Is it fair for my mom to make me choose her over my grandmother?

Question

Ok, my parents have been fighting for a LONG time,and my mom HATES my dad's family, mainly my grandma and it's a long story but, anyways I play concerts(I play guitar at a rock school---lots of fun) and I was wondering is it fair if my mom said I need to tell them they can't come to my shows anymore or she won't come to them? And is it fair if she gets mad when i say im going to see them, or spend the night there and stuff?

1. I meant to make the title "is it fair for my mom to tell me i need to choose her or my grandmother"I don't want to make it like im choosing sides
2.We have had a LOT of talks, but they all end up making everything WORSE
3.It sucks

4. "My grandma is horrible to my mom"

4(continued)She knew my dad was cheating on her, and my grandma had that girl over while i was at their house.

4(continued)My grandma knew my dad was cheating on her, and my grandma had that girl over while i was at my grandparents house

Answer 1

IF YOUR MATURE ENOUGH, ITS YOUR DECISION

Answer 2

No sweety, its not. I think that as a parent, we sometimes do things that we do not realize will hurt our children more than anything or anyone else, without properly thinking it through. If your mom can't come to a happy median for your sake, then just invite her to every other concert, and invite your grandma to the other ones. The ones you do not invite your mom to, let her know why. Tell her you love her but you don't want to upset her or your grandma, whom you love also. She really needs to talk to someone about her problem, so that she can work through her issues with your grandma. If she doesn't want to then you have to be the grown up and that's probably the best thing you can do to keep everyone happy, except probably your mom, which doesn't matter because she should know better than to try to make you choose anyway. Good luck, and rock on.

Answer 3

You love your mom and you love your grandma, right?
It would have been better if your mom had handled this problem herself. (It IS her problem.) But now you need to come up with a solution. I think I would tell her that you could not stand it if she were to stop coming. Tell her you understand exactly why she feels so betrayed by your dad and his family, but that they are still your grandparents and you still love them in spite of what they have done. Therefore, it is important to you that your grandma get to attend some too. Tell her you would like to arrange that both get to attend, but not at the same time. (I would give my mom more times and preference on choosing...)

You would then need to tell your grandma that this is what you need to do and why.

I realize you may be spitting into the wind with these two. If that is the case, you need to refuse to be the middleman any more, not the communicator and not the one torn apart.

Answer 4

It is totally unfair and you really need to have a talk with her about how you feel. If she and you father's family have a problem with eachother so be it, but she is being selfish by forcing her issues on you in this way.
She must understand that although she may not like it, they are still your family. Also let her know that although you would like to continue seeing them, you still love her and let her know how important she is to you. She may just fear that you will abandon her for the other side of the family, and after a seperation the last thing anyone wants is to be abandoned again.

Answer 5

Let her get mad...She is putting you in the middle. If you want your grandparents at the concerts...then let it be...it's YOUR concert...NOT your mother's concert. Your mother is going to have to bite the bullet.




response: Your dad cheated on ur mom...and grandma had the girl over grandma's house....STILL:::She is your grandma..if you want her at the concert...so be it. Your mom just wants you on her side...and feel sorry for her. It is all about her...not about you. Which should be the other way around...it should be all about you.

Answer 6

No this is not fair of your mom to make you choose like that. She seems to be taking her anger for them out on you, and that is wrong and very immature of your mom. I think you, your mom and your dad need to sit down and have a talk about this situation before it turns into a really ugly situation with you stuck in the middle. You need your grandparents as well as your parents and it is unfair to make you choose.

Answer 7

You know the answer to the question!

But I think your question should be:How to handle it, without causing problems...

I'm a stepmum - and my daughter (step) has this problem, because her (real) mum, expects her to 'choose' between us all the time, because her (real) mum, hates me. My stepdaugther is TORN and this is indeed very unfair on her.

HOWEVER - I AM SURE YOUR MUM IS NOT DOING IT DELIBERATLY AND WILL PROBABLY NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND THAT IS WRONG. (Thats why talking makes it worse)

it is not for you or me to judge your mum - she is afterall your mum and she probably has problems that you don't even know of, which makes her behave this way.

She probably feels betrayed by your dad's family or something, and wants to 'recruit' her most precious thing: YOU - to be on her side, to make her feel better.

Sooooo - its up to YOU to be the grown-up in this situation, and try and deal with it, the best way you can....

Here's what I would do. TALK TO YOUR DAD and his family. CALMLY and NICELY (they are older, and may be a little less emotional) and explain to them:

1. You love them very much, and you love your mum very much.

2. You have too much on your plate, to try and deal with grown-up's issues

3. You don't know what the problem is between them and your mum. AND YOU DONT CARE, because you dont want to take sides.

4. Although it hurts you very much, until the issues have been sorted out between them, they can't come to your concerts. NOT BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT THEM THERE - but because you don't want to cause strife and conflict in your home with your mum.

5. Try and work out an arrangement where THEY come to some concerts, and YOUR MUM comes to other concerts.

I know this is VERY HARD TO SWALLOW. Trust me, I sometimes wish I could punch my stepdaugther's (real) mum in the face for being so cruel - but then I try and understand how she must feel: lonely, scared and betrayed - and then I try and be nice, for my daughter's sake.

Your mum (and dad!) is the most precious and wonderful thing in your life... no matter how badly she behaves sometimes... best to try and understand, and respect her feelings.

AND LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE - NEVER, EVER DO THIS TO YOUR OWN KIDS!

Answer 8

No it isnt fair at all just because ur mom doesnt like ur grandparents souldnt mean u cant see or talk 2 them. i think ur mom needs 2 grow up a bit and stop being so childish. the best of luck 2 u . i no what its like when family cant get along.

Answer 9

This is not fair to you at all!! You should talk to your mom and tell her that just because she dosent like your gramma dosent mean that you cant spend time with her or have a relationship. In my opinion your mother is acting like a child. She should grow up and let you have a loving relationship with your grandparents.

Answer 10

i would have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her that just because she doesnt like grandma doesnt mean that i am going to dislike her.tell her that you are going to love her and love grandma as well and no one can stop that.she really needs to grow up. if she doesnt want to go to your concerts then she can stay home and i would tell her that.if she cant get along with your grandma then what lesson in life is she going to show you from this.

Answer 11

it's your decision. don't let either of them sway it.. they should both realize that they are putting you in an awkward position and being both the older more "mature" they should suck it up and if they both love you go and see you play