distance between the two of you so you won't want to "rip his face off"! distance will also give you a chance to let go of some steam and hang out with other friends

Answer 2

I think it is ridiculous to hold a grudge against anyone. It doesn't hurt the other person they have gone on about their business. You are the one carrying emotional baggage. That energy can be spent loving someone. In your case, because you have such strong feelings about him, why not just tell him that you were hurt by the things he did while he was "in the closet" and you understand that it must have been difficult for him to deal with his own inner issues, but you have a problem with the things he did?

Give him the opportunity to apologize and if he does, then pursue a friendship if you want one. By talking it out and getting what's inside of you out, you can really be a friend. By covering up your feelings and trying to pursue a friendship while still wounded you will not only end up hurting him but hurting yourself as well. His being gay does not give him the right to demean you.

Answer 3

So did you start the rumor first and that is why he started calling
you all those names? If so let your grudge go, even though you
knew it was true, it was not your place to tell everyone. And if you
didn't then, I'm not sure why he would call you all them names for
no reason at all, that would be just plain mean and cruelty, on his behalf. Maybe he just needed someone to pick on and it just so
happened to be you. But if you feel that you can be his friend then
go for it and be his friend. Let by gone, be by gone's. Forget
about the past as long as he apologize cause that is the right
thing to do on his behalf. Just talk to him and take it from there.

Answer 4

Let me ask you, What have you gotten thus far with your grudge? I know that holding a grudge is part of the human nature, its what one naturally does. However, that doesn't mean that its good to keep and hold. I know nothing of your case, for i will all ways be on the outside looking through the window that you described. All i can say is its never too late to put the past away.

Answer 5

You should talk to him and tell him that what he said all those years ago hurt you a lot, if he wants to be friends with you he should apologize, and even though it doesn't seem like much, it helps a lot in the forgiving process. I used to have a grudge against someone, but I consider them my friend now because I realized life is too short to stress and get pissed off at someone for the rest of your life =P.

Answer 6

If you feel he's genuinely being honest with you and really wants to be your friend, let the grudge go. Living your life with your guard constantly up, always pissed off/resentful of this man is no way to spend your time. If he had murdered someone you love, that's a different story, but calling someone names and poking fun at them isn't worth fuming over. There are more important things in life to worry about. :)

Answer 7

He doesn't sound like a decent person if he was belittling you and making fun of you and calling you bad names. You are characterizing your feelings as a grudge, rather than a perfectly reasonable reaction to someone who says hurtful nasty things. Are you supposed to be a whipping boy? A doormat? And let him cra* all over you? Because that's what it sounds like he has been doing.
So suddenly he's nice, huh? What if he suddenly becomes nasty again once you let your guard down? I would steer clear of this guy and try to find a kinder person to spend time with.

Answer 8

It would be helpful to you if you could tell him that you were very hurt by him at one time, and so you are afraid to be friends with him, even though you want to. By saying this, you open the door for him to apologize. I think he really is sorry for what he did, and I think he's aware of how he hid his own embarrassment at being gay by embarrassing others. It would heal both of you if you talk to him. I think you need healing from being hurt as much as he needs healing from knowing he hurt someone. You sound like a very kind person, so it's no wonder he wants you for a friend.

Answer 9

I wouldn't let your guard down yet. If you think you might want to be a friend to him, invite him for coffee and explain that you need him to acknowledge the way he has treated you, and that he needs to make amends for it. You can let him know that you're happy to see that he's happier now, but he still needs to take responsibility for his actions. Over the long term, however, you will want to let go of it, if you can, because resentment erodes us from the inside, and comes out at other people who had nothing to do with the issue.

Answer 10

Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting them to die. You can keep them out of your life without a grudge. Just choose who you associate with. Ignoring a bully will make him go away. You can never trust him.