My boyfriend of 4 months said that he refuses to celebrate pegan holidays so he's not spending all his money on people (including me) on christmas gifts and then he'll have to go into the new years broke!
Then he went on to say that he will not be celebrating Valentines day either, just to give me a heads up so I'm not dissapointed when Febuary rolls around.
I was very angry and i want to talk to him about it but I don't even know what to say to him!!!!
2006-12-19 06:11:49 · 22 answers · asked by jasmin f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
no it's not wrong for you to be mad. I would be extremely upset as well. Talk to him and let him not exactly how you feel bc you don't want to keep this bottled up inside you.
2006-12-19 06:16:04 · answer #1 · answered by beauty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has the right to make their own decisions about whether or not they will celebrate holidays and buy gifts. There is no reason that he should be expected to buy you a gift if he doesn't want to. If that's not okay with you then maybe you should find someone new who thinks the same way you do about holidays. I understand how you feel. My boyfriend went through a spell where he was struggling financially and just couldn't buy gifts and felt so bad about that that he just stopped celebrating Christmas all together. That was hard on me because I wanted to buy him a gift and when I did, he wouldn't accept it....wouldn't even look at it. And of course he didn't get me anything either....this went on for two years. Both years I bought him something just in case, but ended up keeping them both times. The second year he never even knew I had bought anything...he told me in advance that he wasn't doing gifts again and so I never tried to make him take my gift. I simply accepted that he didn't want to take part in that holiday and let him be. It was hard, but if you care about someone you just have to let them be who they are. You can't try to force your feelings onto them or make them suffer because YOU are not getting a GIFT....is that the most important thing? If so, then you should probably just walk away.
If you want to talk to him just tell him that you are disappointed that he doesn't want to celebrate Christmas with you since that's something you like to do and ask if there's a way to compromise so that you can both be happy around holidays. After all, just as I said that you should value his feelings he should, in turn, value yours as well. Maybe you can work it out somehow.
2006-12-19 06:34:34 · answer #2 · answered by Tallulah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he buy you random gifts at other times throughout the year? Just curious.
I wouldn't say it would be "wrong" but it is something the 2 of you need to work out. It's very important in a relationship to be curtious of your bf/gf's beliefs and wishes, and if it's something that is really bothering you, then you two need to have a serious talk. Maybe you can compromise by celebrating monthly anniversaries and such.
It really sounds like his reasoning is because of his religous/non religious beliefs, so from his side I don't think it's a " I don't wanna buy you anything" but rather "I don't want to celebrate this holiday". Kinda a touchy situation, but I'm sure if there is love involved something can be worked out.
2006-12-19 06:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by dcVixen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to celebrate holidays by buying gifts, then he has that option. If it truly upsets you, then tell him why it upsets you. Maybe he could make you dinner instead, or take you for a moonlit stroll. Gifts are no measure of happiness. Why do you need gifts from him? Is this the only way he can show you he cares?
2006-12-19 06:14:50 · answer #4 · answered by dabblin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to have differing opinions in a relationship, but if they differ too much it can cause unhappiness and resentment.
My advice? Let go of this guy now, before it is too late! Just think - is this the kind of guy you can see yourself with in 10 years? And what about when/if you decide to have children? Would you be ok settling for your children not celebrating holidays that are important to you?
2006-12-19 06:14:42 · answer #5 · answered by merideathx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you like the guy for who he is or for what he should give you?? If he's just cheap and is making excuses for not giving gifts that's one thing, but if he's generous at other times of the year, or gives you something for no reason at all, then don't be so selfish and try to understand what his position is.
2006-12-19 06:15:38 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this has anything to do with religion. This to me sounds like he is being cheap. Do you notice if he is thrifty in everyday life...like paying for dinner and stuff?
I always seemed to get stuck with the cheap ones. Please understand that I do not consider myself materialistic. I don't want diamonds...just something that shows someone cares for me. A card is a couple of dollars. My birthday is six days after Valentines Day and a previous boyfriend once told me that he didn't buy me anything because he just had to pay for flowers on Valentine's Day. Please note that when I tell you that guys that I thought were cheap did not have financial problems. THey made decent money, but just didn't want to spend it. I am sensisitve to financial issues.
As for your situation, I emphatize with you. You mentioned that you do not know what to say to him and I wouldn't either. You don 't want to come across as materialistic and you also don't want him to get away with this. Here are some ideas:
* Tell him that you don't want to spend a lot of money on gifts either, but you thought about making something for him. Part of the reason guys act like this is a lot of them hate to shop. I don't know what is in their genetic makeup that makes them hate to shop. If he don't like the crowds, lines, etc, then tell him that you would be happy with a card, picture of you too, etc. Most guys love to fool with digital camera, etc. He could frame a pic of you two together if there are any available. The point is gifts don't always have to be bought. He has to realize that gifts show a token of appreciation.
* If you are willing to waste your money, drop a hint that you plan to buy him something whether he likes it or not. There is nothing more embaressing to me than if someone bought me a gift and I didn't even think of them. However, be aware that this could be an awkward situation and that you may not get anything in return. But he may feel so guilty that he may straighten up before Valentine's Day.
* If you does not want to shop...most guys don't. Suggest that you guys plan a weekend getaway if that is possible and that will be a christmas present to each other. This may get expensive and it may be too late to plan.
* If all else fails, then withhold sex from him...from Christmas to New years.
* Keep an eye on this type of behavior. Is he like this for birthdays too? The Valentines incident that I told you about really made me feel like crap and didn't do much for my self-esteem. Again, I don't want people to think that I wanted diamonds and a mansion. I just wanted some token to show that they care. Another quick story. One guy that I previously dated wouldn't even shell out $10 for a pizza. He said it was too much money and wanted to know if we could just eat something at my apartment. It may sound silly. but, if I am not worth a $10 pizza then things are bad. We were dating for about four months at the time..same as you. Now, I always thought that you want to impress people when you first date them. It would be one thing if you guys were married with a few kids and you had responsibilities like mortgages, child care, etc. But I assume you are young. I'm sorry, but it is just plan rude to say what he said to you.
Wish I had better solutions...good luck and merry christmas.
2006-12-19 06:38:35 · answer #7 · answered by Angrygirl5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bwhahahaha!!
What a cheap bastard.. and ignorant as well.
Wow...
I say dump his sorry booty and not for the gift getting/giving.. Christmas isnt supposed to be about gifts and junk but the whole lameness of "going into the new year broke!" shows that he is one cheap dude :)
2006-12-19 06:16:14 · answer #8 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should learn to appreciate the benefit of having him in your life instead of the material things he can or in his case won't provide for you. I find it so disappointing that people base holiday's on the gifts that they get. Where have our priorities gone?
2006-12-19 06:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your boyfriend doesn't like to celebrate holidays then u cant force him and if you just want him to by you gifts then you aren't a very nice person(no offence) but still if he wants to be selfish then let him
2006-12-19 06:20:19 · answer #10 · answered by jamie m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋