How do I cope with Having a Long Engagement?

Question

I just got engaged but I am finishing up my degree at the local university. The problem is how do I cope I want to start planning now but i'm going to have to wait until October 2008 before we can marry. Any ideas on what I can do now to keep me in the wedding spirit? What types of things can I start scheduling and purchasing

I'm waiting to wed in order to finish my degree. It's something I've always wanted to have complete before I married someone

Answer 1

Cope? Depending on the size of the wedding, starting now would be fantastic.

My wife and I got engaged in April of 03, but married in August of 05. Even with that much time, we were still rushing, because we didn't think certain things would take as long as they did.

If your wedding is big (75+) try booking and interviewing *now* (Ours was 300). Our first two picks for wedding halls were booked until well past our wedding (we started looking in February of 04, they were both booked until January of '06!). Will they do food? Then you'll be at a tasting. If they don't, do they have prefered caters? If there's more than one, you'll probably be doing tastings there as well. Table covers, table cloths, seat backs, do they do those? Or will your florist do them?

Videographers and photographers have huge bodies of work. You have to take time and determine what kind of style you want, what kind of price range you want, and how long you want them there. Do they do posed pictures or no? What is their preference for color versus black and white versus sepia? Do you have a choice? What about parent's albums?

Same thing with flowers. What about the season you plan to get married? What flowers are blooming then? Will you need to special order flowers (we had to)?

And the wedding cake - unless you know a bakery that does wedding cakes to your liking, you'll have a few tastings to go to.

I didn't even mention the bridal gown, or your bridesmaid's gowns. For the bridesmaids, that took six months to get everyone together, get them to try on dresses, then try to get measurements. My wife's gown was a year in planning, but that was primarily due to where her seamstress was (we were in PA, she was in Upstate NY).

Depending on your religion or preferences, your minister may want you to do marriage counseling before they will administer the rites of the ceremony. In our case, we had two ceremonies, one unitarian and one hindu. We had to do this kind of thing for both. We had several interviews with both parties, including donations and church services, all of which happened over one and a half years.

Trust me, unless you're running off to Vegas, or getting a wedding planner, there's never enough time to plan a wedding. We were literally making decisions at the last moment... and we had two years too.

All I can say is, from a person who was there, PLAN NOW. You'll thank yourself on the wedding day. Start envisioning how your wedding will flow, and talk to your future spouse about what their vision is. If it's anything like my wife and I, you'll come to two different conclusions (not necessarily a bad thing). Two years isn't that far from now, I promise.

I'll leave you with this... my wife and I planned the wedding while she was graduating from law school and taking the bar exam in two states. It's not hard per se, just a lot of work.

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 2

I hear ya. I am engaged, have been engaged for 7 months and will be getting married June of 2008. It is hard to deal with a long engagement. When I first got engaged I got very excited and wanted to plan many things. I thought that by planning now, I wouldn't have to plan later, or spend so much money later. I was wrong. I have come to find out that you should just let time do it's own thing.

Don't pick out a wedding dress. Wedding dresses come in and out of style, so don't even start looking at dresses until later next year, maybe even the beginning of 2008. Besides, even if you want to try on a dress, the boutique will ask you when your wedding date is and if your bridesmaids dresses are chosen, etc. So it's annoying.

Don't pick your flowers or wedding hall or anything for that matter. Depending on how the economy of weddings is doing at that time, will the price go up or down. Besides, if you book a place now, by the time you get married you might find a better place and you won't get your money back for the place you booked. And if you book closer to your wedding, you will be so busy with other stuff, that you will not have time to look for other reception halls.

Do make a budget, and start saving. Let's say you want your wedding to be a 10,000 dollar wedding, then start saving. I have set a 10,000 dollar budget, and by my wedding, I will have the money. Make a list of where your money will go, such as 2,000 to pics and 1,000 to flowers, etc. That will help a lot because when you go to a wedding planner (which I highly recommend) you can tell her/him what your budget for each section is.

My best advice is to be Patient. Believe me I know how hard it is. And when you get discouraged, just think about the Man that you love, and how excited you will be to wake up every morning, look at him and tell him you love him.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You don't need to wait to start planning your wedding. My engagement is also fairly long (18 months) we are getting married July 27, 2007. I'm glad i have had all this time, because it has allowed me time to dream, time to come down from the dream and be realistic, time to thoroughly research all my vendors, and also time to work out more and save money for a nice honeymoon. You can definitely book your venue right now, October is a very popular month for weddings, so you should start looking into that. You can also start to research what kind of flowers you like, and begin to assemble your bridal party. Your bridesmaids will appreciate having lots of time too so they can put aside money if they need to, or maybe lose weight if they want. For me the hardest thing has been picking out a dress, you should start to look online at different designers and even go and try some on. That alone will really put you into the "wedding spirit." The only thing I wouldn't go out and purchase right now are printed materials, times and dates can change, so that shouldn't be done until you are at 1 year or under away from your date. Kudos to you for finishing your education first and making that priority #1. Congrats!

Answer 4

I know that right now it seems like a long time, but you have a great advantage. You have time to shop around, compare prices and book the things you want, the way you want them and usually at a better price than if you needed them in a hurry. You also have time to plan and think about how you want your wedding to be and have the time to save for those things that might be out of your budget now. Also, if you are in college and are managing your classes while planning the wedding you will need a lot of time to fit the wedding plans between your academic schedule. Particularly since as the wedding date draws closer you will be finishing your degree and probably taking the most challenging classes and will have little time to deal with wedding stuff. I think you can start booking the location of the ceremony and reception, as well as the decorator and florist.

Answer 5

October 2008 realy isn't that far off when you are talking about planning a wedding. My husband and I were engaged for two years almost to the day and I had all sorts of stuff to keep me busy right up until the last minute. Reception halls book up fast, in most cases at least a year in advance, so start looking at those first. Are you planning on a church wedding, outside wedding, etc ? Start looking at ceremony locations. You have a million decisions to make, like flowers, DJ vs. Band, Limo, party favors, Invitations, Dresses, your gown, tuxes, decoration....etc.. The list goes on and on. Reception Hall shopping is a huge part of the wedding planning. Go out and begin loking for exactly what u want. Big bonus you'll have plenty of time to pay for it.

Answer 6

The way things are changing in society the more time you have to plan, the better. Look at it as a blessing.

With that said, you could, and I would advise you to start by putting a date in stone. Then you can start, slowly, venue shopping. You can also pick a color sceme, and try to do some more in-depth planning with that.

I would just advise that you not start looking, harcore, for a dress yet. If you find, "the one". Then great, but if you go out for dresses then you will really get into the planning, and since it's so far out you will want to keep those feelings of wanting it to be sooner to a minimum.

Good luck!

Answer 7

You can't expect to be in the "wedding spirit" for almost 2 years. Just focus on the tasks at hand (completing your degree), and enjoy the relationship with your fiancé. When the time comes, you can start planning the wedding, but this probably won't be 'til next year sometime.

Answer 8

Aw that's so cool! I want to be engaged hehe.

You can start picking out dresses and start exploring your flowers, cake style, and colors, you can never be too picky about your wedding dress and theme. So this gives you PLENTY of time to take little trips with your girlfriends and/or fiance to get a head start on some ideas. Plus little things like candle holders, table cloths and came toppers save.

Dont buy anything like dresses or the cake until closer to the wedding, but it never hurts to look and get ideas!

GOOD LUCK! Let us all know how things are going!

Answer 9

October 2008 is closer than you think. That's about how long my husband and I were engaged.

What you want to do now is start arranging for your dress and decorations, if you want something that isn't easy to find.

Another thing you can do- and I don't know if this is a custom now, but it used to be- is assemble a Hope Chest- that is, put things in a chest that you will want to use to start your new life with your husband. You can put things like linens, special cutlery, and perhaps even well-wrapped dishes in it.

Congratulations- and good luck!

Answer 10

And why to you have to wait? Just so you can have a big wedding? Get married now and celebrate later. Is it the marriage you want or the big party that goes along with a wedding?