a few stories for you?

Question

3 stories for you


1. A young man called Peter wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new
girlfriend.
As they hadn't been seeing other for very long, he decided after careful
consideration, that a pair of gloves would strike the right note, not
too romantic and not too personal.
He went with his girlfriend's sister to Harrods and bought a dainty pair
of white fur lined gloves, the sister bought a pair of knickers for
herself at the same time.
During the wrapping, the shop assistant mixed up the two items: the
sister got the gloves and Peter got the knickers.
Without checking, Peter sealed the package and sent it to his new
girlfriend with the following letter:

Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed that you have not been wearing any
when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for your sister I
would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones
that are easier to remove.
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed
me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were
hardly soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even
though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that her pair
rubs her ring, which helps keep it clean and
shiny; in fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt
many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you
again. When you take them off, remember to blow into them a little bit
because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

Peter.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of
fur showing.



2. Paramedics got a call to assist with a woman in childbirth, only one
paramedic responded to the call.

Due to a power supply failure, the house was very, very dark,
so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl,
to hold a flashlight high over her Mummy so he could see while
he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him his by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom, Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed
3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded,
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in first place.........
smack him again." !!!!!




3. When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to
feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out Heaven
knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and
the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the
elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his
frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into
hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.


He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten all the
bristles of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door, and there was a little Angel with a great big
Christmas tree.


The Angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?"


And so began the tradition of the little Angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

Answer 1

MOST EXCELLENT!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR A GOOD LAUGH!!!

Answer 2

America used to be into white picket fences; they didn't want to hear about corrupt politicians; etc. Then government lied after world war 2; sent our youth into vietnam to fight a war on the otherside of the world, again. From that point on news became more insightful; enlightening; but it didn't really. Journalist respected those that covered stories in war zones; those that uncovered dirty politicians -- those stories got prizes and recognition. After that, if it wasn't bad, it wasn't true or, at least, not important: now they say, Not newsworthy. And I don't mean media. Americans have become jaded; we expect things to be bad, we know our politicians are corrupt; etc. I am generalizing, of course, but maybe we have learned not to trust good news. Why, for instance, does CNN call its main show the "Situation Room", like its some military command center? Okay, kind of a cool thing to call it while covering a war; but are we at war with society, nature, and everything else the news covers? Headlines sell newspapers, etc. CNN does it because they apparently get a better response to it. The point is that it is not so much a media bias as a reflection of our culture. But its nice to know that an increasing number of people share your view. Hopefully this is an indication that our culture is shifting. Personally, I hope its not to the "blinder" mentality of the past.

Answer 3

I heard the first one before but the other two are real funny

Answer 4

gud ones....

i had read the first one....

but the other 2 were hilarious

Answer 5

the gloves one is great!!

happy christmas

Answer 6

very good!!! i heard the first one before but the rest were PERFECT!!!

Answer 7

haha, i love the first one!!! lmao

Answer 8

I hate it

Answer 9

good