Should we wait to have a baby?

Question

My husband and I are in our mid 20s with steady careers and we own a home. We would like to have a child, but we're not sure when it would be a good time. We keep saying that we will have a child after we pay off our debt (credit card and car loan), but everyone says that you'll never really be ready...and that you just need to do it. I don't want to miss out on having a family for the next 3 years while we pay off debt, but I don't want to be irresponsible either. And as a side note, I am VERY afraid of pregnancy and childbirth, so this absolutely terrifies me, but it's very important to both of us to do this.

In response to the question regarding debt: It's just a car loan ($10,000) and credit card ($5000). I don't see this as excessive, expecially since it is combined debt from both of us. My husband's car has been paid off. I have always heard that babies are very expensive, so I was unsure if having any debt at all would cause problems. We are living fairly comfortably and pay off additional principal whnever possible. We did have a plumbing issue recently that was about $1000 to fix, so that is the reason for some of the debt.

Excuse me. The word above should be especially, not expecially. :-)

Answer 1

You are never ready. We waited until I was in my late 20's (I was afraid too), and it was kinda unexpected.

We were told we couldn't, we thought maybe if we had tried earlier, we wouldn't have been told that it wasn't going to happen. We tried awhile, then gave up. When we gave up is when it happened.

We wanted to be financially secure, so we waited until we were extremely secure, and even that didn't matter, because there is always something. Your something was a plumbing incident, mine was being put on bed rest and out of work for 6 months, without pay, and having to see several specialists inorder to remain pregnant.(which goes to show you, no matter how much you income and security you have things happen)

There will always be something, and 15K is nothing to really worry about, that kinda debt will always be there, when you need a new car, or need to buy baby furniture....

I applaud your being realistic and thinking this through, too many young people rush into kids, even before they are married, and it doesn't always turn out the way they thought.

Take your time, I did, and am glad I did even though it was difficult. I was scared too, and that is when I discovered that a C-section was the best invention ever!

Your a step ahead of most kids your age; I say "kids" cause I'm old (30) now.

Hang in there and good luck to you both.

Answer 2

You will know when you're ready to start a family. Honestly though, do you ever expect to be debt free in this society? Nearly everything that is needed to have feeling of security these days comes with a price (home, car, furniture,clothing,etc.) Unless, your making big bucks with your career, which it seems if your debt won't be pd off for another 3 years your not exactly racking in the money, children come with expenses. Hospital expenses for the birth all the way through until they get married and you have to pay for the catering......Either way you look at it, life is hard to live without some kind of debt under your belt.

I look at it this way. My family has a rather small income. I stay at home with the kids (3 daughters) while my husband-to-be goes out and busts his butt to pay the bills and we like it that way. I don't stay home because i'm too lazy to go out and get a job. I had a rather good paying job but my kids and my husband-to-be were miserable because we never had any family time. I would come home just as he was leaving for work. I decided it would benifit my family (maybe not financially, but emotionally) to stay home and take care of the house and spend time with my kids and fiance. My fiance has not been happier. Yeah, I got a man that actually loves to be the bread winner. We don't have half the income, but we have more respect and affection towards each other. We also have debt, but have never been happier. Lots of luck to you and Happy Holidays.

Answer 3

Do what is comfortable. As you said there is no right time needless to say. You both sound like you have good heads on your shoulders. Ask your doctor if there are any consequences of waiting and also keep in mind that sometimes things happen when you don't expect it. Weigh in where you stand now, but also consider if you keep saying we don't have enough, you may never be ready :). If it is only pregnancy and childbirth that are keeping you from having a child, realize that the pain is there but the effort is more than you will ever know. Both of you need to talk it out. Whatever you decide, I hope you stay happy and are happy in whatever descision you make.

Answer 4

Debt is something that can never be payed off in full... there is always something..

The right time to have a baby is when the emotions are steady, and the relationship with your husband is solid...

This is something that only your and your husband can decide...

My advice is to take stock of both of your live's. Will your career handle you having a child. Will his career keep him away for long periods of time. Do the both of you have the love and patience to bring up a child..

Are you ready to spend endless nights up.

Finance should never be a key reason for the decision, Yes a baby can cost alot, but you can always make a plan.. Love and caring, is either there or not, you can't make a plan for it...

Answer 5

I'm in the exact same situation except I'm planning on getting married this year. I'm 23 and he's 25, we have steady jobs and own a home also. We have large car payments and credit card debt, but we've decided to start trying this coming year also and we'll figure it out along the way. I also don't want to miss out on having a family for the next few years while things get paid off, so we're just going to go for it once we get married (or a couple of months sooner)!

Answer 6

If you wait until you can aford a baby you will never have one. I was thirty when my son was born and if I could go back and have him sooner even if it meant struggling a little more or not getting a bill payed of as soon. Set down and draw up a realistic buget for you and your hubby and new baby and see if you can have the money. We live in Georgia and our expences at first went up but only a couple hundred or so dollars a month but it gets better pretty soon as they get off formulas and baby food and diapers. If you can swing it I saqy dont wait. If you cant with out putting a huge finacial strain then don't. Money problems and sex problems are the leading marriage killers. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm proper there with you at 39 weeks, I am counting days now, staying up till nighttime so I can formally say "___ days now". I do the whole thing whilst I'm looking ahead to anything to occur, consuming raspberry tea, having intercourse, jogging. Since I'm so bored I consume, or I blank- and believe me, for me to scrub willingly, I have got to be wasting my brain. I've already had three fake alarms so I'm getting rather worn out with this complete being pregnant bit, however it is eventually gotten by way of my head that he's no longer going to come back till he's in a position.

Answer 8

You will know when you are ready - make sure you have a strong relationship with your partner. That has a lot to do with the success of a happy family. As far as being afraid of pregnancy & childbirth - that is normal, its nothing you have experienced before; its fear of the unknown. Pregnancy and childbirth are both beautiful experiences. Take good care of yourself both before and during your pregnancy, enjoy and dont worry. Childbirth is safe and with modern medicine, it isn't even painful.

Answer 9

Sounds like you two would be great parents. Don't be afraid of pregnancy or childbirth. I have done it 5 times and survived! I say start trying there is no guarantee you will get pregnant right away. If it happens it happens!!!

Answer 10

first your the women so ultimately its your decision , i would suggest if you want a baby that bad then you need a strict budget because if not then when the baby comes you will be 10 times worse off in debt then you are now