My girlfriend of 6 years has decided that she dosent know if im the one. we are highschool sweethearts and have had a distance relationship for 3 years while in college, but have had a wonderful life togeather. however we have had the occational fights like most people, but have been togeather for so long. im 22 and she is 21 and finishing college next year. i wanted to get engaged for a year so we both would know for sure, but we have hit this road block now. she hasent seen much of her friends, like going out to parties because she has been with her parents on the weekends or with me. so i think that might be it who knows.she said she dosent want to have any regrets and she also dosent want to hurt me. we havent talked in about a week because we are on a break, but she said she just needs time to figure out things. well i need some help and some answers please.
2006-12-19 06:02:33 · 17 answers · asked by chewy2420 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a situation that I believe occurs so often. I don't believe there is a non-painful answer.You may be perfect for each other but you want to make an honest,informed decision that will produce happiness,fullfillment and lack of infidelity later on which will surely destroy the love and respect you have for each other. Someone very close to me has been through this with heartbreaking outcome. Knowing what I know,I would suggest going to a counselor to help you both work through this. You need someone impartial to help each of you to sort out what you are feeling and to help you relate this to each other. There is aways imagined fears of rejection that bias our ability to reason logically in these things.You can go to a minister for advice or through the local American psychology association for sliding scale fees if money is prohibitive.If either of you decide to move on or date others,you need advice how you can do this without totally making the other feel left behind. It's probably better for you both to see others if one of you decide to.This is hard but you both apparently love and respect each other. Please don't risk losing that because you feel betrayed. Marriage is forever. If neither of you have really dated others,you really may not be sure you can make a lifetime decision.I pray you really put creative thought in this solution. I really encourage you to be as mature as you can about her apprehensions.
2006-12-19 07:25:29 · answer #1 · answered by wonder woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some time, some space can really do some good. Even if u were apart for ten years. If its true love the love will always be there and it will bring u back together when u both find it doesn't lie with anyone else. True love I believe has to come from both sides, sometimes one person can be more in love then the other this doesn't balance out. She should be sure that she loves U the same way U love her.
I'm 32 years old right now and all the people that were High School Sweet Hearts that got married are now getting divorces. In all the cases i know of the women have felt that they never got to experience life and dating. These thoughts eat them up inside until the end result is a divorce and another broken home.
Take advantage of this time hangout with friends, go out on adventures and make experiences that u can bring back to the relationship when the time is right.
2006-12-19 06:43:02 · answer #2 · answered by Jimmy F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) You both need to be single for a few years so you will know what that is like.. for example: you must know that you can make it in life standing on your own two feet without help from mom & dad, or the bf/gf in your life.
- You can't know the difference between single and married (or in a committed relationship) without experiencing both.
2) It sucks for now, but you both must do this... IF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED NOTHING WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP YOU FROM IT... I have done extensive research on this and it is true... I have some really wierd stories from couples that have been together 20+ years...
3) It's better to be having these second thoughts today than after you are married - trust me... In fact, this is what MID-LIFE crisis is usually about... wondering what you missed in the world.. It's the time when some people step out... others just always wonder..
4) Marriage can be wonderful... especially once you know that a life partner is truly what you want.
- sorry if this isn't what you want to hear... but please think about it.
2006-12-19 06:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by gjm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what other people have said -- you are both young and you haven't really explored the single life, or other relationships. It sounds like your girlfriend wants more of an experience of these things before committing to marriage. (Again, 21/22 is pretty young.)
Time apart isn't a bad thing. Set aside some time to say what you need to say to each other, then make a plan to go your separate ways for a while, without contact. See what happens.
2006-12-19 06:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by Blenderhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her.. how can you say "no"?
If you are wanting to spend the rest of your life with her as your wife then try to figure out a time for you and she to get back together and then go out and enjoy the single life but i would suggest not hooking up with anyone because (remember) shes the one you want to marry.
2006-12-19 06:09:58 · answer #5 · answered by Prof. Timpo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She said she needs time. I'd take her word for that.
Also, it kind of sounds like she wants out of the relationship. Maybe you need to see who else is out there, too. You've been together for a long time, and maybe don't have the experiences with others that you should have.
2006-12-19 06:08:34 · answer #6 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you give her A little space althought you think she wanted to be with me why the change all the sudden well its like this maybe she still wants to be with you and just needs time to relieve all the stress she's feeling so she doesn't take it out the one she loves
just simple tell here everything will be ok, i'm here for you and if you need space i'll give it I have all the time in the world for you
2006-12-19 06:07:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that you may not be the one for her!
You are so, so, so young!
You have so much life ahead of you, as do I!
I'm 29, and have not met the one!
Be patient, perhaps I'm wrong, but in my personal experience, when a woman says I need to think, she is backing off!
2006-12-19 06:07:46 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u love her an appreciate her the form could mean no longer something by using fact u love ur gf an shes the only one u wanna be with there are a zillion fashions out htere u would be ok ur gf unlikely to pass away u an promenade for a woman is like her destiny shes gonna bang u excessive with a frying pan i could
2016-10-18 12:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a break, and you should take one as well. She's been with you for six years, she might feel like she's missing something. Give her space and let her explore, and you should do the same.
2006-12-19 06:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Smittie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋