Getting over loss?

Question

My father died on Saturday and I am having feelings that just dont seem normal. Most of the day I am numb as if nothing is going on at all in my life, then at night I suddenly am bombarded by emotion and fear. What is wrong with me?

Answer 1

What you are experiencing is very normal. It is called the grieving process. I will give you a link so that you read more about the process. However, in short what it means is that each of us goes through different stages when we lose someone close to us due to death or divorce (or other reasons). There are five different stages (Kubler-Ross) and you can go through them in any order. Sometimes you might even repeat a stage. Here again that is normal. The only time you have a problem is when you quit progressing at all. When that happens, the best solution is to consult a grief therapist or other counselor to help you start progressing again. Just remember as you read the links that they are a guide. Some stages will be short and some longer and some you may never notice at all.

I went through all of the stages when I lost my husband in 2001 due to a motorcycle accident. I was mad at God, at the world, and at my late husband. I was numb at the beginning, that what had happened didn't seem real (denial), but at night, with the empty bed, then the nightmares and my emotions were off the scale. I felt isolated and that the rest of the world didn't understand. I did very little bargaining, for I had nothing to bargain with. There was nothing I could do that would bring him back. I then went into the depression stage and there I got stuck. It took a counselor, medication, and extra time (almost 2 years) for me to get past that stage and on to acceptance. I still get sad at his loss, but now it is tempered by the good memories. I have remarried to a widower and we support each other during the hard times.

Read through he links below. I think you will get some good information. Just remember that grief is personal and we will progress through the stage at our own rate and in our own order. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck and I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

It's perfectly normal. It sounds like you are having an emotionally tough time. The loss of a parent is a very difficult thing to deal with and sometimes it can feel overwhelming. If you have a good close friend that you can talk to or just hang out with, it will help tremendously. Cousins, boyfriend/girlfriend, grandparents, brother/sister or other relatives can help with the pain by talking about the good times that were spent with your father. If you go to church the clergy are often a good ear to speak into during times of trouble. Bottling up the emotions inside won't help the problem.

A person gave me some advice when my mother passed away that seemed rather harsh at the time but a few days later came to be the best thing anyone told me throughout the entire ordeal. I was told to go on with my life and not to look back with a sense of loss. Life only goes forward, never backward and it's not going to stop and wait for anyone that wants to live in the past.

Your father may have gone from this world but as long as you still love him and remember him he's never far away from you.

Answer 3

This is your father you lost so I have to say that there is nothing wrong with you. If you were living each day as though nothing had happened I would say there was something wrong with you. You are sad. You are grieving. It will get better but it takes time to get over that loss and carry on. Imagine if you had kids and you died. How would think your kids would deal with that? They would be like zombies for a while and overcome with pain and loss. It is ok to be sad and afraid and lonely. You are dealing with this a perfectly normal fashon. I am sorry for your loss and I do hope you feel better soon. Maybe you might think about joining a group for people who have lost their parents. It's got to be harder to lose a parent than say a friend.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your loss. I recently lost my mother (and my father 2 years ago).

Sounds like a normal reaction to me, kindof numbing your way to get through the day then finding yourself alone with your feelings at night. It's too soon to expect more of yourself. There's not a damned thing wrong with you.

Try to focus on the good memories, and just allow yourself to grieve. It's necessary! When thoughts come through, let them come, when feelings come, same thing -- don't harp on them but trying to push them away is just going to make it worse and your father wants to be remembered!

As the days go by things should gradually get better. But if they don't, or if even now you feel you need some extra help, there is professional grief counseling available. It's really important to lean on others too, you can't be the rock all the time you know. That's not healthy. A lot of people don't know what to say, but just hanging out with your friends and family can help. Don't forget to ask for what you need, even if it's just a hug or a little company or someone to talk to. It's OK to need other people. For most of us it is difficult to ask for what we need, but give it a shot.

Answer 5

You have suffered a great loss and you will feel depressed about it. When you get hit with the bad feelings, either talk to someone about it or maybe think of the good times you have had with your father. Nothing anyone here can say is going to make your loss any less painful but in time, you will feel better.
Sorry to hear of your loss and may you get to feeling better soon.

Answer 6

I found this very helpful............

"The Four Stages of Grief

According to Dr. Phil, the biggest challenge people who have experienced loss will deal with is getting their minds around what they are facing. If you are in the grieving process, you can expect to go through these four stages:

1. Shock: Feeling numb. You may wake up wondering, "Is this real?"

2. Denial: Being unable to accept the situation. You may find yourself thinking, "This can't be happening. It's not real."

3. Anger: Wanting to lash out at everyone. You may continually ask, "How can this happen?"

4. Resolution: Feeling like there is a way past the grief, an end to the sadness. You may say to yourself, "I will get through this."

During the grieving process, you may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster ride, but things will get better if you allow yourself to heal. Dr. Phil suggests that you keep the following in mind:

Accept the things that you can't control.
"There's something that's happened in the evolution of life in our current society that leads us to arrogantly believe that we run this world — and we don't," says Dr. Phil. "We've got to be accepting of those things we don't control."

Find meaning to your suffering.
Don't allow yourself to be devastated for no reason, no meaning and no purpose. "You've got to create some value to the pain that you experience in your life," advises Dr. Phil. "It may be nothing more than helping those who are further back down the trail than you are. It is a process. It is an evolution. If you use your pain and what you've been through in your life, it won't seem to [be] such nonsense."


Seems this devastating event will need time to heal itself, my condolences for your loss. I pray for your strength.

Answer 7

SIMPLY LOSS! DURING THE DAY YOU ARE ABLE TO DO YOUR NORMAL EVERY DAY THING'S.AT NITE THERE'S NOTHING TO BLOCK OUT THE THOUGHT'S OF YOUR LOSS .IT'S NORMAL GRIEF AND THERE IS A PROCESS TO IT.YOU WILL BE BETTER IN TIME.BUT IT DOES TAKE TIME.I LOST MY MOM 25 YRS AGO AND I STILL REMEMBER EVERY THING THAT HAPPENED THE DAY IT HAPPENED.NOTHING YOU ARE FEELING IS NORMAL SO DON'T THINK ANY THING IS WRONG WITH YOU.TALK TO YOUR FAMILY IT HELP'S TO SHARE WHAT YOUR FEELING.AGOOD LUCK.

Answer 8

This is completely normal. I lost my sister 2 years ago and I know exactly how you feel.
my advice, feel your feelings, don't hide them. If you are like me, and don't like to show emotion, cry in the shower, very cleansing.
Also, professional help is good too.
Remember: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Answer 9

My father died two months ago. Right now there is no right or wrong way to feel, as it has been so recently for you. I wish peace for you.

Answer 10

Feel it, work it out. I encourage you to do this.