Why do I feel so bad (guilty) about this?

Question

My FWB (friends with benefits) relationship ended a couple of weeks ago. At the beginning, I made it clear what I wanted. He agreed and things were going fine until HE decided to end the sexual premise of our relationship. My response was "No sex, no friendship" and I split. He knew the rules. However, despite my expressed desire to end ALL communication, he continued to try to reach out to me. It got to the point where I had to go to campus police to file a harassment complaint against him because he just wouldn't leave me alone.

I have a couple of questions:
(1) Why would he try to contact me several times after I explicity told him it was over?
(2) I have been agonizing over this complaint since I filed it nearly a month ago. Why do I feel so bad (guilty) for filing this complaint? (I recently found out that this complaint becomes a permanent part of his school record.)

Answer 1

1) He probably tries to contact you because either (a) you are really good in bed and he misses being sexual with you, or (b) he always had stronger feelings for you than he let on.

2) You are probably guilty about the complaint because (a) you know it was an overreaction on your part, and/or (b) you miss him either as a person or you miss what he has in his pants.

It is too bad you don't have your e-mail turned on. I would like to follow-up with a question or two.

Answer 2

It sounds as if he felt the sexual part of the relationship implied, to some degree, commitment, which, for whatever reason, he shied away from. As you said, he knew the rules.

If he continued to contact you several times after you made it clear it was over, it shows that he wants his "cake and eat it, too." I think the reason you are feeling so guilty about this is that he has feelings for you, but I am not sure his feelings are healthy. Your heart is telling you one thing; your intellect another. Remember: "guilt" is just a feeling. If your intellect is telling you to stick to your guns on this issue, then don't back up and give in to him. If you do, it will be a constant emotional roller coaster for both of you. On some level, you felt threatened, or you would have never sought the assistance of the campus police. Better to be safe than sorry. Move on, whether he does or not.

Answer 3

Maybe he ended the sexual portion because he really likes you. Maybe he was hoping to start a new type of relationship with you. I dont know, I'm not in his head. As for your filing the complaint, I think that you went too far. Especially if its part of his record for good. Did he harass you that bad or did you do that out of spite for him ending the sex ? You need to ask yourself that. I think usually in a FWB relationship, one likes the other and hopes for more.

Answer 4

Sorry but you should not have filed the complaint. You were initially friends, then w/benefits. He of course would be hurt. And then there is the issue of it being on his permanent record. That will be with him his entire life. Maybe he doesn't just miss the sex, he misses the friendship.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

You feel guilty because what you did was wrong. You tried to blackmail him into a sexual relationship. What part of FRIENDS with benefits did you not understand. so he wanted to stop with the sex, he did want to remain friends with you. Did you stop to think that maybe he wanted to be with someone in a committed relationship? Did you think he was starting to feel more for you than friend ship and knew you did not feel the same so he wanted to end it before it goes too far? He tried to contact you because he did think of you as his friend when you only thought of him as a penis. You took it too far and you should go and recant your complaint.

Answer 7

You are guilty, because you had sex with him, which causes both you and him to 'become one'. When you share body fluids with someone, you become extremely attached to each other, so you need to keep sharing body fluids in order to appease this desire. Get back together with him, and enjoy life. Just don't swallow.

Answer 8

A FWB iplies that there's a friendship in there as well. What he was to you was just a booty call.

Answer 9

even though you wanted him just for sex it seems like he actually wanted to be your friend. that's not a bad thing and that's probably why you feel guilty...cuz he wasn't taking advantage of the situation.

Answer 10

He seems like a jerk and doesn't know how to listen. Don't feel guilty. You have no idea...there may be other stuff on his record that you don't know about.