im not strong enough to break up....?

Question

Im not strong enough to break up....?
im not strong enough to take the steps i need to to take break up wiht my boyfriend... he is much older than i am, he is not for me. i dont know how to walk away... my sister says to do it slowly but i cant even do that... what do i do for support or help?

Answer 1

Think about your future, do you want to be in this same position in 15 years? I am sure you don;t. You need to be strong, do what is best for you, follow your heart always. Who rules your life? You do. You need to start taking control of your life and your decisions. Dont let someone else manipulate you or guilt u into a relationship you don't want. If you waste too much time your soulmate could come along, and leave, seeing that you are taken with someone else. The sooner the better. Get out now. If its hard to do it slowly just do it quickly. Tell him you dont feel it is working out and need some time alone, need a break. Dont hang out with him, dont accept his calls, dont read his emails. Make a clear break.

Answer 2

Strong Enough To Break

Answer 3

You ARE strong enough, you just don't know it. Keep telling yourself that you know your decision is right, that your heart is telling you the right thing to do. Whenever you feel weak, tell yourself that your heart is strong. Hold onto that.

First, do you live with this boyfriend? If you do, find another place to live immediately. Ask your sister or friend if you can move in with her.
Next, are you financially dependent on him? If so, start looking for a job to support yourself.
Pack up and move out as soon as possible, preferably when he is not around. Then write him a letter explaining your reasons for the breakup.
Is he emotionally abusive to you? Is that why you don't feel strong enough to leave him - has he convinced you that you are inferior, that you need him? Because that is NOT true, he is just being mean, and is a very good reason to leave him immediately.

You can do it. Trust yourself, and the whisper of your heart.

Answer 4

Hey hon,
Good for you for recognizing that the person you're with is not right for you and wanting to walk away. If you've submitted this, then the question is really how and not if, right? So...
First. Figure out why it's hard to walk away.

Are you worried about hurting his feelings?
Are you worried about being alone?
Are you worried that he will hurt you?

If you are worried that he will hurt you, even if it's just a vague worry, you need to get a hold of yourself and contact someone who can help you. That means, telling people what you are about to do, when and where you will be doing it and why you are scared... and then letting him know that others have been informed. If you are scared, forget the etiquette of breaking up in person... do it over the phone and tell him why. If you are really scared, don't hesitate to contact the police - they'd much rather help you end it with someone than be called after the fact. Don't be a victim... there are people who love you and want you to be safe.

If you are hesitant because you don't want to be alone and you worry that you'll miss him, put your fears aside. Life goes on after break-ups, and, after a few crying sessions, you'll feel a lot better. Make plans with friends and don't be afraid to spend time with your family too. Find something fulfilling (art, music, reading or writing) and make sure you stay social. Don't look to other guys to relieve your loneliness, but to your own talents and your girlfriends.

If you are worried about hurting his feelings, well, you won't be the first. Think of it this way: people break up all the time and someones got to be the 'bad guy.' Just do it and don't look back. I'd say, forget about being friends with the person. If you are really worried about how he feels, being around him will just upset him. He's not for you, right? So instead of thinking of the break-up as denying him a girlfriend, think of it as allowing him the freedom to meet someone who is right for him. Don't let him argue you out of it, just tell him it's over, end of story.

I hope that helps some. You are strong enough to break up with him... men can be intimidating, but forge your own life... it's easy, just do what you want to do and enjoy the freedom.

Answer 5

Ok, before I can answer this question really well please add some details (I'll change/expand my answer and add more details when you do). For now here are some general guidelines:
A) Is this guy verbally or emotionally abusive? Does he, directly or indirectly, tell you you're worthless and/or compare you to supposedly superior people or himself, or cheating when you have not cheated on him or done lots of under-cover flirting with other guys?
In general, do the steps I describe in B)
B) Is he physically abusive? In general, just live with your parents or, if they are not good with that get to a woman's shelter until you level out your esteem.
C) Do you depend on him for your home/money/car/etc.?
In general do the same steps as in B and, if you do not have a job, consider getting one: you should be on more-or-less equal earning levels with whoever you date or you are asking for power issues.
D) Does a lot of your hesitation to leave deal with respect you think you may/may not get when you leave him (IE if he leaves you may lose related friends, be stuck with parents you can't get along with, never find another lover)?
E) Do you have any issues that have nothing to do with his beahavior (IE the above issues) but his age or beauty alone? Are you embarrassed to be seen with him around your friends, think he's a bad lover in bed, fear your parents will leave your side if they find out you are dating someone older...?
In general these are insecurities on your part, not his, and chances are you should admit the problems to yourself then, if you agree it's your own superficiality that's making his age an issue, admit it to him before you leave him so he will be calmer in the sense of not feeling you're trying to trick him or think he's dumb enough not to realize something's wrong.

However, if you realize you're just acting on insecurities, I'd consider trying to work out the relationship with this guy.

---------------------------------------------------------
The other thing, no matter what the case: get hobbies, spend time with your friends, make it obvious to yourself there are many great things you can do for and in this world besides just being a girlfriend.

Answer 6

As hard as it may seem, the best way is confronting him, and saying "this isn't for me". You don't have to say anything negative about him. (If you find a new boyfriend first, then it is easier for him to get the message.) Even though you (and most of the world) really try avoiding confrontation, if you don't, you will just prolong your agony. Maybe practice with your sister what you should say. But I don't think that your sister's "slow" method will work, because he'll talk you out of it.

Answer 7

If its that bad, that he has you beat down so bad you are afraid or too weak to leave the only way is to do it quickly. Move , leave town and leave him a note telling him you don't want him in your life any more. Go to a women's shelter if necessary Don't tell him where you are going. If he comes after you, call the police.

Answer 8

I've been in this situation. I tried everything .. not answering calls or doorbells, he just wouldn't accept that it was over. He would find me where ever I was; he couldn't accept that I was with someone else. This dragged on for four months. Finally, I agreed to meet him and said the magic words that made him understand my heart, " I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE"

Answer 9

Do it quickly and then stop talking to him forever.

Answer 10

have more confidence in yourself :)