Why do guys continue to go after girls that are mean to them?

Question

I have a guy friend that is totally in love with this girl that he took to prom last spring. When he took her to prom she spent the whole evening with another guy. He is still crazy about her and trys to spend as much time with her as he can. She is nice to him but isn't interested in him that way at all. If a guy treated me like that at the prom, my crush would be over immediately. And this is a guy that is really handsome and sweet. He could have any girl he wanted. I have another guy friend who is head over heels for a girl and she broke up with him and is now supposedly good friends with him but treats him like crap and he follows her around like a puppy dog saying that she is the love of his life. What is the matter with these guys?

Answer 1

Ok, listen up. This is the whole story, in completion. It is correct, and you could, if so desired, look up a crapload of psychology to verify this. It all makes sense too. It's a useful perspective not only here, but in predicting behavior elsewhere. Here it is.

Guys pick. Girls choose. It's that simple, once you have the below info.

A guy picks a girl before he's aware, anyway, that she knows of his interest. From there on, males have a very delicate and sensitive ego about the matter. This is evolutionarily beneficial to the men, because if their whole self-image, and happiness is invested in them getting with the woman they pick, and they are liable to pick the most attractive (which would be the most healthy, young, genetically favorable to make a parent, remember, this is instinct and it ties back to reproductive success strategy not to today's goals, even in younger people,) girl, then the male is most likely to succeed. If a caveman only had a tepid desire for the woman he picked, he probably wouldn't be willing to intimidate the other males away and then also win the favor of the female, and invest all that time and effort. He'd just go with whatever he could get, ie the nice and already interested female. It's not about that. It's about getting what you picked. "The chase" is not incorrect, but its an incomplete rendition. It's about males having a fragile ego in this department for the success of the individual. It's all emotion. I've done this before too.

Girls select. While guys go into the process headfirst and don't change their minds, females selectively choose who they will accept, based on how well they are treated. Evolution wise, this would get you the most caring mate to help raise offspring and defend you personally (modern - the guy who bothers to stand up for what you say in front of his friends, and gets flowers even though he doesn't really in his gut "get it,") and got the woman the best mate. I know, you don't want to get mates yet in your life, but don't even TRY to deny that that is not where this all comes from. In modern contexts, in Western society women are taught to EXPECT things. Doors are held for them, they are given sympathy when they cry, and yes, guys do stuff for them. If the guy doesn't do these things, he MAY be more interesting, but most likely, he's not attractive. A guy who shows no signs of interest in a girl tells the girl he'll make a poor choice on a subconcious level. Guys do not have this in their equation. It's just not there. If some girl doesn't treat him right or just shows no sign of interest, then tough crap is what he says. He just has to man up and keep going. Failure is not an option once he picks. Men can't easily break away from their choice. It's like bending the knees backwards; just not natural for a human male (well, the knee thing goes for most females too, most... heh.)

So if the guy has ten options, and chooses (not always the case) to go with a single girl, he picks and runs fast as he can that way. He might try to be subtle, even to the point of deception, but in the end that was his behavior. If a girl has 10 options, she constantly evaluates the status and goes with the best choice NOW at first, then with time the best choice over time, as far as she knows.

Back to your particular question, though I think you've got the point, the guys you know may be chagrined by their lack of success at wooing their women. Enough will eventually prompt them to cut their losses and wake up, so to speak. But every male has a tolerance level which is higher if he has a more fragile ego, that says he can't lose. I'm pretty high on the scale, but not extreme. Lucky for me, I've seen the light and know how to deal with this. But if the guys do just what the feel and don't think about to the situation, they'll just keep on going for a while. Its not about getting a girl that likes you and you like back, its about getting THE girl that you picked. Male egos can make men strong and persistant, but also stupid. Fact of life. Until these 2 guys you talked about get to that level where they can't take any more, they'll just be hurt by the apathy or rejection, respectively, and keep trying. The hurt in their minds is over, "what am I doing wrong," not, "why are they doing this?" Girls would leave, because this isn't attractive to them. Guys just don't get into this subject, so it is neutral to them. They just try to solve some problem of what they did "wrong," instead of taking stock of the actual situation.

It all makes sense, and is evidient every time. Good luck with them, especially if you like one of them. There's nothing per se wrong with them. They're just stuck in a rut. They may learn a lot from it.

If you want to accelerate them getting to that tolerance line, then call them out on their slavish love. Call them unmannly, either like a woman (It will work; of course I'm not trying to say that women are usually subservient - from what I see they usually are the better equipped... I'm just saying it because it would work in their heads) or like a little boy. If you go with the woman thing, then (not to be offensive if this isn't your style, but it works wonders,) tell them you got them a tampon and you're glad you did, because it looks like they're about 2 minutes away from their first period. Or tell one of them that their chosen confided in someone else (a friend of hers) that she was beginning to like him a lot more recently. When he finds out it's false, be like, duh. What in the world made you even believe that it was POSSIBLE that I wasn't messing with you in the first place?! A less effective method with most guys but on those with a clearer head it will work better, IF you're ok with busting on the girls (I dunno...) is to add in that the girls they've picked were bad choices. Part of the ego is that you not only got the girl, but that the girl was a good choice. After all, you don't know a guy who wouldn't fight a guy one a verbal level at least who said in private to him that his girl was a ho, was ugly, et cetera, if he really cared, do you? But you're a girl. So you can say it without him resenting you for it. Be like, you're such a homosexual. You don't even know how to pick a girl that isn't obviously (hideous/loose/etc.(a good personal situation would be good to bring in here...)) to try to convince you you're straight. Will you come to me next time you wanna try to convince everyone that you're just a pansy and not a queer to boot; I'll windowshop at a more upscale place than you found her at. Like the flea market, mabye... (end of quote) Remember, his ego is frail, it takes TENSION to break off this attraction. You'll teach him to act more like a man, less like a little boy who doesn't know what's what. Trust me, you could have a lot of fun with this if you want to. I would. Or you could wait it out. Up to you.

Glad I could help. Take care, and mail me to tell me how it works out (I'd love to hear it!!!)

~Ergo.

Answer 2

Just because a guy is good looking and the captain of the football team, doesn't mean he's overflowing with confidence. He could still have a little low self esteem. Maybe even a little shy. The
really quiet ones always end up with a loud mouth girl.

Answer 3

They like the chase. Girls who make the pursuit difficult are more attractive to them, as guys naturally go for challenges. Of course, most of them give up after a certain time, as your friend should have.

Answer 4

It`s pretty much the same reason I REALLY like a guy who sends me mixed signals. They like the chase. I think that when you work for someone/something, once you get it, you appretiate it so much more. I don`t know why, but for some reason the chase is just fun. Keeps you on your toes.

Answer 5

They have no self esteem or confidence in finding a nice girl

Answer 6

Hi Dawn,

Usually guys go for girls who mistreat them, only if they are hot in bed.

--Rick

Answer 7

guys chase me coz im nice to them... ive never been mean.
as for the others who prefers mean girls, maybe they're just love the challenge...

Answer 8

I think she's sizing him up and thinking to herself. This is neither a good or bad thing, but it sure can be intimidating.