HELP me make it through this difficult time!?

Question

My Beloved Granny is dying, she has a matter of days/weeks, probably no more than one week. Since she has been diagnosed with cancer, I cannot sleep well, restless, waking up 3+ times a night, I dream I am jaundiced like she is. I have stayed sick with colds since her diagnosis, my resistance is down. I am constantly worried about her, is she in pain, is she scared? I am exhaused now. She lives 4 hours away from me and I have seen her several times. We are playing a waiting game right now, but I am not handling it well at all. Advice? So I may keep my sanity and physical health. I have a suportive husband and 2 great kids who want to help but all I want to do is sleep, but I have to care for them and work too. Thanks for suggestions.

Thanks for the help, SpermFeathers, what I didn't say on here was that my husbands Grandmother is also dying, so I don't want to burdon him with all my emotions when he has his own. I have NO family where I live and no support system, I posted on here to get advice and you, thank you for being so rude and hurtful when all I needed was a bit of a boost so I can continue to care for my family and myself.

Answer 1

My favorite grandma died at age 96, 3 years ago. I still would love to have one more conversation with her. Unfortunately this is part of life and it never stops. I think most people spend more time worrying about the one dying, than the person who is dying worries. That sounds strange, but on deaths bed most people learn to accept this as a new pathway in life.

Good luck

Answer 2

Three should be more people like you in this world and it would be a better place!
There is something you need to know about humans, we have an inner world and an outer world. What effects you in the outer world should not effect you in your inner world. It is hard not to take everything that is happening to your grandmother literally, but you have to separate death.
Ask yourself because you are experiencing death through your grandmother are you experiencing it 1st hand. Ask yourself are you ready for death? Is this eventual death bringing out feeling that you have about your own death?
You are not dieing so you need to separate your true feelings...
Do not stop talking about this, understand death and all of the good and bad things that come with it....
Do you have a plan for your life. People who lack a plan usually feel depressed, etc...
Read any book by Dr. Michael Samuels...
Just remember that humans are not born with emotions, you had to learn them from the people around you when growing up before you were 7 years old....Look back to then, did you have someone close pass away? It could be bringing up old feelings..
I hope you continue to be strong and talk about this...
It is always sad to loose someone but it is a bigger lose for them! That is the true sad thing....
good luck and god bless

Answer 3

My mother died from cancer six years ago, and while she was in the hospital, all she kept telling me was that she was ready to go. The chemo and treatments were so painful, and all, she just wanted to go and get away from it all. Good or bad, that's probably how your granny feels. Because she may or may not be here much longer, let her know that you love her, and will always love and miss her. But don't get depressed and down, your kids are probably really upset just from seeing you upset. I know it's hard, and you just need a big, stress relieving hug. I'm sorry about your grandmother, and I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for you..
everyone at some point loses a grandmother or a parent, that's just the way life flows. Go see her if you can.. say goodbye. She's probably not scared and I'm sure they're giving her something for the pain, to keep her confortable these last few days...
take your time, everyone deals with this their own way, so do what you need to do and then get back up on your feet, for your family.

Answer 5

I can empathize with you my Uncle died in a wreck in May and my grandfather passed after an illness in October. Some days are better than others. I miss them both dreadfully, but as you I have a family who depends on me. You just have to get out of the house, occupy your time. When you need to cry- cry, it doesn't matter if you are alone or in the middle of the grocery store. But by all means done give up on your life. Get out there and experience it. Your grandmother wouldn't want you to draw into yourself and shut out the world. Just let her know you love her and don't let a day go by that you don't tell all the people you love around you that you love and appreciate their support.

Answer 6

This is so very hard to deal with, because you know the end is near, and is the way it is...I would stay close by for a week, if you can take the time off if you work...go be with her...Call her, and thank her and be strong for her, and never let her think she is dying, but let her think that she is going to get better...she wants to think that you think that also...she doesn't want the pain of seeing all of you so sad...Please pray that she goes peacefully, and be thankful for the times and time you have left with her...God is a great healer, and through Jesus, you will find strength, if you just pray for it...Be strong for the kids, and your husband, and take the time off if you can, even for a few days,...you will feel much better if you can. do this and pray God Bless

Answer 7

There are some great suggestions here..I know you said you are exhausted but the idea of looking into a hospice and trying harder to focus on taking care of yourself...some very good advice. And that means you might need to reach out to someone in your church, say, to ask "can someone look into hospice care solutions for me" and also say to yourself -- I'm going to get like a 30 minute nap in for myself here and there. Spend like $8 to get yourself a tiny little light pillow and peppermint/scented oil, sprinkle pillow with this when you awaken from nap and it is so refreshing, really opens your eyes up....makes me feel more relaxed. If you do get to sit a few minutes (say, reading a book to the kids), get a rubber dishpan, fill with warm water and bubble bath and stick your feet in it...another small way to relax when you can. Prayers for you and your family during this difficult time...

Answer 8

Call your grandmother's physician and get a referral for Hospice services. This organization sends in skilled nursing to manage pain and ensure your grandmother is comfortable. They also provide bereavement services to help family members cope both during and after death. The phone number in my town is 888-439-3784. I'm sure they can locate a hospice for you in the proper area.
I wish you the best throughout this trying time.

Answer 9

I don't know if this is helpful, but above all, be kind to yourself right now. It is normal for you to be feeling this way and evidence of how very much you love your Gran. Do the best you can under the circumstances and allow yourself to go through this. Now is a good time for your hubby to help more with the kids, and if you can, take some time off of work to spend with your Gran. Inside, you don't want her to go through this alone and in a way are going through it with her. That is admirable, and she is blessed to have you. I will keep you all in my prayers.

Answer 10

well i have walked your path dear friend my grandmother raised me and she passed in my arms i prayed every single day for her to live longer then i had to realize simply that i was being greety and she was ready to go i needed to really talk to myself and pray about this...this i believe is when we go thru pure hell here on earth hunny no other words to descibe it...you want to sleep because you are extremely depressed and it feels good to close our eyes and just 4 get things you are being drained of all your energy...chances are your gram is not in any pain so be at ease with that and she would want you to care for your family and yourself above everything else !!!i didnt think i would live thru this time in my life although i amazed myself i gained stregth and made it i even wrote her a poem and read it at her funeral i was shocked be at peace with yourself hunny theres a much better place for her then here if shes ill God bless YOU SANDY i will pray 4 u and gram