All probs started when my husband had to leave immedietly abroad for office work due to lack of leaves and i was alone in his house with fil.We never got along well,there was some tension,which i cud sense and being a new bride,i was trying to impress and all.The thing is now one year of marriage is over and iam staying with husband.Fil is staying alone at my husbands hometown, as my bil is also working someother place.My husband is always concerned that his dad is alone now, i understand this, the thing is my fil always tries to always irritate me by actions or words purposefully coz he knows i am not smart enuff to stand up for myself and my husband always feels the most uncomfortable and not willing to stand up for me, i have to argue,fight with him,until he agrees to say a few golden words for me to his father.i slowly started speaking my mind out to fil,not in a rude way,but firm.but after that in private, my hubby make me feel guilty abt what i spoke.i feelguilty though idid rite
2006-12-19 06:30:01 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
As it is i know me very well, i work very hard to stand up for myself as I have never been in situations like this where iam being targeted for no reason. And I am considered soft spoken, ...so when i muster up courage and speak for myself to an elderly person( which i have not done before), and then later my husband (whose opinions i value a lot) makes me feel utmost self consious and guilty, i am now ending up feeling so bad .....My hubby keeps telling, if you wud have continued to stand up for yourself without his thoughful intervention to stop the conversation b/w me and fil, there wud have been a world war thru phone...iam just frustrated...its just been an year of marriage...we dont even have kids, i can only imagine how worse the conditions will be when we,kids and fil all stay under one roof..
2006-12-19 07:33:06 · update #1
Your husband should be proud of you. If he cant stick up for you and you cant stick up for yourself who will? Sounds like a weak man to me. Keep working on your back bone and stand up for yourself with the father in law and your husband.
2006-12-19 06:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Inlaw problems, I've never had these with my husbands parents but there are somethings that just have to be tolerated at times...you've done well to keep the peace but at what price? The fil seems to have little to no respect for you or...he's trying to get you to react at which time he'll either see you as gutsy and finally have respect for you or he'll see you as intolerable and you'll end up in the dog house anyway...a no win situation.
Personally, I'd probably only accept it for so long ... your husband is your husband and he shouldn't have a problem with telling his father that he doesn't feel it is right for him to treat you with little respect. After all, you were kind enough to be left behind as a newly wed to "babysit dad" so that has to count for something.
Now that you are with your husband don't feel badly that your fil is alone...unless he's extremely elderly and shouldn't be on his own anyway...there's little you should take responsibility for other than trying to be decent to him in conversations. If your husband expects anything further...I'd invite HIM to live with his father. The weight of caring for the dad shouldn't fall onto your shoulders, give that to one of the other inlaws for a change.
You did what you had to while you had to...hubby should be thankful and so should fil. If neither are...shock it up to being too kind and choose to not fall into that trap again. You can only do so much for someone who doesn't have any appreciation.
Be a good wife and trust that your husband will eventually side with you for a change...as for dear old fil...visit him only when you are with your husband and if he starts to speak rudely or disrespectfully excuse yourself and leave the house. You can bet if your mother or father treated your husband that way, he'd have you to back him up.
Good luck
2006-12-19 06:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohhhh that sucks sounds like my ex's dad PHEWWW so glad i'm outta that mess, your husband needs to claim his balls and stand up for you what's he thinking? You want me to put FIL in place? I have no problem speaking my mind to ANYONE even my FIL, but i have a great Future FIL and MIL so i can keep quiet tell your husband the next time hhe makes you feel bad for saying what you say tell him.....then next time you say something so I don't get outta line.....good luck sweetie
2006-12-19 06:35:40 · answer #3 · answered by graciegirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I really don't get is that you are married and there are all these people in your marriage. Your "husband knows you aren't smart enough" - that is something you accept? You are smart enough to know there is a problem. The problem is that all these people are running your marriage with both you and your husband allowing them to do so.....
2006-12-19 06:35:15 · answer #4 · answered by Quest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can my current husband obtain the same rights as the biological father?
2017-03-28 09:03:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-12 21:35:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋