or flowers...after a loved one died...BUT THEY WILL BRING IT UP IN THE STORE OR WHEREVER...AND BOLDLY ASK YOU ABOUT IT??? now i feel that is rude...HOW INSENSITIVE???? geez!!! they haven't seen you in 15 years but will bring up YOUR TRAGEDY??? they were just acquaintences...NOW WOULD YOU GET IT IF I SAID.."oh, that was years ago....I do not talk about him anymore:?????" would you get it and never bring it up again???
2006-12-19 05:41:15 · 6 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
If they're just acquaintances, that is probably one of the few things they remember about you. They are probably trying to show you they care and remember about something that happened to you and have not stopped to think about how you'll react. A lot of people just bring up the first thing that comes to mind.
I'd say something like "That was a long time ago, and I'd rather not talk about it." Then either "But how are things going for you? Still at that job?" or "Hey, it was great to see you again. I have to finish up here and be at a meeting at 7 - hope to see you again sometime!"
2006-12-19 05:54:08 · answer #1 · answered by Trailness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I'd get it. But i guess it wouldn't really matter because I probably wouldn't see you for another 15 years.
I think that people say stupid things when they see someone they are acquainted with, they feel like they have to "connect" but don't really have anything to say. So then they say stupid things to make conversation. If it was weighing on them that they didn't pay proper respects at the proper time, that is what's on their mind the first time they see you; so they say something about it. Keep in mind that just because they were not real close does not mean that the deceased person didn't have an affect on them. Many people mourn the loss of others who only touched them once in their lives, but one great influence lives on through others that the deceased had a profound effect on. This is what people call a legacy, the carrying on of the person through the passing on of beliefs, memories, traditions, etc. It would be selfish of you and inconsiderate of your deseased loved one to not allow those things to take place.
As a side note. It seem to me that you still have a lot of recovering to do from this loss. I think it's a shame that you can't or don't talk about past loved ones, no matter how many days or years it's been. I think it's sad that when you think of your loved one that's no longer here, that you have negative feelings about it. Feeling sad or mad about someone passing is one of the very first steps in recovering from grief and loss and it seems that you haven't been able to move past that stage yet. I pray that you are able to get to a point that when someone brings up this person to you that you can share in a respectful (for you, them, and the deseased) conversation your feelings and theirs, and remember all the good things about the person; rather than how horrible the tragedy was or how crappy it is that they are not around any longer. Good luck.
2006-12-19 14:19:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The honest truth is that sometimes people get too busy and forget. Hear me out on this before you completely ignore my answer but ....have you ever got so wrapped up in your life that you forgot some important things for others? When I went to school as a child, I knew this kid whose mom always forgot to pick him up when she had important projects to finish for work.
I'm sure that's what happened to the person you are talking about.
However, you have to keep in mind that the person who asked you about your tragedy probably was trying to connect with you and asked you about it because they were concerned. My family does that much more frequently than I'd like to admit. They just care about you and are trying to find some information to catch up with your life. What better way to know if a loved one is okay after such trauma than ask them how they've dealt with it?
It sounds like your tragedy was strong and still is a fresh wound for you. It's okay to tell people you're "not ready to talk about it yet or maybe ever". I am sure they will understand and back off. Don't alienate someone who cares about you because you're in pain. Who knows, they might be able to help you out?
2006-12-19 13:59:46 · answer #3 · answered by squishywin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it as a sincere condolence and move on. I make my own life more difficult when I get in a knot over stuff like this... and I don't really need that!
Sometimes, the right card is really hard to find, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes, all the cards seem too trite and cheesy...
2006-12-19 14:56:35 · answer #4 · answered by boots&hank 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you need to get a card or flowers to feel that someone cares, it seems the problem is with you, not the people offering their condolences.
2006-12-19 13:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by answerman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u dont have to have a card to kno peoples feelings
2006-12-19 13:42:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋