My fiance and I have our own home, and his parents have a key for emergency purposes or for when we're out of town and we ask them to water the plants. They have a habit of walking into the house whenever they feel like it though and its now to the point where they let themselves into the house when we're at work and they snoop through our belongings and change things in our home to suit what they think looks better. We've asked them to stop this and they continually say that since they are parents those boundaries don't apply to them.
Has anyone else experienced this and if so how did you approach it without causing a big conflict over it? We don't want them to feel like they can never come over for a visit, but we'd like it if they kept their visits to times when we're actually there.
PS: We've thought of changing the locks or getting a chain with a key for across the door for when we're out, but then that would defeat the purpose of them having a key if theres an emergency.
2006-12-19 09:58:25 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Emergency key or not, you do have the right to ask them to NOT enter the home EXCEPT in the case of emergency. It's kind of like a handshake agreement, and you do have legal rights in this case.
Simply tell them that the key is for emergencies only, and if you come home again and things have been rifled through and/or changed around, you will report it to the police or seek out a lawyer to bar them from entering the home except on occasions as previously laid out when they accepted the key.
It's no different than giving your neighbor a key for emergencies and they let themselves in for a non-emergency. You can press charges of either trespassing and/or breaking & entering. You could even seek out charges of vandalism and/or criminal mischief. Believe it or not, people have won cases such as this before when it goes into the court system.
I know they are your fiance's parents, but you have a right to have your own privacy, and they are invading it. If they won't honor your wishes, make them learn the hard way.
2006-12-19 10:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by T S 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
When you have a key to someone Else's house, there is a lot of responsibility that goes with it. His parents are not living up to the responsibility. If there were an emergency, you could call a lock smith. Change the locks!
I changed my locks on my parents several years ago because they brought in out of town relatives to see my messy house while I was working 80 hour weeks. The "Oh they weren't looking at the mess, they just wanted to see your house" excuse didn't cut it.
Nip this problem in the bud before they become in-laws who don't respect you in your own house. When you marry him, you are marrying his family too. You don't need to tell them anything, just change the locks. If they ask then just say you AND your fiance were uncomfortable with how the keys were being used.
2006-12-19 10:08:14 · answer #2 · answered by Automation Wizard 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Parents (or anyone for that matter) can only step over the boundaries if you allow them to do it. Get a deadbold and install it with another key. This is not a good situation. Change the locks. It sort of defeats the purpose of having your own place if your parents insist on coming and going as they wish, does it not? I'd rather take my chances on emergencies (ever hear of putting a key under a planter?) than with someone bardging into my home...be it my parents or anyone else. Tell them up front: I'm changing the locks on the doors because I really don't like ANYONE coming into my home whenever they feel like it....that includes parents. If they get mad, they get mad. We have a saying in New Orleans: "You can get glad in the same drawers you got mad in".....so there ya go, dawlin'!!! Grow up and tell them how you feel or God help you when your kids come along!
Great question!!!! Godloveya!
2006-12-19 10:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG, that is ridiculous. I would never do that to my kids. I would have taken the key back and changed the locks. Or maybe just tell them I changed the locks. Also your fiancee should be telling them that this is your home too and they can't just show up and come in. What if you are home making love, or walking around in your undies, maybe you have guests. This is very rude of them. I think that they have proved that they can't handle having a key. You'd be better off leaving it with a neighbour. Oh btw, in emergencies there are plenty of ways to get into a house without a key.
2006-12-19 10:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want them to stop there is only one way--- change the locks. As far as the "Key for emergencies"- you can hide a key on your property and you do not have to disclose the key location until there is an emergency--- you are past the point of letting them have the key --- they will NOT stop using it-- you asked, they wont stop and the snooping is only going to get worse. The key can be hidden under an ornamental rock in your yard- or you can actually purchase the little boxes people put car keys in and they are magnetic- you can then place it somewhere like under a lamp- or you can slightly bury it under the mulch since it would be in the box or you can put it in a plastic baggie and hide it in a bush-- it's easy to be creative when you have to be sneaky in your own home and by the way- how disturbed is your fiance' about their intrusions? You may want to nix the hidden key and give one to your parents who may respect your boundaries.
2006-12-19 10:05:33 · answer #5 · answered by mac 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well...it's better if you'll just change the key to your bedroom so that they can't snoop on your privacy . For the time being...if can not be avoided...let things be...for as long as it's for your own good. Changing things around is not a big deal if it does not cause any problem...if it does...tell them about it...because as parents they will surely understand . It's just so small a thing to let go at the moment...try to count into consideration the time they spent to take care of the house...watering the plants...and whatever. Now...if you think... you can manage without them...then tell your fiancee to get the key from them and that they are not needed anymore. So try to weigh and consider first.
2006-12-19 10:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by dimma59 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am 52. My parents are healthy and active. They have had a key to our house for emergency purposes since 1993. To best of my recollection, they have used it exactly once and that was when I asked them to let in the furnace repairman while we were out of town. They alway knock or ring the bell when they come over.
Also, I have a 20-year-old son. I have never been inside his apt when he has not been there.
I guess what I am saying it that I think the parent's behavior to be objectionable in the extreme and that you should change the locks and find a friendly and trustworthy neighbor to hold the keys.
Good Luck!
2006-12-19 10:08:04 · answer #7 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I sit them down and tell them one last time that you don't like the fact that they are coming into your home and doing this. If they still choose to go through your things when you aren't at home then i would change the locks. When they complain that their key doesn't work them i would tell them exactaly why you did it. If you feel like you got the point across then i would give them a new key. If not, they find a close friend or neighbor that you trust.Good Luck with this one!
2006-12-19 10:02:42 · answer #8 · answered by hockpa04 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to do something. I really don't think there is anyway of avoiding conflict. You do need to set boundaries and they do need to respect them. Parents or not is no excuse to intrude into their adult children's lives. Set them down tell them how you feel explain to them that you appreciate all they do but you do deserve RESPECT which they are not giving you. If worst comes to worst than you may have to change the locks and ask someone else to look after your house when your gone ie friends other family members.
2006-12-19 10:06:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a parent and I would never do that to my children, grown or otherwise. Definetly tell them to stop and get the locks changed. Find someone else to take care of the plants when you're gone....and those boundaries apply for anyone entering your home. That's your space not there's and they should have respect for your stuff and "hands off"...period...tell them and if they don't then please change the locks...
2006-12-19 10:00:42 · answer #10 · answered by Betty Boop 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋