(I.e. What did the cow do for fun? She went to the mooooooo-vies.)
2006-12-19 09:20:31 · 13 answers · asked by maddove117 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I'm looking for some to share with my 4 year old.
2006-12-19 09:24:32 · update #1
What has a head and a foot but no arms?
A bed! (submitted by Sierra Mae)
The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his shoes. How many "Ts" in that?
There are 2 "Ts" in "THAT! (submitted by Alan)
What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
Coo-kies! (submitted by nerd)
Why do Teddy Bear biscuits wear long trousers?
Because they've got crummy legs! (submitted by Emily is da bomb diggitty)
Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
Because they take too long changing! (submitted by pokemon_master_99)
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway! (submitted by Lauren 12)
What has 5 eyes, is blind, goes for miles, yet bumps into nothing?
The Mississippi River! (submitted by Ally Cat)
Whats the hardest part about sky diving?
The Ground! (submitted by Lauren D)
What gets wet the more you dry?
A towel! (submitted by Danny Alley)
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine! (submitted by Tru Playa)
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty! (submitted by Heavens Angel_03)
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves! (submitted by Leigh Teetzel)
Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
They only work on wick-ends! (submitted by Kayla)
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a TV? (submitted by Janet S.)
What breaks when you say it?
Silence! (submitted by Dawn)
If Phil & Lil were a fruit, what kind would they be?
A pear (pair)! (submitted by Britt & Emily)
Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the "sand which is" there! (submitted by Jessica Koehlitz)
What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole! (submitted by matt)
If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees! (submitted by Taylor A.)
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road! (submitted by Moke)
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change! (submitted by Bria from Michigan)
What bow can't be tied?
A rainbow! (submitted by LilG)
What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty! (submitted by Alexis Moore)
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming! (submitted by Kate Brown)
What did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte! (submitted by Adrienne)
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked! (submitted by Callie)
What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck into the ocean?
Saltwater Daffy! (submitted by bawjaw)
Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date! (submitted by Eric Sanger)
What goes all around a pasture but never moves?
A fence! (submitted by Scuba)
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs! (submitted by Annie Sligh)
How do you say chocolate in French?
Chocolate in French! (submitted by Sydney Robbins)
Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Because he tasted funny! (submitted by Annie Sligh)
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff! (submitted by WJ)
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysarus! (submitted by Deano)
What did the robot say when his battery went dead?
AC Come, AC Go! (submitted by gloriafan)
What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey! (submitted by gloriafan)
What's the last thing you take off before going to sleep?
Your feet off the floor! (submitted by Ariella)
What rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore! (submitted by Megan)
What should you do when you're dying?
Go into the living room & eat life savers! (submitted by Bob)
What has four legs but doesn't move?
A table! (submitted by Brittany)
What is H204?
Drinking! (submitted by Karen)
Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger! (submitted by Mari)
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck! (submitted by M.F.)
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money! (submitted by Jordan Fries)
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightgown! (submitted by anonymous)
What did one candle say to the other candle?
Lets go out tonight! (submitted by Kate)
What do you call a city with 2,000 eggs?
New Yolk City! (submitted by Felicia)
What is the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course! (submitted by Bo Cheever)
Why did the man throw his pants out the window?
He heard the newspaper boy yell "Free Press"! (submitted by Bear)
What has teeth but cannot eat?
A comb! (submitted by missmollylou)
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something! (submitted by Greg)
What goes up the chimney down, but not down the chimney up?
An umbrella! (submitted by Kendra Taylor)
What do you call a funny guy whose face changes colors?
A chameleon! (submitted by Sarah McAlevey)
What song does a van radio play?
A cartoon (car tune)! (submitted by Gwynneth & Jaimie)
Why is Santa Claus like a busy gardener?
Because all he does is HO HO HO! (submitted by Bug)
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits! (submitted by Melissa)
Why did the lawyer go to court in her underwear?
Because she lost her suit! (submitted by Christian)
What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?
My pop's bigger than your pop! (submitted by Carly)
How can you tell a train went by?
It left its tracks behind! (submitted by Carrie Sears)
Why didn't God make 2 Yogi Bears?
He made a boo-boo! (submitted by Julianne M.)
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh! (submitted by Markie Sharp)
What is big, red, and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater! (submitted by Bob)
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims! (submitted by Zira)
Why is Bart Simpson's Dad afraid of Mark Magwire?
Because he hits a lot of Homers! (submitted by Huh? What?)
Does your shirt have holes in it?
No, then how did you put it on? (submitted by Abby)
2006-12-19 09:33:24 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Flip: If you were in a jungle by yourself and an elephant charged you, what would u do?
Flop: Pay him.
Nip: The garbage man is here.
Tuck: Tell him we don’t want any.
Smart Talk: Hot weather never bothers me. I just throw the thermometer out the window and watch the temperature drop.
Patient: What does the X-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Nothing.
Doctor: Did u take the patient’s temperature?
Nurse: No, is it missing?
Dit: My grandfather waz a Pole.
Dot: North or South?
Sam had just completed his first day at skool. “What did you learn today?” asked his mother. “Not enough,” said Sam. “I have to go baq tomorrow.”
Billy: I got a hundred in skool today.
Mother: That’s wonderful, Billy. What did you get a hundred in?
Billy: Two things. I got fifty in spelling and fifty in math.
Allen: Dad, I can tell you how to save money.
Father: Really, how?
Allen: Remember you promised me five dollars if I got passing
grades?
Father: Yes.
Allen: Well, you don’t have to pay me.
Mother: Did you got to the party?
Daughter: No. The invitation said from three to six, and I’m seven.
Stupid Stew: What time is it?
Stew: Three o’ clock.
Stupid Stew: Oh, no, not again!
Stew: What’s the matter?
Stupid Stew: I’ve been asking people for the time all day, and everyone I ask tells me something different.
A small girl explained to her dad why her report card was so bad:
“Naturally I may seem stupid to my teacher, but that’s only because she’s a college graduate.”
Mother: Did you thank Mrs. Smith for the lovely party she gave?
Lil’ Jon: No, mom. The gurl leaving before me thanked her, and Mrs. Smith said, “don’t mention it,” so I didn’t.
.
“Can you read and write?” the women asked Tommy.
“I can write, but I can’t read.’’ Replied Tommy.
“Well then, let me see how you write your name.”
Tommy wrote something on piece of paper and handed it to the woman.
“What is this?” she asked as she tried to make out the scribbling.
“I don’t know,” Tommy answered. “I told you I couldn’t read”
A man was putting up a knotty pine wall in the living room. His young son was curious, “What are those holes for?” he asked.
“They’re knotholes,” replied his father.
“If they’re not holes,” the boy asked puzzled,”then what are they?”
A small boy stood in front of the shoemaker’s shop watching the man at work.
“What do you fix shoes with, mister?” he asked.
“Hide,” replied the shoemaker.
“What?” asked the boy.
“I said hide,” replied the shoemaker impatiently.
“What for?’’ the boy asked.
“Hide, the cow’s outside,” the man said.
“I don’t care if it is. I’m not afraid of a cow,” the young boy replied.
Junior: Can you write in the dark, Dad?
Dad: I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Junior: Your name on this report card.
2006-12-19 10:06:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a riddle, but this was all I could think of!
There was once a tall cylinder castle. Somebody stole the King's wallet who worked in the castle. So, he went to check who did it.
First, he went to the axeman. He said, "Nope it was not me. I was just chop...chop...chopping the wood!"
Then, he went to the maid and she said, "Not me. I was just sweep...sweep...sweeping the corners!".
Lastly, he went to the butler. He said, "I was just help...help...helping the visitors!".
Who stole the wallet?
The answer is the maid, since there are no corners in a cylinder.
2006-12-19 11:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why couldn't the pirate watch the movie...?
...
...
...
...
...
Because he was a freakin' pirate and wasn't close to any theater at that time.
...and just for the heck of it, an adult oriented joke.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel?"... to which he replies, "Arr! It's drivin' me nuts!"
Why did Santa have three gardens?
So he could "hoe hoe hoe"!
What did Delaware?
A New Jersey! (get it? clothes?)
2006-12-19 09:24:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
hahahahahaha. That is sooo wrong but funny. I never expected that ending at all. I thought it would be something else.
2016-05-22 22:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get ur milk and mooooove along said the cow...
2006-12-19 09:26:08 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q: Wanna Hear a Dirty Joke??
A: A pig rolled in the mud!!!
Q: Wanna Hear a clean joke??
A: He took a bath!!
2006-12-19 09:25:02 · answer #7 · answered by mizbehavingirl 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!
Oh hardy har har
2006-12-19 09:25:48 · answer #8 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I told grandma i grow a foot,she said better get another a shoe
2006-12-19 09:25:20 · answer #9 · answered by Mark 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why was the chicken on the run ? to get on the other side of the road
2006-12-19 09:29:46 · answer #10 · answered by casper 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
that was gay sorry to offned you but its like something a 12 yr old says or r u 12?
2006-12-19 09:23:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋