Here is my situation need real advice Please! (Kind of long)?

Question

My mother in law has moved in for about a week now. I have asked her to not smoke in the house because my son has asthma and i also have lung problems. My husband refuses to make her smoke outside he told her it was alright to smoke with the door closed the window open a towel to block the smoke from comming out in the hall(you can still smell it though) which she only does this when we are home and smokes where ever when we are not but she watches our kids while we are at work and she smokes in front of my son who has asthma. Plus she smokes weed in our house..
So am i being unreasonable? Or is she just being rude and unreasonsable? Please help any advice this is ruining my relationship. not to mention my childs health.

I forgot to mention he told her to just smoke in her room with the door closed a towel to block the smoke and the window open. But she just cracks it because it's cold outside.

Answer 1

She is being rude ,, unreasonable ,, selfish ,, self centered ,, inconsiderate,, and a health hazard to your entire family ,,,, Second hand smoke is just as dangerous as actually smoking it's self ,,,, Also she is putting your home and security at risk too ,,,, If drugs or marijuana are found in your home by law enforcement people then your house and possessions could be confiscated and sold at auction not to mention that all adults are subject to the full extent of the law with the childern being taken and made wards of the court and placed in foster homes ,,,, With her doing this and you knowing about it and not reporting it you become accomplices or accessories to the fact ,,,, How much do you love your children ?? ,,,, You defininetyl need to keep all of this in mind ,,,, You are your husbands wife and you and your children should be his first consideration in this situation ,,,, He's married to you not his mother ,,,, It's past time for you to make some fast and hard decisions here ,,,,, Your children ,, your home ,, and your security are very much at risk here ,,,, I've seen the very same thing happen in other house holds before ,,,,And believe me they lost everything including their children ,,,,The DEA is as cold and heartless as the IRS believe me ,,,, You are going down the same path as them ,,,, I'm sure that you or your husband wouldn't report her or the situation but maybe a concerned neighbor or relative would ,,,, This woman doing this in your home shows no respect for you ,, Her grand children ,, or her son ,,,, It's time to choose what you must do and be prepared to follow through regardless of consequences and stick to your guns ,,,, For your childrens sake you need to tell your husband that he has to make a decision here ,,,, Either tell his mother she can no longer smoke in the house ,,,,cigarettes or what ever ,,,, That if he doesn't put a stop to it then you have no other alternative for the childrens sake but to find some where else to live ,,,, He's putting your marriage and everything else at risk here not you ,,,, She's his mother not yours ,,,, You might have agreed to let her move in but you didn't agree to what comes with her ,,,, This is a very serious situation whether he realizes it or not and could lead to serious consequences if this should be discovered or if the children make a slip and say something about it to a neighbor or a teacher or a relative or a baby sitter or whom ever ,,,, As sure as I'm righting this ,,,,, The things I'm telling you here are true and in a worst case scenerio you could lose everything including your children ,,,, You and your children and your husband and all he works for are at risk because of what this woman is doing ,,,, If she had any respect for you or her son or her grandchildren she wouldn't do this or have to be asked to stop it ,,,, She might be an accepted guest in your home but you didn't bargain for what she does ,,,, It's past time for you to issue an ultamadem to your husband ,,,, Either she stops this or she leaves or you leave ,,, Your families future depends on it or probably because of the children he and his mother might be made to move out ,,,, The children need the home ,,,, You might just consider your husbands part in this too ,,,, His first loyalties should be to you and your children ,,,, What's the matter with him anyway ? ,,,, At any rate you need to do something and do it now ,,,, It's probably going to get ugly but the situation could get allot uglier if something isn't done and done asap especially where the marijuana is concerned ,,,,, The mother and or him is forcing this situation upon you ,,,, You didn't ask for it ,,,,, You have rights as his wife ,,,,, You have rights because you are the mother of your children ,,,,, Your children have rights too ,,,, They have a right to a clean ,, calm ,, and trouble free invironment ,,,, He obviously needs to be reminded of this ,,,, Of course you could simply say nothing and just pack up and leave and leave him with his mother and wondering why you moved ,,,, Regardless of what you do you need to make a positive move now ,,,, The well being of your childeren depend on it ,,,, You need to display yourself in the eyes of the court that you are the responsible parent here so that they don't consider taking them away from you ,,,,, Stick to your guns on this ,,,, Don't listen to anything they try to say to you to stop you from leaving unless it's what you want to hear ,,,, It's really too bad that something like this happens ,,,, Children are such a precious thing and they deserve the best that can be provided ,,,, They didn't ask to be born and they have no choice as to who their parents are ,,,, Thats' why it's so important that they have responsible parents ,,,,, I wish you the best of luck in this ,,,, Yoda said this ,,,,,

Answer 2

No you are NOT being unreasonable. Your son has a health problem that smoking in the home can cause MAJOR problems with. Limiting the smoking to one's bedroom doesn't make any difference. Once the door is opened the smoke permeates the rest of the house. Your husband needs to figure out which is more valuble to him, the health of his son or his mother's smoking. If I were you I'd tell her either do not smoke in YOUR home or find another place to live. Your son's health is more important.

Answer 3

YOU are not being unreasonable. Asthma is very serious. An adult smoking around an asthmatic child is clearly child abuse. You need to have some guts. There are a couple of things you could do, depending on your guts.

Wimp: Nothing. Continue not doing the right thing.

Passive-Aggressive: Purchase a HUGE air filtration device, preferably one that costs a lot and makes a lot of noise. Turn it on whenever she smokes.

Confrontational: Dispose of her smokes. Tell her if she ever smokes in your house again and harms your child, you will slap her. Actually slap her if she does. Tell your husband that he's an idiot for not looking out for his own children (he is).

Manipulative: Tell your husband that this situation makes you feel unromantic. That sex just doesn't cross your mind when you smell cigarette smoke. Actually follow through with this.

?

This is not difficult, actually. You need to protect your child. Tell your husband to actually LISTEN to you and say this real slowly: "We have an asthmatic child. This situation with the smoke can kill our child. If you don't correct this issue, I will take our child to a hotel where he/she will be safe. Do you understand me?"

If he argues one bit, immediately grab your child and leave. Tell him that you will come back when he acts like a man.

Answer 4

You have got to put your foot down. You are not being unreasonable at all. Coming from a family of asthmatics I know how serieous that can be. Your son comes first. His health is a lot more important that your mother-in-law or your husband. If your husband is putting his mother before his child that is a real issue and you may need to point that out to him. Tell him you are concerned about the health of your child and that you don't feel like he is listening or understanding your feelings on the issue. See if you can come to a compromise. Maybe she can smoke in the garage or something. If he continues to put his mother before you and your son you will have to set that boundry with her yourself and kick her out if she won't abide. Then talk to your husband about that fact that he's married to you, not his mommy.

Answer 5

The three of you need to sit down and have a talk about this.Your husband needs to back you since you and your son have health problems. If she is smoking weed in your house that is against the law.You and your husband could also get in trouble for that.Apparantly your mother-in-law doesn't care about you and your sons health. No, your not being unreasonable.That is also your home and you should be able to make the rules.

Answer 6

Let's put it this way. Your son can't stop having an asthma condition - I'm sure he would if he could. but your mother in law can choose to smoke outside. Isn't it obvious that the only one who can change their behavior is the mother-in-law? And because it's a matter of health, if she loves her grandson at all, she should comply.
If you are married to someone who doesn't get this, well, decide if this is the life you want - with someone selfish. If he tries to get it and supports you, well, then be glad the apple fell farther from the tree.

Answer 7

You need to tell your husband to back you up or send both of them packing. This woman is slowing murdering you, her son, your son and whoever else is around. She is harming you regardless of breathing issues! There can be no compromise on this issue. You've seen the studies, they've (your hubby & MIL) seen the studies and they are choosing to hurt their family. If you can smell it, it's poisoning you. If you can't smell it anymore, the toxins still linger and are poisoning you. Get rid of the cigs or get rid of them. I don't see a difference in protecting your children from this or any other type of abuse. As a mother it is your responsibility to make sure your children are safe and as an individual you have the right to make sure that you are safe.

Answer 8

unfortunely, without ur husbands support it is a uphill battle, but sit down once again and explain ur concern about ur son's asthma, if she continues just tried to wait it out and do not invite her back or offer to put her up in a hotel for the week. u are not being unreasonsable and it is very rude for her to smoke knowing ur sons condition

Answer 9

You are going to have to sit down and talk to your husband about this problem. If necessary, take him with you to your childs asthma doctor and hear it from a professional the damage that is being done. This is his mother and he is the one that needs to have this fight with her.

If you really want to be mean, just keep throwing her cigarettes out.

Answer 10

Your house, your husbands battle. Your issue is with your husband, not your mother in law and you need and have every right to make issue with him about it. Raise hell...even if he and she don't want to hear it...this is a big issue because smoking is not a necessity and you find it unacceptable...your need to be comfortable in your own home is infact a necessity though!
Good luck!