Does the step parent have the right to dictate communication?

Question

I pay support and do not get to talk with my kids hardly ever. They have only had custody for 3 years, I constantly get e-mails of what a horrible mother I am and that my kids do not want to be with me or talk to me, the kids say they love me and wonder why I do not call more often, I call every day and I am lucky if I get to talk to them once a week. Their step mother is a very nasty person and is always finding a way to hurt my feelings, what should I do? If i cause too much rucus then she will cut me off completely, the father will not speak to me and I do not have the money to fight for custody, I have tried legal aid everything please some one give me something that I can do, my heart is broken because she does not even know me and my kids are caught in the middle they are 13 and 14 and where they live they are not old enough to say where they want to live.

Answer 1

I'm sorry about everything that is going on. I am now 24, and just a few months ago I began a relationship with my dad. My mom did the same thing to him, she woudln't let him see/talk to me. As a result, I always thought my dad didn't care about me. Today, I blame him for not fighting more to see me and for not having kept a constant relationship with me. My advise, I think your kids are at an age where they can decide who they want to live with, check again with your lawyer. As for your sanity, it's worth losing it if it means keeping in contact with your baby's. No matter what, don't stop calling! Remind them every time how much you love them, and pray, pray, pray! God will help you. Keep in mind that their father and their step-mother are probably filling their heads with all kinds of aweful thoughts about you, don't do the same thing to your kids by speaking pourly about their dad and step-mom. It will only confuse them and make your time together less enjoyable.
Your kids are at an age where every single little thing affects them. They are finding themselves and are trying to figure out who they are and who they can trust. Always make it clear to them that no matter what anyone says, they can trust you, and show them that. When you are with your kids, don't bother to speak about their dad and their step-mom at all. Just spend your time together talking about yourselves and doing the things you like.
My last advise, don't give up on them, no matter what! They need you now more than ever. As for you being a bad mother, honey, you are a good enough mother to be concerned with them and their well being and you have not abandomed them. You are a good mother! It's that step-mother that needs to reconsider her mothering!
I hope this helps you, and please, don't give up on your baby's.

Answer 2

First of all, to the girl that said teenagers get to chose, they don't. A Judge will listen to them and take into account their wishes, but ultimately "the best interest of the child" is the determining factor. If you are obligated to pay child support by Court Order then there is a custody agreement. MOST, not all, agreements require that children be made available by telephone to the non-custodial parent as long as the calls aren't abusive to the other parent. The step-mother or the father cannot change the custody agreement because they want to. You need to get a copy of the agreement from the Court that decided your custody and ask an attorney for your options. Also, the Father and Stepmom aren't allowed to send you harrassing e-mails/phone calls or whatever, so save all the e-mails they will help you. Most attorneys will give you a free consultation. Whenever you see your children re-assure them that you try to call them all the time and that you love them. If the Step is mean to you, she might be telling them things like you don't love your chiildren and confusing them. Since I don't know your situation completely, if the Judge told you that you need to do something (i.e. parenting class) be sure you do it. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Unfortunately,this sort of thing happens alot. If you don't mind answering, why did you lose custody? A mother doesn't lose custody for "no" reason. I am a mom, and a step-mom. My husband and I were awarded custody of his children a year ago because the bio mom was abusing/neglecting them and doing drugs. She had supervised visits and was told if she did anymore drugs,she would not see her children. She did it again,and now is not seeing the kids. I'm not saying you're a bad parent, but is there a reason the stepmom is saying such nasty things and/or a reason the father refuses to talk to you? If there's no valid reason or proof that you would put your children in harms way and/or be a bad influence to them, then I say call Legal Services. They will take your case if you have a good one,and most of them base their fee on your income level.
I hope all works out in the best interest of the children.

Answer 4

I a on the other side of this, i am the mom whose childrens dad seems to think that a phone call once every two weeks and 200 bucks a month makes a great daddy. We disagree and think that the man that has stepped up and given these kids everything he possibly can and then more makes a great daddy. The bio dad gets only supervised vists which he takes advantage of once a month or so, step dad has to deal with the jerk off at times so he does get just as much right in my family to make decisions based on the girls welfare and what their best interests are. Thats just my family though. Your situation is different if you are telling the whole truth. Where do you live that a teen is nt old enough to say where he wants to live? Save up the money and take him to court, get another job if you have to and try to make things right.

Answer 5

at 13 and 14 they aren't allowed to state where they want to live...you must not be from the US, because here a judge will listen to any child, but after the age of 11 they get an opinion that is taken very seriously! Legal aid would be your best bet! Don't you get visitation? Tell them what is going on when you see them. Don't bash on the Step mom or dad as this could come back to bite you in the ***. Also talk with the step mom and set up a scheduled time to talk to them...she may think you are abusing the phone priviledge....

Answer 6

Visit your county court and explain your situation to the clerk of the family law department. Many times they will not give out advice but if you sound desperate enough they may point you to the right form to fill out like "Motion to enforce parenting time." Was parenting times scheduled for the two of you for different days and holidays of the year? If not you may have to fill out a "parenting plan." You could also fill out a "motion to set hearing" so that you can go before a judge to get some time with your kids.
Make a log of EVERYTHING. Save ALL emails and print them out, between you and the father, stepmom, and the children. Have copies of the returned checks that have been cashed by him for child support.
You can also visit a lawyer for a free consultation and even though you can not afford him the consultation might give you some ideas as to what you can do. Cry to the lawyer if you have to maybe he/she will feel bad for and do a payment plan or even pro bono.
Good luck and be strong and study the website to the court with the forms on it really well.

Answer 7

you knowwhats funny my mother was the same way and guess who we live with her my mother constantly said mean things to my dad but he had custody she felt that it wouldn't be good if we lived with my step mom you can fight it just record the women saying nasty things toward you and take it to court say you don't feel that she is a fit person to take care of your children make sure you have a nice and stable home for your kids and yes the court will ask the children who would they rather live with it really is there decision. but if the step mother is as bad as you say she is then the court will grant you part custody an you could have your kids back

Answer 8

YES THEY DO HAVE A RIGHT!!! In most states they only have to be 12 to tell the judge where they want to live. Get a hold of DFS-Department of Family Services, and let them know that even though you are paying child support, you aren't being permitted visitations. Most of the time they will find a way to help you if it's in the best interest of the child.

Answer 9

You should save all e-mails you get from your kids and from the step parent. Record all conversations also with out telling them. Then in like 3 - 6 months take it to a judge and ask for them back. Or just ask for visitation right. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

how about writing your kids a letter explaining everything? don't talk nasty about your stepmother, but tell them that you will always be there for them. also, tell the nasty stepmother that you'd like a set schedule of when you can see them and that you'd like to work on becoming a better parent. maybe she will take that into consideration. just play her little game for now until the kids are old enough to decide. let the kids know whats going on.