what do i do with my sister?

Question

My little sister is 13 years old and she is about to go into foster care again. i am 18 and married and live in a appartment with my husband. do we take her in? she is smoking pot and drinking beer. she is only 13 years old. she lives with her father and step monther. our mother is a truck driver and is on the road all the time with her new husband who my sister is not to be around because of her father and mom is not going to leave her husband for a daughter who lies non stop! can you all give me some advice?

Answer 1

Sounds like you could be the only good and stable thing in her life. What little she has lived. Lead by example and show her there is another way. She is only 13. Take her to church.

Answer 2

I know far too well about your situation. Kids at this age can be wild and end up getting you into more trouble. My sister was about this age when my husband and I took custody of her. The problem was she tried to get away with the same things as before which I said was not happening. She eventually straightened up and went back home only to start up again. All you can do is try if she is constantly smoking you can always talk to the juv. court and find out if they have options such as placing her on probation and drug testing her. It sounds like part of her life is not very structured and this could be part of the problem. However you need to be sure your husband knows the situation and your relationship can withstand the heart ache you may incur. Just beware that problems could start between your husband and you over your sister and you need to be prepared to make the decision early on that your husband will come first and you will NOT tolerate any of your sisters out of control behavior. I have four kids and my kids yes sometimes don't mind as all kids but they do have respect for me and most of the time follow my rules. Good luck to you!!

Answer 3

Wow hard decision.
If she goes into foster care she will only be introduced to more drugs and early sex if not true abuse.
If you take her in you are up for years of troubles with a rebel kid which will put a strain on your marriage...been there done that!
Talk with your hubby and ask him. Don't sugar coat anything for him. Tell him it won't be easy. (Trust me it won't)
You need to decide...
Are you willing to give up on her and let the state raise another future crack addict?
Are you willing to sahke up your marriage for a teen who probably won't appreciate it until well into adulthood if your lucky?
My advice would be to bite the bullet and do what you can to save your sister.
Mom sounds like her priorities are not her struggling teen. Probably why she is in the predicament she is. Not unusual these days.
The state won't be much help...trust me.
Avoid calling the cops and any legal avenues if at all possible.
Sounds like your only choice is turning your back and worrying about you, or making a BIG sacrifice and trying to help your sis.
Sounds like a long talk with hubby is due.

Answer 4

No if you are happy how you are I would not take her in. She is 13 and doing all that sort of stuff already, Sounds like she needs a really good smack, shes only a child with an attitude and seeking attention, she should be with her mother and her mum being the boss not her. She is your sister and i bet you love to death, but having her around in that state would be disastrous.

Answer 5

I think that you should take her in rather than let someone take her and do what so ever he/she wants to do with her.The world is flled with alot of opsticles that you sister would have to face which you have to help her to overcome.You should try and sit down with her and let her know the wrongs from right.You should convince her that smoking pot and drinking beer is not right for her at this early stage.Let her know that the world is a hugh place of danger,and she must learn to protect herself not from telling lies.

Answer 6

The one thing this kid needs is to know someone loves her no matter what.... she also needs to know that at 13 she is not all alone in the world... this does not mean you need to take full custody and care of her, what it means is that you do need to be actively involved in her life. You could talk to the authority that is placing her in foster care about the possibility of her spending every second weekend with you and your husband and say half of the school holidays. Talk to them about what are reasonable rules while she is in your care and what your expectations etc are.

Sit your sister down and tell her that you love her and you are there for her as much as you can be but your first priority is to your husband because that is what marriage is about....

Dont become involved in the "he said... She said.." kind of family arguments that can develop and dont be judgemental of other members of the family to your sister.... That doesnt mean you should have some kind of judgement about them but it does mean dont play the blame game.

Tell your sister you will write and ring when she is not with you and then make sure you follow up... A short note to say hi is all that is needed... something in the mail box that is just for her... she will look forward to that even if she says it doesnt matter... it will matter to her...

Sadly loving your sister involves allowing her to make some mistakes of her own, and there is not a lot you can do about that... do try to offer her some counsel when she is in the mood to listen and make sure you listen to her...

With a mixed up step family things can be very difficult with your sister not knowing who really cares about her... and who she can talk to...It will be very hard to hear some of the things she has to say but it is important to simply hear her out... let her know you are listening by asking her some simple questions about her experiences or rephrasing what she has said and saying it back to her..... questions like "Wow that must have been tough on you..?" and "Why do you think that happened?" "What would you like to do about that?" rephrase things she said by saying..."I hear you say ............ ,,,,, ,,,,, ,,,, " then she knows there is one person on earth really hearing her....

If you can find one thing that the two of you enjoy and share, an interest, a shared hobby you can work on building that into your relationship with her.... if she is interested in music then include that in your relationship... it is important that she know you know some of what she likes and that she matters enough to you to do that...

Dont presume everything your sister is saying is a lie... dont presume any of it is a lie.... sometimes kids say stuff and parents who dont want to hear it will start saying the kid is lying... dont buy into this situation at all.... Simply accept what she is saying unless you know by personal experience, scientific fact that something is a lie....Dont take one persons word over anothers... it is hard to sort out these kind of messes and is really in the end pretty darn irrelevant...

Talk to you sister, talk to each of her parents if you can, talk to the authorities who will arrange the foster care. Find out what each party thinks is the right thing to do, then talk with your husband and hear what he has to say about it all and what he thinks your involvement should be.... he is your husband and his opinion does matter...

Develop a plan and stick to it..

Short stays may make it easier for your sister to be well behaved at your place... it gives her the chance to be successful at being good ..... even if only for an overnight stay... It also means it is easier for you and your husband to manage your time that is taken up by your sister...

Answer 7

I would really try to take her in. You should be able to get assistance for her through DFCTs. They can get her into rehab and counseling. Don't give up on her. She's only 13.

Answer 8

I DONT KNOW