how to give your cat and dog a pill (tablet)?

Question

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on eitherside of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from to of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat edged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill downthroat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.





HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

Answer 1

give me an old dog anyday rather than a young cat.........dogs ya can tame.....

Answer 2

Yesterday I had to give the cat a pill. I carefully cut the tablet into 4 little pieces and wrapped each one in a little ball of catfood. Crafty, see? A human could outwit a dumb animal for sure..........
Held the cat, opened her mouth and popped the package to the back of her throat.
Held her mouth shut and stroked her while she swallowed, but when I let her go, she spat out the part-pill, having eaten the meat.
Darling pussycat. This happened three times.

Answer 3

Hey, I have cats, and what you say is pretty much true. While at the vets, the cat took the pill fine.. at home, another story,. spitting it out, having to have help holding the cat., etc.,. But it was worth it, the cat got better and that was my goal..
As for my dog, I had to use some kind of meat to get it to swallow the pill, other wise she would spit it out.
Good stuff... nice to see some decent stuff..

Answer 4

Oh that's hilarious. I have 2 cats and it's so true! It's a pain giving them a pill. If I can, I just crush it and put it in their food. They usually eat it.

Answer 5

I don't care where it's from, it's friggin' brilliant. First time a joke here ever got more than a slight chuckle. My cheekbones even hurt from laughing too hard.

Answer 6

Good Show Ploppy! I have had to dose a cat and it was nearly that bad.
Charles "That Cheeky Lad"

Answer 7

Intersting. Glad I don't have a cat.

Answer 8

Yep, all sounds familiar, little buggers

Answer 9

an old classic but still funny as hell

Answer 10

pi$$ed myself whilst reading this, this is sooo true, lol im still giggling now