My "girlfriend" is REALLY BADLY mentally unstable - she's endured rape, assault, being disowned, divorced parents, abuse, theft, and numerous hospital-scale beatings. We've been together for 9 months, but now the stress of feeling more like a full-time carer and physchologist than a boyfriend is kicking in. Is it too terrible a thing to leave her, because I'm so so so so so so so scared of what might happen if I leave her.
She's been planning to move in with me, with her social workers, and I'm the only person she can ever talk to. I know she loves me, but for me, that spark we had at the beginning has just disappeared.
Should I leave this "relationship," or is there ANYTHING I can do to resurrect this?
2006-12-19 08:13:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, you do have a difficult situation, but i think it is a bad idea to stay with her for many reasons:
1. If you stay with her and pretend to love her, then you are living a lie, and hurting yourself, but this could also hurt her later, because you may be prone to cheat because you have no true feelings holding you back from cheating, and then think of what will happen if she finds you were cheating, that would hurt her even more than breaking up with her.
2. If you stay with her, you are taking the chance of becoming more and more like her, there are many examples of this is everdya life, if you spend time with your friends a lot then you begin to act like them, another example, look at all the corupt cops, how do you think they became soo corupt?? ---> because they are aroudn corupt people all the time.
I'm not garunteeing a solution, but an idea might be, try to remember things that you two did together that kept you so close, and try to be romantic adn take her to do romantic things, and help her take her mind off of all that is bothering her adn help her realize what is good in life, but that is if you plan to make a commitment for a bit and try to rekindle your love and romance... i hope this works
2006-12-19 08:30:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't happy, you need to leave. Maybe you need to be more sensitive about breaking up with her. If you don't leave, you eventually will end up hurting her. You may start to feel resentful or angry towards her and it will boil over into a big fight. On the other hand, if you do want to stay maybe you could say hey let's not move in together just yet, or ask if she can talk to her social worker or therapist more about her issues because it is hard for you to hear all the time.
2006-12-19 08:20:04 · answer #2 · answered by R_H_P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave the relationship before you get to deep and can't. I mean you can still be a friend to her just not her boyfriend. If you take on too much of someone else's baggage you won't be able to function well as a person. If she moves in with you, you are stuck there is no turning back. All of her problems become your problems because she is in you house. When you make you decision make it wisely, think about the now and the future, and don't use pity as a deciding factor.
2006-12-19 08:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by jonesty1284 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her how you felt? Tell her your tired of the drama. That you care about her but you can't keep going on as if you owe her something. If you want to leave her let her know you will always be there to talk if she needs to talk but if you love her, I think you can work things out by taking it one day at a time. Let her know how you truely feel and that the drama is driving you away. It seems like you really care about her and I hope you can work it out, but you can't stay in a relationship where you are the only one giving.
2006-12-19 08:18:10 · answer #4 · answered by live, love, laugh often! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel you probably did the correct factor seeing that you do not want a man that's violent closer to you and your youngsters. additionally, i could now not consider responsible in any respect approximately getting him arrested. additionally, i consider dangerous that your youngsters had there Christmas ruined. however a minimum of you're reliable and so are your youngsters. i could press bills towards him you'll be able to do such a lot larger than that!! i could break out from him and that i are aware of it is tough however don't take him again he's going to do exactly it once more. it isn't your fault. he hit you whilst you had been per week clear of having a child that's now not a person in any respect. you must be handled larger and so must your youngsters!! please keep reliable. well success!! additionally, if you do not press bills, like i stated he would come to be killing you and your youngsters. i am hoping you do the correct factor!! you will have a larger existence.
2016-09-03 14:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would talk this over with her, and then because it's obvious you still care, I'd see whether it's possible to stay friends. Perhaps she would be happy with that. However, I would personally hate it if my boyfriend is only with me because he feels sorry for me. I mean, if she found out the only reason your still with her is because you feel sorry for her, don't you think that would hurt her even more? :-S
It's much better for both of you to come clean now, than do something that could result in greater pain for both of you...
But ofcourse, it's your decision. And think of what would actually make her happy? To know the truth, and feel the pain now, or to like in this fake fantasy, and have it shattered after she finds out the truth, and hurt even more...
I hope you make the right decision :-)
2006-12-19 08:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Apple 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, leave. If you are not happy than leave. YOu are not her keeper and you should not sacrifice her happiness for yours. It is hard b/c you do feel their dependency and I'm sure you care about her..and there are probably still some feelings of care and concern and it's hard to think that you could be the addition to it all..but you can't do this to yourself. If you feel that the spark can not be got back..than it's time to get to stepping..
Also, she need to learn to cope with her life by herself and not be dependent on a significant other.. (b/c this will only lead to a crapload more problems..)
2006-12-19 08:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to stay in this relationship, you both need to get some counseling. She needs to be in counseling with some type of safe house program. IF there are any in the area, please get the hotline number and ask her to call them. You need counseling because you are overwhelmed with her issues and should not be. You have taken on more that the average boyfriend is willing to do, so please be proud of yourself.
The best thing that you can do for your girlfriend is to get her some help. There are some wonderful counselors who are experts in dealing with the issues you have mentioned about your girlfriend.
2006-12-19 08:35:54 · answer #8 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes her happiness more valuable than yours? No one should ever try to live their life for someone else...you aren't responsible for her happiness and although a breakup will hurt, it's not right for you to stay and be unhappy just to keep from upsetting her...
Live your life for you...her situation is unfortunate but it's not your fault...make sure her social workers or doctors or whomever sees after her emotional well being knows what is going to happen though, so they can be there to support her...
Do what's best for you...
2006-12-19 08:18:21 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't do you or her any good by staying in this "relationship" you can not control what other people do only yourself, if you are afraid she might herself if you do leave try talking to her social worker. You need to do what is best for you.
Good Luck
2006-12-19 08:19:13 · answer #10 · answered by mango20_ca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋