Correcting bossy behavior in a 4-year old?

Question

My daughter is 4 years old and in daycare. We receive glowing reviews of her from them in all areas except for one - she 'over utilizes her leadership skills.' We've seen this in situations where other kids are present such as birthday parties and such. She tries to direct activities and hand out assignments to others...including her teachers and peers. We are happy that she is displaying leadership skills at such a young age and we don't want to stomp these out. We would like her to understand when it is appropriate to direct activities and when she should let the teachers do their jobs. She needs to understand when to listen and follow directions. For example, her teacher was reading a book to the class. Our daughter grabbed another book and sat down a few feet away and started getting kids to create a circle around her and she 'read' to them. She also likes to be the one in the class that hands out materials. How can we steer her in the right way without hurting her ego?

Answer 1

Greetings!
first of all relax! this is especially typical in only children. Our daughter was like yours and even stronger. when asked a question she would think and ponder for a while and then state boldly I WILL IF I WANT TO!!! to any and everybody

the book little ms. bossy is a gem for this age and the companion books talk about sharing and being a participant in a group. play groups are fine yet your daughter has been guided and given the skills to lead

please encourage her to allow others to show her that these skills will best serve her if she stands back and pay attention to all that is going on in her environment. Continue to listen to her and encourage her to remember when it is hard to hold back so she can share it with you later.

Our daughter is bright with two technical degrees. the ability for a parent to allow a girl to demonstrate these skills is comendable
boys do it and it is admirable. the world is changing, allow your daughter to be prepared as a leader!
A change is going to come, the more you are involved in her development the better. keep her busy, she has all the talent and courage needed to be such a powerful citizen.
the rest is up to you!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

It sounds as if she likes the structure and is trying to do her part, but doesn't understand exactly what her part is. This is quite understandable; she's only 4. I suggest you take the time some day to explain the matter to her. Explain that when one person is in charge, the others have to follow along. The teachers are in charge, and sometimes they let a child be in charge of something, but the child still has to do what the teacher says. And it is all right to start your own reading circle during free time, but when the teacher is doing it, you have to listen to the teacher. Explain that she might make a mistake sometimes (everybody makes mistakes), but the teachers will tell her so she can learn. It's their job, and her job is to learn from them. Tell her that if she's not sure when it's okay for her to be in charge of something, she can ask the teacher. Tell her that a good leader also knows how to be a good follower.

Answer 3

Well if your daycare is owned by someone with child skills they would know that you can very easily work this problem out. The best way to do so and I am by now means a doctor or child care professional just someone who has sought out this type of help. Allowing your daughter to help with certain task are great. The daycare provider should set up a big piece of paper with each of their names on their and show them so they canunderstand what days is the day for them to be the helper. You can do this at home as well. If your child has siblings this is great if not then dad and mom should be on the list as well. Tell her that she needs to take a break from all her duties on certain days. I think you will find that she will adapt quite well to this. By doing this at home as well as in daycare she will know when its her turn and when it is someone elses. Otherwise if this is not stopped now , when she starts school she will come off as bossy and that is not a good thing. Good luck

Answer 4

Speaking from a day care teacher perspective, it is great she is showing such leadership skills. When I would have a shild demonstrate the same personality trates asyour daughter, I found it easiest and least detremental to thank then for their help and ask them to wait till it is their turn. She clearly enjoys leading and an audience. When ever you see her taking charge, jsut correct her, explaining that this is not the right time, but she can have a chance later.

Good luck

Answer 5

She is trying to find ways to feel powerful. It feels powerful for her when she directs others. Are there any recent changes in your home that are causing her to feel powerless? If so, give her positive outlets to feel powerful by saying things like “You did that by yourself!” “You can run super fast!” “Look how high you can climb!” “You used so many colors on your painting!” “Your teacher must be really proud of you!” “You have mad so many nice friends!” These types of phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and great ways to help her feel powerful without stomping on her leadership skills.

Arrange some play dates at home. If you see that she is doing this to another child, go to that child and empathize “Emma” thinks that you should (write on this, play over here, use this toy). What do you think about that?” Help the child express their feelings to your daughter so that your daughter can see that child’s point of view.

Do some role playing with her where you each take turns being a leader. Practice listening and following directions. Give her some task. For example, “Go into your room and find two things that are red and one thing that is green.” Also, give her opportunities to direct you when appropriate.

Explain to her that “It is polite to listen to your teachers and it is polite to stay in circle when your teacher is showing you something.” Speak with her teachers about providing her with opportunities to be a leader and when it is and is not appropriate.

Have her help with "adult type" activities. She can help you with dinner, making snacks, cleanup, or shopping for groceries. She’ll love it and feel proud of herself! Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Start at home, by letting her assign task there...then you take over the role playing and make it a game...she will soon realize that others have to take a "turn" being the leader! Follow the leader is a good game to play...it will show her one, how to follow instructions / be fair / take turns / and have fun all at the same time. Red light / Green light is also a fun / good one to play!

Answer 7

this is leadership?

this is the lack of empathy and overagressiveness which is caused by day care. you are aware that day care causes that, right?

you don't want to hurt her ego? you damaged it long ago when you put this child in day care. she shouldn't have to be sharing her little life with all these people. can you imagine being at a cocktail party 5 days a week 10 hours a day? please. what a lousy life you've given her.

be home with her, be a mom to her, and teach her how to function in society. that's what she needs. not your faux-mommy garbage.

Answer 8

this maybe learnt behaviour is there a bossy person in your houehold. maybe if that person could tone down their behaviour then your daughter would stop displaying this and be allowed to be a child instead of trying to be an adult before her time.

Answer 9

well your just going to have to hurt her ego a little...she sounds disruptive and selfish the way she has to do everything...shes only 4 your wont squash anything she needs to be put in her place and learn to listen....the "leadership" if thats how you want to call it will still be there.

Answer 10

lol
Cassandra has got it right,

Never thought I give someone a thumbs up that called me a sicko in the past, lol. The truth is the truth though.