My almost 3yr old has been mis-behaving at daycare. It's gotten to the point when they call me at work HELP!

Question

She mostly acts up when she doesn't get her way. They send her to time out and she screams, takes her clothes off(even her hair pieces), and sometimes uses the bathroom on herself(she been potty trained for almost a year). NONE OF THIS SHE EVEN THINKS OF DOING AT HOME. I know part of the problem is that they cannot spank her there. I hardly ever have to spank her at home cause she's gotten to the point where she knows her boundaries. So I figured if I no longer spanked her at home and just talked to her then their method would work on her but it only back fired on me. She started to treat me like them. On top of that when she had gotten to the point when she started taking of her clothes they questioned me as if it wasn't normal and something had to be going on at home. I do reward her when she is good with stickers and cookies. They moved her with the kids a year older because she was always the leader and seemed to outgrow the ones her age. It seemed to work but now she is back at it

When I say she uses the bathroom on herself yes that means she did the #1 or #2. I mean she would literally scream, stop, and spread her legs and just let it go. From what they told me.

I will give it to her she is very smart. She used to act out with my mother until my mother started use that special tone of voice with her. Then she knew her boundaries with her too.

But she never went to the extremes like this with my mother all she used to do with her is say no or not do something she told her to do.

Most of the time what sets her off is when they tell her to stop doing something she isn't supposed to or when they tell her to go use the bathroom. Basically when they give her instructions to do something.

Answer 1

What were the consequences at home for her misbehavior at daycare?
If you give her a timeout (sitting on a chair or standing in the corner) and she won't do it, starts the screaming, taking off her clothes, ect., sit her down on your lap and hold her, if she flails, restrain her, let her know her behavior is unacceptable, "You are not being a good girl" that you want her to be "moms good girl"..."if you're a good girl at daycare/home we will for go for ice cream, "You were such a good girl today I'm taking you to playland at mc donalds", ect.
Be consistent...when she realizes you are not going to allow her tantrums, they will become less and 3 - 5 mins on a chair will be accepted...the same rules should apply at daycare. Good luck!

Answer 2

You need a new daycare place. I can't believe they questioned you because she took off her clothes. That is paranoia in my book. She is 2 years old and kids do that sort of thing when they are 2. (Terrible two's). Just because she is almost three does not mean she should act like a child who is 3 and almost 4.

Maybe she behaves at home because she is afraid of you. She is obviously not afraid of them because they don't do anything to her besides put her in time out. Maybe if they stopped talking to her for a while instead of the timeout thing it would work better.

What do you mean by "she uses the bathroom on herself"? Do you mean she wets or soils her panties? I never heard that expression before. Children who revert to that kind of behavior are frequently suspected of trying to get attention because of a new sibling or such. Maybe she doesn't like to be in the older group and is trying to appear younger.

Answer 3

are you aware of the research that shows children who enter day care in the first year of life, and who spend more than 10 hours a week away from mommy before age 3 become very aggressive and very unhappy? are you aware of the research that shows spanking makes kids aggressive and stupid?

Of course she's not doing it at home - she's hardly ever home. You're not her mom, she really doesn't have a mom. So, she's like a wild animal. but, she is desparate for your attention and she'll do what it takes to get smidgens of it. but unless you try now to actually be there for her, you've pretty much screwed up her personality for good - she will always have that empty ache inside wondering why you didn't love her enough to be with her. It's just how kids are.

How sad. Look what you've done.

give her what you've been cheating her out of - a home and a mother. what a lousy life you've given her, huh?

Answer 4

you want consistency, that's all you want. i understand what that's favor to have numerous little ones myself. i'm confident you recognize a thanks to self-discipline your toddler. %. a fashion you want to apply, at the same time as the toddler misbehaves, USE IT! Use it the same way, each and every time, each and each TIME. no count number what you're doing, you need to upward push up, and self-discipline your toddler good THEN. at the same time as your toddler learns that he's taking section on your recreation, and under no circumstances any incorrect way round, he will study. BE consistent each and every time. extra extra, in case you threaten your toddler with self-discipline, it more beneficial be some thing you may save on with with the help of with. also, no matter in case your toddler embarasses you interior an inch of your existence, and motives you large pressure because he's performing a fool in a public position, do not enable him see it bothers you. in case you do those products, he will pay interest. next time he hurts your one 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous toddler, %. his rear finally end up and spank it! that's unacceptable. on each occasion he shows good habit praise him for his good habit and tell him how satisfied he's made you. How PROUD you're of him. once you do this, word the delight and happiness in his personal eyes. he will be extra in all probability to favor to get that praise back! If NONE of this works, please take your toddler to the overall practitioner and ask about nutrition allergen attempting out. some nutrition allergic reactions will reason very unusual behavioral complications. best of success!

Answer 5

My conclusion I'm jumping to is that she is too smart or above average and is acting out when she has to conform. Find a different day care facility where people are understanding of her and it can make all the difference in the world.

She is only 3 years old. Some kids act like her at 2, and some post pone it until 3. It's normal, but the fact that they can't get a handle on her makes me suspicious of the people who run the day care. Not of you.

I also believe that you can discipline her without swatting her, too. But, I cannot see or observe what is going on... good luck.

Answer 6

Is the school monitoring the antecedents (precursers) of her behavior? What is triggering the outbursts? Is it just that she isn't getting her way, or is something else going on? They need to be investigating WHY this is happening first, before they can figure out WHAT to do about it. Is she being provoked by someone? Is she getting enough attention? Children act out for four main reasons... to avoid something/someone, to get something, to gain attention, and to get/avoid a sensory experience. The staff needs to take time to observe her... see what she is seeking or avoiding. You mentioned that she recently changed levels of classrooms... is she now the youngest in the group? They need to then investigate the causes of her actions... is she trying to get away, seek attention or is there a reason that she takes off her clothes? What are they doing to prevent meltdowns? Part of this is observing... they need to know what sets her off in order to be able to counteract the behavior. So, basically, the answer to your question is that you need to talk to the staff and find out if they are documenting and observing her behavior to find out what is the cause. There is always a reason for behavior- you just need to find the cause. Good luck!

Answer 7

At the age of 3 children push the limits every single day, its a natural and normal behavioral development. Yes its unusual that she removes her clothing and messes herself, but in the end lets face it, she gets what she wants to, she gets to go home with mum. It may sound harsh, but when she displays this behavior then not only does she need time out, but she need to get herself cleaned up, redressed and kept in time out till she calms down. By calling you home from work and you taking her home, she is getting what she wants, she sees it as a reward for her misbehaving. I would if I was you explain it to the day care people, if they have to call you to come get her, sure go tend to her, but don't let her get her way by taking her out of day care.
Placing her back with children her own age is probably a good idea as well, although she seemed to outgrow them, if she is getting bossy or pushy with them then the same time out rule needs to apply.
Hopefully it will only take a few days of upsets before she gets back on track.
Hope this helps.

Answer 8

Does she wear different clothing at the center than she does at home? Maybe she is physically uncomfortable at daycare for some reason. why does she wear hairpieces.
Did you ask her in a non-confronting way why she doesn't like to go to the bathroom. Maybe there is a boogyman in there. Do they have stalls? Maybe she is afraid of the toilets? Do they have privacy in the bathroom?

She sounds desperate to me.

Answer 9

Well, if it makes you feel any better- it sounds like she's playing up as she's away from mom and dad and wants them back. We just did this in psychology. She seems skilled at getting your attention, well that's what kids are programmed to do. So she's succeeded and you're obviously well bonded with her. It's actually healthy. I know it doesn't seem it.

I remember now- you need to give her things that remind her of her loved ones. You know, blankets, bears, anything that reminds her of you. Even a recording, your scent, an old sweater. You get the picture- that makes kids most secure with others.

Answer 10

4 things I think:
1) she is having emotional problems at home, some abuse or something
2) she may have a chemical imbalnance in her brain (but if she only acts out there, I would doubt it)
3) she is trying to tell you that is not a good place. maybe their is abuse going on at the daycare... something is wrong there
or
4)she needs more time with her family... I am a single mom and have one income with no child support, but when my duaghter was younger, I could only work part time because of her anxiety....