Should I become a milispouse?

Question

My husband is struggeling to find himself a career, a job that he enjoys and can make a decent income at. He was in the Army for six years and served in Bosnia. Lately he's been considering enlisting in the Navy. We're newly weds, just married in August and are still setteling into marreid life. I suffer from mild depression and sever anxiety (fears of being abandoned). I'm undergoing threapy for thest things. My concern is how this decision would affect us and also my mental state. I don't honestly know exactly what life is like as a military wife. Some input and feedback from you milispouses out there would be wonderful. Thanks, and Happy Holidays!!!

Answer 1

If your severe anxiety stems from the fear of being abandoned, the two of you might want to rethink the military option.

a) There are many duty stations that do not allow spouses and children at lower enlisted ranks. And even if he had rank before, remember that he would more than likely lose a few ranks since he left the military and now wants to re-join - especially since he is switching branches.

b) Even if he didn't end up getting one of these duty stations, there is always the much dreaded "temporary additional duties" which will often take enlisted people away from home anywhere from one day to a few months.

c) What is the main purpose of the military? War. We're currently engaged in it. It's one thing to have your spouse pulled away from you during peace time, but during war time, there is always the fear that the abandonment might be permanent.

I am not saying that enlisting in the military is bad in general. I'm just saying that it might be a questionable choice for a couple where one spouse has the fear of abandonment.

Answer 2

This sounds like a horrible situation for you, but if your husband does rejoin the army, you will find a way to cope. There are support agencies to help you. My husband is in the Australian Army and has been away many times over the last few years. I almost feel like I live alone. I have also struggled with depression and I found that the other army wives helped a lot with advice and friendship. I dont know what the navy is like, but I am sure there are many other wives in your situation you can help you. Try finding them in your local area if he does decide to reenlist and know that he is not abandoning you, but is just doing his job and that he will be back. Good Luck to you

Answer 3

Well military is all i have ever known!!!

i was an army brat and now i am also one of those wives of an active duty Marine and currently he is DEPLOYED... we are newly weds too

we got married exactly 10 days b4 he left and he's been gone about 5 months

i'll tell you right now it is hard!!! you have to be strong just as he is being strong without you

dont get me wrong I LOVE THE MILITARY LIFE...im actually going in myself a few months after he gets back....

if your not strong enough to be alone most of the time or even strong enough to be faithful(and believe me through this deployment i've seen many spouses like that) ten this life isnt for you

i found this deployment to be easier to go through by making friends(cuz i had no family here in camp pendleton, CA and we jus moved when we got married) whom husbands are either deployed also or even in the same unit...

thanx to my friends it has gone by fast

now ur gonna ask how do i meet those people right??? they are called family readiness groups each branch of the military has them and they are military families going through the same thing you are and you guys are able to understand eachother better and MAKE FRIENDS

jus be sure to keep ur gaurd up too u cant be too friendly if u guys do do this...u'll learn that military wives talk...a lot of gossip :D

hope i helped you GOOD LUCK

military life isnt as bad as they say :D

Stephanie

p.s. you get great benefits!!!!

Answer 4

Your husband's deployments might hit hard at your fear of abandonment, because he will be gone for up to 6 months at a time if he is stationed to a ship. However there are organizations such as the Navy Wives Club that can be a great support group and social network of other wives on base and around the globe going through the exact same thing as you. Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 5

i am an active duty wife and let me tell you, it isn't easy ... but it can be done!! being a military wife means being supportive even when you don't want to be; it means being able to let go even if you don't want to; but it also means that you get a behind the scenes look at who is protecting our country and getting to be a part of something that most others cannot begin to understand. it means that you are a strong woman who loves her husband and you will make sacrifices for the military as much as he will. you will be confuse at all the military mumbo jumbo, but you will be so independent. you will have the closest network of friends while at the same time feeling so alone while away from family. no one else will understand what it feels like when your husband is gone, except those in your shoes, but no one will be more proud of you than the rest of the world.

i will be honest, i have a lot of anxiety now that i didn't have before, it is hard (but i also have kids). but you are stronger than what you think. that is what i have found out for myself.

if you have any more questions feel free to email at [e-mail]

Answer 6

I am the wife of an active duty Marine. Right now, members of all military branches are deploying pretty regularly. Even when they are not deployed, they usually work long days and go through alot of training, leaving you alone much of the time. If you have these issues, right now might not be the best time for him to join. But, if he does decide to join, there are many programs and groups that you could be involved with that can help. The military has great insurance, so you would be able to continue getting help with your problems and hopefully work through some or all of them. I did have a friend that who's issues got worse with her husbands service. She ended up moving to be closer to her family and he got out early so he could take care of her.

Answer 7

I wont lie to you, for your issues it may be harder to cope with than a spouse who doesnt have those issues.. Be prepared for you life to change 100%, he will belong to the military and unfortunately that comes 1st alot of times, not in his heart, but in his mind and focus. I have been a military spouse for 18 years and it has been a great experience. We have traveled all over the world, met lots of neat people, learned how to appreciate each other and the time we have together. Good Luck to you..

Answer 8

if you are afraid to be alone. you dont need to be a military spouse. as a navy wife i can tell you straight out you have more nights alone than together. my husband is currently deployed until may. before that his ship was in and out every two weeks for 18 months. they work very long hours and have duty days. where they work 36 hours before coming home. military spouse life is lonely as you are alone more than you arent