I just want to tell some funny jokes but I'm not the kind to make them up and I kinda ran out of the old ones. ya kno... Please no unclean jokes. :-)
2006-12-19 13:09:32 · 9 answers · asked by smartone 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
a guy walks into a bar and says ouch....
another guy walks into tha same bar and the bartender goes,"why did u do that?"
2006-12-19 13:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A Cardinal of the Church dies and goes to Heaven. An angel is giving him the the grand tour and a soul goes by draped in gold trimmed pure white robe with cheribim throwing rose pedals in his path as he ascends the gold inlaid white marble steps to his massive white marble mansion. The Cardinal asks the angel who that is and the angel says, "Oh, he's a lawyer.". The Cardinal thinks, "Wow, if that is what a lawyer gets, I can imagine what I, a Cardinal of the Church, will get". They continue on the tour and enter a huge building with a 200 foot high arched enterance way and the hall equally as impressive stretches forever. After walking for miles down the hall they take a left into another hall with 100 ft. high ceilings and walk again, coming to another turn into a hall with 50 ft. ceilings. this goes on an on with each turn the hall becomes smaller and narrower until finally they are going down a hall so narrow they have to walk single file and duck into doorways to let others pass. They come to a rough hewn wooden door, the angel opens it and inside there is a small straw cot, a basin and pitcher and a small window that looks out over nothing special. The angel says, "This is where you will reside for eternity in Heaven.". The Cardinal is totally taken aback by this and blusters out, "I'm a Cardinal of the Church and THIS is all I get, why did the lawyer get so much?" The angel says, " Cardinals are a dime a dozen, he's the only lawyer we've got here.".
2006-12-20 23:57:31 · answer #2 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the easiest job in the world?
To be the prosecutor and put Michael Jackson on the witness stand and try to create "REASONABLE DOUBT!"
Closing statement, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, there he is! That's all I have."
Hey Yogi, about the going up and down and never moves? My bi-polar ex husband! LOL!
2006-12-19 21:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by sherijgriggs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a Japanese house a baby was born.
It had tiny eyes, nose, ears and mouth so they named him Ingwingwong.
Soon a second baby was born.
It also had tiny ears, eyes, nose and mouth. They named him Chingwingwong.
Then the third was born. It had BIG ears, eyes, nose and mouth.
The parents thought for long and at last named him Somethingwrong.
2006-12-22 06:39:07 · answer #4 · answered by cool_crib 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."
2006-12-19 21:14:18 · answer #5 · answered by Grandma of six 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
What goes up and down but never moves? (stairs)
What can be measured that doesn't have length, width, or thickness? (temperature)
What is made of wood but can't be sawed? (paper)
2006-12-19 21:17:00 · answer #6 · answered by Evangelist with Real Talk 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do you know what does the word "WIFE" stand for?
it stands for "Without Information Fighting Every time...."
hope you like it
2006-12-19 21:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by Gardenia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON BEING TWENTY EIGHT YRS. OLD????????
THE FACT THAT,THERE'S TWENTY OF THEM..........
FATHER TO SON:
SON LIE TO ME AND I'LL GIVE YOU TEN BUCKS..........
SON TO FATHER:
BUT YOU SAID IT WAS FIFTY BUCKS..........
....../.....HOPE YOU LIOKE EM' THAT'S ONLY WHAT I CAN THINK OF.....\.....
2006-12-19 23:35:17 · answer #8 · answered by a blonde and proud of it........ 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't witches wear panties?? to get a better grip on the broom...............lol lol
2006-12-19 23:10:40 · answer #9 · answered by eric b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋