I am 18 years old and have had many boyfriends i ahve even had some girlfriends. i ahve gotten into a lot of trouble and i did drugs and a lot of other things i shouldnt have. i want to forget about my horrible past. i have a boyfriend and i really love him a lot but i havent told him about my past i told him that he was my first when we had sex when i really lost my virginity at 15. i am just so worried that he will leave me if he knows. i mean i am not cheating on him i love him i just have a secret. i am not sure what to do i dont want to lose him.
2006-12-19 06:04:24 · 17 answers · asked by ashley h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tell him the truth, he deserves no less and i'll bet he has some things in his past he is ashamed of too. if he truly cares for you it may hurt him a little but he will stick with you. don't be so hard on yourself though everyone has a secret they are embarrassed about and everyone has made mistakes...making mistakes isn't the worst thing its human, the worst thing is not learning from those mistakes...you have forgive yourself for being human.
2006-12-19 06:07:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 31, and have been with my now husband for a little over 5 years now. One of the most basic and most important things in a relationship (to me) are honesty and trust. They are the basis of a relationship - anything else like compatibility, things in common, etc. are secondary. If you can't trust your partner - who else can you count on? A relationship is about getting to know each other, growing together.
Yes, you should tell him. You didn't say how long you have been with your BF, but now that you have established enough trust in him, it is time for you to tell him. Yes, you did lie to him about he being your first, but hopefully he will understand that since you have had a rough past, you also have trust issues, and needed to trust him first, before you could open up to him about such personal experiences. Hopefully he will understand that those things are behind you now, in the PAST, and that you are telling him the truth now because you want a future with him. Good luck!
2006-12-19 14:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kerstin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, my past is very similar to yours. I am much older now, but do share in your feelings and your concern.
How long have you been dating this person? I also learned that some people don't deserve to know all of thse things about you. Some may even use it against you. if, however. you love this man and you trust him with those sensitive feelings, then please share it with him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he will be mature enough to deal with it.
Be careful though, as to how much you share. You can share much of your past, but do you really need to tell him all of it? Do any of us really want to know every single thing about our significant other before they met us? I know I don't, unless it is really pertinent to our future together. yet, you did tell him he was your first. You will really need to clear that up. It is not fair to lie to him about that.
Now, if you do decide to share these things with him and he does leave you as you fear, well, consider yourself lucky. He gave you a gift actually. At least he will not rob anymore of your precious time making you believe that he will be strong enough to be a loving partner to you regardless of your past. People who really love you without condition, will accept you anyway (flaws and all).
Lastly, please get some counseling. That is the best gift I ever gave to myself. I woud have kept repeating much of the same things had I not gotten some help. You ultimately owe that to yourself and to anyone that you love.
Good luck to you. My heart is with you.
2006-12-19 14:13:49 · answer #3 · answered by Singthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really care about him then you need to be honest with him. If he realy loves you too then he will understand and thank you for your honesty. it may hurt him that you didn't tell him before, but at least now he will know. If he does get mad and leave, or tell you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, then he probably doesn't deserve you. If he loves you as much as you say then he should be more understanding. I hope everything works out for you. I would like to know how things go if you don't mind telling me.
2006-12-19 14:09:47 · answer #4 · answered by Jewels 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it is important WHO you ARE! not who you were or what you've done. The best roses grow in sh*t right? Find out what is important to him, it's not right to lie or manipulate to 'keep' some one. If it is important to him that the girl he is with has been an angelic virgin until she met him, maybe he's not the right guy for you. If he doesn't care, he doesn't need to know. What has he been doing before he met you? Don't get trapped in that double standard!
2006-12-19 14:11:17 · answer #5 · answered by wakingwolf79 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the whole story now. It is better if he hears it from you than someone else. Besides, if he hears it from you and stays; the relationship should be much stronger. If he leaves now, it is better that the relationship effects as few people as possible.
He may need some time to 'sort it out' if you tell him.
2006-12-19 14:13:44 · answer #6 · answered by jefferyspringer57@sbcglobal.net 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually if you have really stopped your bad habits,then you have to tell him.
First , if you keep it hidden and he finally finds out himself, he will be much much annoyed than when you tell him in his happy mood.
Secondly, your mind will not be at rest cause you will always be thinking of it. Does he know?
I think you find a suitable time probably when he is happy and gently break the news. He will be annoyed but later will accept it if he really likes you.
Good luck
2006-12-19 14:15:25 · answer #7 · answered by cajadman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the problem right there, you should have told him from the get go, now when you tell him he still might be with you but itll be in the back of his mind that you lied and you had sex when you were 15, but thats all up to you, not us, some people will say yes and some will say no, but its totally up to you, but if i were you tell him because what if someone tells him and you didnt, then hes really gonna be pissed.....
2006-12-19 14:08:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go girl. You have someone in your life who truly loves you. Don't tell him about your past, did he tell you all of his? Relax that part of your life is over with, so girl enjoy your current situation. A good man and love is so hard to find these days. Have fun!
2006-12-19 14:11:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh man........why would you have had to come up with a lie like that for? not cool
dont bring up the past. stay away from the past, or if he asks, then he can be told some.
2006-12-19 14:10:48 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋