Both him and his fiancee are both cathloic and the guest list at the wedding is over 400 people. Now I was told that i'm invited to the wedding but not to the reception it was for family and friends only and that I will have to drop off my gift at the wedding. Now should I go to the wedding and bite my tounge or should I not go and tell him what I think of not being invited to the reception. Has anybody ran across this ever before ? Is this really rude or is it just me?
2006-12-19 14:14:58 · 22 answers · asked by Jesse B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
that is backwards to me...i've heard of people getting married then inviting more to the reception. if you want to go to the wedding then you should, but you have to respect the fact that they want a more intimate reception. you don't know the motive behind it...maybe it's a money issue, maybe it's family tradition...whatever it may be you have no idea and it isn't your place to criticize that. would you want someone throwing a tantrum on your big day? for all you know they may be planning a bash for all the friends that didn't get invited originally. so grin and bear it buddy, you may regret later if you don't.
2006-12-19 14:41:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't get to offended yet. It may not have been rude to not invite you. This practice of a large wedding w/smaller reception is common in some areas. But he may owe you a more detailed explanation.
Are you close enough to ask him, NICELY, that you are a little confused as to what constituted being "reception" worthy?
If you are close enough - then ask. He probably has a good answer.
If you aren't close enough to ask, - well, the people that are invited to the reception are probably closer to him than you are.
Time knowing someone does not constitute being close, and people are constrained by outside factors (especially him - as his wife's family may be footing the bill). Perhaps they could only afford a reception for 200, and with family and very close friends, they reached that limit. Sorry, you're 2nd tier.
If you care about the friendship, get over it, go to the wedding, give a small token gift. If you don't care about the friendship, regretfully decline.
2006-12-19 22:51:06 · answer #2 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that does sound weird/rude. i can understand if maybe your friend, his fiancee, and their families cannot afford to feed 400+ people at the reception... but in that case, it seems they shouldn't have all those people at the wedding, then. something just seems "off" about that arrangement. on top of that, they still expect gifts from those who aren't invited to the reception? hmmm....
as for their treatment of you specifically, your friend is being really inconsiderate after 7 years. i think if i were in this situation, i'd tell him (even before the wedding day) how i feel about this situation.
i wonder if the couple is just not aware of how impolite this appears?
2006-12-19 22:29:49 · answer #3 · answered by Haiti Cherie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that is horribly tacky. It is poor etiquette to both invite to the wedding and not the reception, but also state that gifts are to be dropped off at the wedding. People that are invited to the wedding only are not expected to provide gifts.
Frankly, I would tell him what you thought...being a friend for 7 years but not invited to the reception??
2006-12-19 22:18:41 · answer #4 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
That is not nice and is very rude to tell you where to bring a gift, if someone could not attend my wedding due to space I would not expect them to bring a gift. Also, if you are a 7 year friend, this will tell you how your friend values you. I would think if you really want to attend the wedding and if you do I would only give him a card, don't do anything tacky, just a simple congrats on your wedding card
2006-12-19 22:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by Judith B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is definitely one of the tackiest things I have ever heard. Under no circumstances should someone be invited to the wedding but not the reception. I wouldn't go to the wedding and I definitely wouldn't send a gift.
2006-12-19 22:54:21 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've never ran across this situation.
It seems like your friend invited a lot of guests in hopes of getting a lot of gifts. I think they might be more interested in a gift than you being at the wedding.
I probably wouldn't get them anything.
2006-12-20 14:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by baadfishii_35 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If all friends are in the same boat and it's only family attending, then I think you are being petty. They may not can afford a larger reception, or whatever the reason, ifit's consistent, get over it. Bringing gifts to the wedding is standard.
2006-12-19 22:39:50 · answer #8 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
So you are considered neither friend nor family? What exactly are you then? An anonymous donor to their wedding? I have never in my life ran across this, and if I did, I would run the other way. Height of tacky and rude. Buy yourself a gift with the $$ you would have spent. And trust me, you are not the only one who thinks this is bizarre.
2006-12-19 22:22:29 · answer #9 · answered by MelB 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Wow just for friends and family... how peeved would I be... seems like its basically being said bring a gift but don't join in on the party, I would express how it hurt me, and if he had no reaction I would polietly decline in invitation. If you aren't important enough to join the party why bother attending the wedding?
2006-12-19 22:19:56 · answer #10 · answered by Jillie88 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋