I have an issue with my boyfriend that he gets sex when he wants it, but when I start trying to have sex with him...he changes what we are doing. He will do anything to stop it.This has been a problem since the begining of our relationship,but I dont know how to handle it.I did of course speak to him about how that made me feel.I told him that I thought our relationship should be equal and that I have sexual needs that he is treating like they dont matter.He usually responds to me,"sex isnt the most important thing in our relationship,right?"Then what do i say?When we do have sex, the sex is great!I hate to say it, but every time he has ever tried,I have never been able to say no.I just love him,and long for that connection we do have during sex.I dont want to be one of those sad girls that will just take what she can get when she can get it,but sadly I really have been.I want to feel like a sexy woman that can turn her man on!This has broken my selfesteem a lot! What should I do?
2006-12-19 06:51:04 · 33 answers · asked by LadyAlysse 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have some specific hints that I can't share here because of the TOS but suffice to say you can do much to make yourself irresistible to any man.
2006-12-19 06:52:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sir J 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Let me start by saying this- There's no need to break up with him at all. People who say you should break up just have never been in the situation.
My boyfriend is the same way when it comes to sex. He says the same thing your man does, he doesn't want sex to be the basis of our relationship. I told him how much I just want to have a sexy persona for him...to know that I can turn him on. His reply was "You do turn me on, that's why I get in the mood when I do, you just being you is the sexiest thing to me." So just be firm on your part and let him know you're just wanting to feel like the sexy, confident, young girl that you are.
If your self esteem is on the line and you are really hurt... cry. Cry in front of him and show him how much he's effected the way you feel about yourself. Guys go on little guilt trips do when their girls cry. Don't be a baby about it, just let him know it hurts to not have control over your own needs. Maybe you just being you is what turns him on.
The other thing to consider about your man...is he older and has had more experience than you? If he's had a past life of sexual endevors with other women, he may just be more sexually mature than you'd like. It's sometimes harder to turn on a more sexually mature male (like my boyfriend.) And he may just want to show you that you mean more than those other relationships.
2006-12-19 07:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by GrayMatters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the woman. You have almost all the power when it comes to sex. The only reason he has power over sex is because you let him. Hold out on him. When he wants to have sex. Say no. ONLY have sex when you want to. If he doesn't want to. Just masturbate. Be the biggest tease you can be. Don't ever give into him and you will have control. Give it a week.
2016-05-22 21:38:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there is a basic incompatibility in your relationship. Some men cannot handle a sexually aggressive woman. It sounds like you want more out of life than what you are getting. That should be a clear message to you that this is not the right guy for you, even though (on his terms only) you enjoy the sex when you have it. You should consider looking for someone who will not inhibit you from being yourself and exploring all the sides to your personality.
2006-12-19 07:01:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you have a control freak on your hands.
I actually find this funny, as it usually the women that play these hard to get games.
You obviously care more about him than he does about you, and until that changes or you look for another guy, he'll call the shots.
I have never played games like that, nor do I go along with a woman trying it with me. That is a good bye situation.
2006-12-19 07:00:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is trying to manipulate you. I think you need to let him know how it makes you feel. Tell him you don't appreciate being manipulated and issue an ultimatum. He can either show you respect and act like an adult or you will find guy who will treat you right. You're a pretty girl and a good person I'm sure and you don't need to put up with an insecure, manipulative jerk--- so don't. There are plenty of guys out there who would respect and cherish you the way you deserve, don't forget that and don't let him forget it.
2006-12-19 06:56:23 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell him either sex is an equal thing or there is no more sex! that should set him str8 and u really gotta learn to say no and mean it. let him still try and make himself all u know and then get up and go do something else and say no im not in the mood. let him know as well of course sex isnt the most importan thing but it should be an equal task between the two of you. and if he cant understand that then you do deserve better!
2006-12-19 06:55:00 · answer #7 · answered by ~*cRaCkNeSs*~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is real easy to say "Dump him or Break up with the jerk" but it sounds to me like you really like this guy. So what you have to do is do something to make him understand that this is important to you. Try real hard to hold out next time he wants it and then tell him "see how it feels" maybe this will open the door for you two to sit and talk.
2006-12-19 07:00:41 · answer #8 · answered by irishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually it's men who have that problem! Masturbate him until he is hard, then withdraw the masturbating hand and he will soon get blue balls and be desperate to insert. Undress very slowly so that by the time you are bare and in position the only thing he can think of is getting into you. After he has gone in, lift him out. Keep doing it until he gets the message.
2006-12-19 07:48:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take control girl! When I want to turn on my man and make him do what I want I break out a toy and start touching my self. It's a sure fire way to turn on any man especially when he hears you enjoying your self he's not gonna let you sit there and let you take care of your self, so then when he gos to make his move push him down and take control, it might turn him on more if your the forceful one and be more willing to let you be forceful or controlling and run with it that way you get yours and he gets his and you get yours. Your Honey sounds like he's a control freak so you should try to take control, whether you refuse him or try to take more control in bed. Good luck
2006-12-19 07:03:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well thats a really hard question i would say that u should talk to him about it tell him that he is not helping with ur self esteem and that u also want to have sex to show that u love him not just for fun and if he dosent understand that might be time to brake up with him, and he might also not be wanting to have sex because he dosent want that to be the base of the relationship and no matter what u have to respect that.. plus u might have to give it a little bit of time because something else might be going on in his personal life
2006-12-19 06:58:25 · answer #11 · answered by tills 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋