Troubled 2nd grader?

Question

My 2nd grader has a baby sibling by me that is 3 years her junior. I'm not with thier father anynoe and he has a yo yo relationship with a new woman he now lives with. She always tells my children wrong advice and makes sure they repeat it back as if it were gospel. They haven't seen her and their father most of this year and when they do. they are informed an then inform me they are getting a new sibling by her. They aren't very happy about it I try to be supportive and let them know that the child will be part them just like they are part father and part me. The new baby is allegedly part him so that part will also be family. They ask me if that means they'll get a half mom too. the 2nd Grader feels abandoned and unwanted an no longer a sparkle in her father's eye. Any sugesstions for helping her through this?

unborn Baby due before xmas

He is selfish, We are about to go on winter recess and I thought he might want to bond with his older two and let them be there when the new one arrives.....

His response there germs are too powerful for the Baby(not yet born) and he is using this as his excuse to avoid His older daughter's completely the 16 days they are free of school obligations.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, there is no way to make a man into a father if he does not want to be one to his own kids. Odds are he will not be a good father to the baby because some fathers out there do repeat the same pattern, but I do not recommend telling his girlfriend that due to her not believing you. In regards to the girlfriend's advice to your second grader, she is trying to believe it on some level to perhaps keep their father's love or win it. The best thing is to get your second grader into counseling to help her with the abandonment issues created by her father. Abandonment issues can be tough or a father being in and out of a child's life. I also recommend checking with the school to see if they have a support group for kids from a single parent household. I do recommend keeping track on a calendar on the days and times he is taking the kids, and I recommend keeping a journal of all communications with him. In some states, child support is based on the amount of parenting time a parent has used and can increase the amount of child support he pays in a situation like yours (recommend checking with your county's child support office for details). Also, no matter what be supportive of both girls because this is a hard time for them not seeing their father often but stay away from badmouthing their father.

Answer 2

The school's test doesn't sound thorough at all... you know that the special ed teacher can't diagnose him or prescribe medication, right? You have to go to a doctor for that. A GP can do it, but they tend to just prescribe medication without really looking into the situation... go to a child psychiatrist instead. Also, ADHD is over diagnosed because quite often the person assessing the child fails to rule out other causes for the behavior problems. If you do a bit of research, you'll see that a lot of the signs of ADHD and giftedness are the same - are you sure your son isn't bored in class because he's too smart for it? If he's really innattentive he needs a creative outlet. Does the school have a good P.E. program? If he's hyperactive, get him involved in some sort of sport. Is there a lot of sugar in his diet? Maybe he's eating the wrong stuff for breakfast, or he's sensitive to preservatives. Or maybe he's just an energetic kid who needs a lot of stimulation. To be considered ADHD, a person's symptoms have to be present and problematic in at least 3 areas of his or her life - home life, social life and school life. If your son's beneficent't an issue at home, then it might be a school problem. The teacher could just be bad at cocontroling children. Do some research, talk to the special ed teacher and find out how many students at your son's school are diagnosed with the disorder - if it's an unusually large percentage, it may be that the school tends to medicate kids rather than make an effort to createa program that helps them cope better in school. I'm sure you already have, but do some research online too. Youtube has some good videos, and there are plenty of good sites representing all the different viewpoints on ADHD. See if your kid fits the descriptions. Also remember that ADHD medication is a hugely profitable industry, and some of the ADHD experiments are funded or ororganizedy the medication companies. THese are likely to be ininaccurateThey will be among the first hits you get, bebecausehe companies pay more to have them put first. If you see a lot of adds for med companies on the site, that may be an indication that it is sponsored by that company. Don't believe evovereatingou read.

Answer 3

This is tough question and a tough situation. Firmly and lovingly let your children know that you are their Mom. You're not going anywhere and that you are basically like a huge immovable rock - you will always be there and nothing can change that. You love them deeply and permanently.

About your daughter, hmmm. Unfortunately, life thows its curve balls to all of us. The sad truth is, the new baby will be the sparkle in his eye for now and a long time. And more prosaically, babies take up a lot of time and energy. My suggestion is to read up on this topic in some parenting books. If you do not have a library card, you can read at the library while your childrent entertain themselves in the kid's section. Naturally, there's also the 'net.

And more sad is the apathetic dad. Both of your children will need your support throughout their life on this one. Word of warning though, you can discuss his flaws without talking bad about him. This would only rip your daughters' hearts out. Don't add to the problem. Good Luck to you and your children...

Answer 4

Fact is that you can not force your children's father to spend time or talk to them if the does not want to. Yes it is sad that the children are the ones to suffer but all you can do is simply tell them that their father can't see them right now because the new baby is due and there are a lot of things that have to be done to prepare for the new baby,(which there are) and that maybe when things settle down they can go see their father and new family. The fact that they're not happy about the new baby is too bad, that's life they need to get over it. The 2nd grader needs to get over herself and stop expecting the world to revolve around her, the fact is that her father is entitled to a "new" life just as her mother if IF she chooses and sometimes those new lives include additions to one's family. You can explain to them that while this new baby will be their "half" sibling it's mother is basically their step mother and that while they are in their father's home they are to respect the rules he and her set down. When they are in your home they are expected to respect your rules.

Answer 5

This is a tough place to be in, but not beyond redemption. Number one objective: Don't let anything make you bitter. Always, (with help from above) try to keep a warm, loving frame of mind. Life has to go on, so she still has to learn the little lessons in life, but she will need extra affection and reassurance that you will always be there for her. You alone are her Mom, and no one should try to usurp that relationship, but she doesn't need to be the one who fights that battle. She can think of this new person as a new friend, and hopefully it will be a positive relationship. Your job is to love her. Double up on that.

Answer 6

I would worry more about the 'other' mother of the family making my eldest daughter feel even more left out. It's always going to a be tricky business - doesn't matter how hard you try. Yr job is to do the best you can to make your kids realise that YOU love them absolutely. Your ex is going to have his hands full with the advent of yet another miracle-compromise sometimes helps-but not always. Inform him of your child's concerns - if he's worth his salt he'll do something about it ------

Answer 7

That is so sad that their father has acted so immature. I feel so bad for your babies. You know what has hurt them, why and how. If this were me, I would ask my kids (I have three) if they "wanted" to visit with dad (who I am no longer with). They do have minds of their own. Let them know that you understand how he has made them feel and that he has hurt their feelings. You will stand by whatever decision they make about visits. It is very unfortunate that he has made them feel like he is choosing new baby over them. Try to express that to him, in as nice a way as possible. Maybe that was not his intention, he may feel bad enough to apologize. It sounds like he is involved with a controlling, manipulative, idiot I am sure she is treating him like crap and he just can't handle it. Nor have his children (with you), around the B****'s drama. He may be trying to keep them away from her, not himself. Try talking to him calmly, and work something out. I am so sorry, Hug your kids extra tight and let them know that you would be there extra more. Please don't dwell on this during the Holidays and make it extra special for them. Take care and God Bless.

Answer 8

Talk to her father, and let him know how she is feeling. Remember that no matter how hard it is, you can't be responsible for your daughters relationship with her father. If he doesn't maintain that relationship, help your child move on.

Answer 9

You should have a talk to your ex about all sitting down together and talking about the situation together. Let him know ahead of time the worries your child has so that he knows what to properly address.

Good Luck

Answer 10

The Father needs to talk to both children and reassure them. You can talk all you want but it's him there are concerned about. You need to speak with him and ask him to help with this matter.