What does the pastor ask the engaged couple in premarriage counseling?

Question

Additionally/specifically did the pastor ask you "have you ever had a huge fight?"

FYI FOR THOSE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: Unfortunately me and my sweetie have fought but never had a big one.

Answer 1

They ususally ask if you both are the same religion and if you have any specific questions or disagreements in regards to raising children or jobs or things like that, they ask the questions to make you THINK before you make a serious committment. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Are you both out of school, do you want to finish, how are your problem solving skills etc... The questions are meant to see if you really know what you are headed for.

Answer 2

Well.... here's a chance to hear from a Pastor.

Well, I'm not pastoring now because I teach at a Seminary and Bible college but I'll try to help.

First, it depends upon both the Pastor and the religious tradition. Typically, a Pastor in a more conservative denomination, or one with counseling training, will have more than one session.

I typically held 5-6.

Second, there are a number of possible purposes for the sessions.

Some Pastors are just there to ensure that the legalities are all taken care of and all the details surrounding the ceremony are covered.

Others believe that if you choose to be married in their church that you desire/need to understand the beliefs of that church.

Still other, like me, also added couples counseling because I did not want to bless a marriage in which people were unwilling to face serious issues. If they could discuss the important issues before marriage then the chances for success in that marriage go up.

Typically my sessions went like this:

1. Why do you want to be married here?
Tell me all about the other person (while they listen). Then the other gets to reply/correct the story. We sort out why imperfect knowledge exists.

2. A look at Faith and the Christian concept of marriage.

3. Review of a personality/values inventory I have each take. It looks for potential problem areas so that we can talk about them.

4. Sex, Money, Friends, Chores, and Conflict... How our personalities and backgrounds work out in areas of the marriage

5. Children and Family Relationships

6. Details of the ceremony.


I usually started this about 3-4 months in advance and did them weekly.

I hope this helps. God Bless!

Answer 3

An older couple in our church did our counseling. I think that's a little more credible than a priest who has never been married to start with. I had the woman on the phone during our first major fight, and they still ok'ed us to get married. They actually told us 6-8 sessions, and after 3, they said we were fine.

Answer 4

Apparently you've had a huge fight or this wouldn't be of concern to you.

The pastor might want to know why you're getting married, what do you expect from marriage. How do your parents feel about the one you've chosen? What are your views on religion? Do you agree on this matter? If not, what happens when you have children? How will you decide how to raise them? He might even want to know HOW you fight.

I don't know how long you'll be counselling, but don't be worried. You'll do just fine.

Answer 5

Usually the pastor is looking to see if you 2 are really compatible with each other.Married couples do have fights but they learn to compromise that is what a long term relationship is about .. and its both compromising not just one all the time. Our pastor sent us to a retreat, our friends were given a huge questionairre to fill out and then went back to get the results. Each parish is different.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

We had to actually take a "test" where we were in different rooms taking the same test, then they look at the answers and all the stuff we didn't get correctly they ask you about and counsel you.... so yes they in a way asked if we fight, and how we get over fights and why they happen. You'll have to take a pre canna class.

Answer 8

Probably depends on the religion, but will most likely look for communication in the relationship, how you approach problems together. Identifies strengths and areas of weakness that need to be worked on in order to have a successful union. Goes over the most common issues that married couples have, i.e. sex, money, religion, children, etc.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Nope, I don't recall that question.

The pastor talks more than asks. He'll go on and on about how you WILL have big fights, and how you need to work them out, and sometimes he'll give good strategies for how to do this.