Any advice on handling a spoiled 16 year old girl?

Question

I just recently gained guardianship over my 16-year-old sister, and realized she is spoiled. When she is provided with things she doesn't seem appreciated, she more like expects it. She will soon be getting job now that she is 16, so Im hoping that will help. We also try giving her money for a week to eat lunch but doesn’t regulate it. She also goes about doing things half-assed; almost everything from keeping her room clean, chores, to homework. I know this behaviour is because of the parents. But what now after the corruption.

Answer 1

I hate to break the news to you, but sounds like typical 16 year old behavior to me.

Set a few clear rules. When setting consequences for rules infractions, make sure they match the offense, are fair, and follow through.

Don't sweat the small stuff, pick your battles, and develop a good sense of humor. That will help save your sanity.

Answer 2

I say keep giving her allowance. If she spends it all in a couple of days then that is her fault. Don't give her anymore to spend and she will learn to spend wisely. You giving her more will back up the way she was raised. With her allowance you give her make her earn it. If she doesn't do her chores properly she doesn't get the $ for that chore. Children learn that with every household there are different rules. We all know that as adults too. Don't let her try to make you change your rules for her to get away with things. Keep your feet planted and be consistent. You have taken the role of guardian not child. Keep being the adult and raise the child to your house rules. It sounds like you want to raise her to have responsible behaviour. It might seem crazy when you think about her age and only having a couple years before she is on her own but we as humans aren't like dogs with old habits. We learn throughout our lives and one is to better yourself as a person.

Answer 3

you are going to have to put your foot down and set some boundaries. you can't let her act like that. she will no doubt rebel against any new rules, but hopefully she will one day realize that you are doing this because you love her. tell her she isn't allowed to get a job until she can be more responsible and do her chores at home. don't give her any extra money unless she earns it. maybe then she will start to appreciate it. i wouldn't let her get a job unless she is making good grades, and maintains a good GPA if she gets a job. education is the most important thing she can get. i only wish my parents would have been more strict on me, it helps in the long run.

you need to pray about it and ask the Lord for help.

i will pray for your situation

Answer 4

Kids naturally try to test boundaries and whatnot, so the reason she is spoiled is because she is used to her parents "giving in" all the time. When you tell her to do something, you need to make the consequences clear ahead of time ("if you don't clean your room, you can't go out this weekend") and then stick to your contract NO MATTER WHAT! The sooner she learns that you mean business, the better. But you do need to be clear and up-front with her... don't dish out punishments without fair warning that they are about to come if she doesn't do the right thing (since, as I am sure she will tell you, that's just not fair).

Answer 5

Hey props to you for taking in your sister. I'd say, lay out some rules, and be on her until she gets them right. Expect the world of her, you might be surprised. Don't allow half ***-ed work, make her do it over. Ya you might get a lot of resistance, but the lessons she is learning will last a life time. Oh ya, make her earn everything she gets with you guys. For her the beginning will suck, because her life is being turned upside down. It might take a while, but in the end I think you will come out on top.

Once again, props to you for caring!!!!
Good Luck

Answer 6

This is hard
If you can afford to you may try a religious school I saw our neighbor's kid turn around from a brat to a nice kid in 6 months because of going to a strict christian school he was using foul language and now he is respectful and memorizes bible verses these schools are very targeted to each child and they get alot of attention Look on line some small church run schools are as low as 500 a month for tuition.
If she is having trouble with her grades private school will help

maybe you two could go on a weekend vacation to bond a little? bonding is good for respect and trust.

ps I feel that makeing her miserable by hiting her or cutting her off from her friends would make her resent you and make it all worse especially for girls our friends are who we run to when we need a crying shoulder
when we need to sit up all night and cry and we want someone who will listen but not judge or get upset someone to keep our secrets and say it'll be ok we go to our friends if she is having a hard time adjusting to the new custody arrangements do not cut off her friends she needs them

Good luck from someone who knows how hard big changes are

Answer 7

What most people need to know is that teen agers are BULLIES, Just like in school, they do what they do because they know they can get away with it.

First thing you need to do is STOP giving her money, for what ever reason. It is is for lunch then you yourself can go up to the school and pre pay for her lunches, They do that in most school. Mostly a kids just have to put in there student ID and they get there lunch paid.

Like every one else says STAND UP TO HER. DO NOT CAVE IN. Tell her what you expect and what she is to do and make sure she does it. In what ever way you can.

If it comes down to it do what I did with my daughter and give 1 plate 1 cup , things like that. She will be responsible for cleaning them, if she does not then she can eat off a dirty plate.

Since she has just moved in with you she is try to see how far she can go and how far she can push you .

I would also sit her down and explain to her that yes she is your sister but since you now have guardianship of her that you are the adult in the house and that means you get to tell her what to do.

Also tell her that you will NOT be unfair or unresonable with what you expect from her.

Tell her is she wants to be treated like an adult that she needs to start acting like one and explain to her what it is you expect.

Also remember she is ONLY 16 and has just moved into a new home with new people telling her what to do.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Ok, I seriously think this girl needs a lifestyle change.
She's probably confusing material wealth with relationship happiness.
Here's what I'd do...
A)-----------------------------------
Help her with money when she uses it for something healthy (and buy it with her). Say you'll match her dollar-for-dollar for every dollar she earns at work for such things.
This could include gym/ballet classes, school clubs, musical instruments, sports team membership fees, cooking equipment, prom admission (but not dresses)...anything related to hobbies that develop life-long hobbies and/or positive social connections and encouraging social freedom.

B)-----------------------------------
Say that, for everytime she buys something excessive (say a Versaci purse or anything unrelated to anything in part A), she loses your support on a relationship-related issue. IE if she buys the purse with her work money, you will not drive her to friends' houses or help her with any work. Give her enough money for basic food/transportation(gas)/etc. but, if she runs out of money for lunch tell her something like "you know, you will just have to earn that back by working extra hours, just like I'd have to if I bought a car I couldn't afford."

Make sure the underlying theme is "hey, if you don't help me by letting me enjoy my social life and not spend my fun time instead doing accounting for your money mistakes, why should I help you on your social life (I'm pretty much just doing back to you what you are doing to me)?

The point is NOT to make chores the issue: I know that's traditional parenting but all it comes across to to most teenagers is "the end justifies the means and I have the sword" and just makes them angry and externalize their problems more (IE say everything would be ok if it weren't for you rather than taking responsibility themselves).

Be more like a peer and less like a dictator: once she realizes you are more-or-less doing what she would probably do if she were you she'll realize you and her are on the same side of the fence and think of you more as a very smart and strong peer and less like a parent. Which, in a teenage world, is a major accomplishment.

Answer 9

Hi Bill, You really have your hands full with this one. You need to show her that you are the boss of the house hold. Put your foot down about not going her chores right.Make it a rule of the house, she needs to have all her chores done right,and all her homework done,before she can go do something with her friends. If she doesn't follow your house rules, ground her from doing anything with her friends,until she does things right.

Clowmy

Answer 10

she needs to work for her stuff. My dad gave me $60 a month for clothes, the rest I had to earn. I got no money for makeup or anything. At 12 he woudln't wake me up for school, he got me an alarm clock, and if I was late, he made me explain to the principal or teacher. If I left something laying around, my parents would take it away, and I could always buy it back. $2 per item. I had only packed lunches, if I wanted caffateria, it came from my own money. My fist vehicle, I had to save for. And so help me, if I missed work and was irresponsilbe with my job, did I hear about it. They just assumed money wasn't improtnant to me and stopped my allowance. If I didn't clean my room, it came out of my allowance. If I didn't take care of the dog, i didn't get to keep it.. etc.

I turned out really responsible. I am now a single mother of two and don't take anything from anyone. I take care of me and mine. And I am good with money too, cause I value it