How do you maintain calm when upset with children and try to not get so angry?

Question

I often feel bad because when I get upset with my six year old son, who mouths, doesn't listen, laziness ect.Lack of respect upsets me the most.I try not to spank, I would much rather not. Any parents have any suggestions?
I try to lecture, and talk.But other days I get so frusterated I end yelling and I worry that it is not good for him. I don't want him to disrespect me or other adults. iwant him to beable to freely express his feelings but not in such a disrespectful way.

Answer 1

Disciplining your children is not something you do because you hate them, it is something you do because you love them. Spanking is a touchy subject. I belive in spanking, but not how it is usually done.
Typical synario I see all the time:
Kid does something wrong, mom yanks kid by arm into the air and smacks him on the butt mid air screaming "Bad! Bad! Bad!"
Kid cries, and holds his bruised arm, usually not knowing what he did wrong.

This is how It should be done:

When your child does something bad enough to encour spanking, you should: Sit your child down and tell him what they did wrong. Explain why you are spanking them. Tell them that you love them and that is why you have to spank them. Then put them over your lap and spank. After the spanking hug them and tell them again how much you love them.

Children will not know what they did wrong if you just start smacking them. They will not learn from their mistakes if you randomly smack them on the butt, most children that get spanked never knew what they did wrong.

If you spank out of anger, in the heat of the moment, your child will learn that anger is good, and will use that emotion against you.

If you are patient and loving when disciplining, your child will learn to be patient and loving.

If you are angry when disciplining, your child will learn nothing but anger.

If you still don't feel comfortable with spanking, then remember when you get angry and want to fly off the handle, walk away. Go into the bathroom or wherever you can to avoid taking it out on your child. Their lack of control comes from your lack of control. Don't show them your unmanaged anger. Then when you have calmed yourself down asses the situation and punish properly in love. Then they will start responding in love as well.

Good Luck

Answer 2

When you feel the urge to yell, leave the situation and come back as soon as you get your composure. After a while it will become your first response. As far as how to deal with him, only you will know what works, every child is different and responds to different methods. I would try them all until I found one that works.

My favorite one I used often was to take things away until they deserved to have it back. No exceptions.

Yelling is an emotional response and doesn't work, so try to keep your emotions out, which is really hard, but it works. Then you can be an example of how to express your feelings in not such a disrespectful way.

Answer 3

I have learned with my eight year old who has similar issues that yelling does not work. When you are angry or upset with him try what has worked for us. When he is being disrespectful or showing behavior that is inappropriate, tell him you and him need to take a time out from each other and when you both have had time to calm down, you can come back and talk about it. I have seen great changes in my son since I started this method. I also would recommend a Responsibility chart. You can get them at most teaching supply stores or at a few vendors on line. I know with my son when he know that there are benefits to behaving he is more likely to do so. You may also want to have your child tested for ADD/ADHD and see how those results come out. I have my son on all natural add meds and he is a completely different kid now. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Take cues from TV shows like "The Nanny". Penalize him for behavior that you are trying to correct...take away things that he enjoys playing with.

Children crave discipline! It is up to us adults to make sure that our discipline isn't done out of our lack of self-control. Let him know what the rules are and keep him on a tight schedue. He's doing these things because in some way it seems that you are not constructively disciplining him....all he hears with his 6 year old mind is the yelling. His "acting out" may be a direct result of all the yelling.

I do not believe you are a bad mother; I think its awesome that you are aware that indeed there is a problem and you'd like to fix it. Also too, realize that he is just 6....he doesn't comprehend with the midset of an adult.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I know how you feel, but sometimes yelling at them and putting that fear in them is the only thing that will work. I get so angry at my seven year old that i'm afraid one day I will really lose my mind. But i've learned that if you are too angry to disicpline him when he is misbehaving, send him to his room with no tv, no playning with toys, etc. The only thing I allow my seven year old to do is to read a book or write a story. Make sure you let him know why he's in his room. Explain it to him that you are too angry to discipline him right now and that you're afraid of what you might do to him. (SCARE HIM) While he's in there, you need to take a few minutes and calm down. Do what ever it is that you do to calm down. There's not a time limit that I follow, I just make sure that I am calm before enter her room and I sit her down and let her know what she did wrong and what her punishment is going to be. I make sure that i use THE VOICE and give her THE FACE.

Answer 6

You can not lecture a 6 year old...they are not capable of listening / comprehending for that long of a period of time. I would suggest some stonger types of punishment as he is getting this unruly behavior from somewhere! I know it's hard to be calm...but if my little one doesn't jump when I say jump all I do is start counting...one, two, three...if I get to three, the boy is in deep **** and is sent to the corner and then depending on the situation...grounded. We might get to three...once every 6 months...but I don't have time for unruly behavior and with him being a foster child...I can only say that I am lucky to have had him in other foster homes who feel the same way as we have only had him for about a year...he is 5!

Answer 7

It is a very tough call! You want to show yourself in control, yet, at the same time, not be a "paper tiger". When I used to work in daycare, if I saw kids were not paying attention to me when I was talking to them, I often took away what was distracting them from my attention, usually the toys they brought in.

Your son needs to know that each action he takes will result in either rewards/consequences. If he doesn't listen when you're talking to him, take his favorite toy, and put it in a place way out of his reach. Let him know he won't be allowed to have it for awhile, and will lose if for a longer period of time the next time he chooses to ignore you when you talk to him. Once you "hit him where it hurts" so to speak, then they tend to want to pay attention.

Whenever he acts up in public, then let him know that, when he gets home, there will be severe consequences for his actions, and, the longer he keeps it up, the longer and more severe those consequences will be. He may find it to be funny the first time, but, as long as you follow through on your threats, he will not find it to be so amusing.

Be prepared for your son to call you "mean" and other names when you stick to your guns. Kids will try to bribe you when they know you're angry with them, and then really throw fits when they see it is not going to work. I had one boy in daycare who would do this to me all the time, but, after a few months, he learned that I refused to be manipulated and/or intimidated!

Bottom line, be consistent! Don't make ideal threats, and never let you child see you frustrated! For the record, I am not opposed to spanking, if necessary, but I don't think it should be the first option used! Best wishes to you in this.

Sometimes I do believe it is O.K. to yell at kids! If the situaiton has gotten out of hand, then yelling may be the only way to get their attention. Just make sure you voice lowers quickly once you have gotten their attention, and don't keep screaming at them.

Answer 8

Try sitting down and talking with him, although at his age he might not absorb it all completely. Let him know that if he continues to treat you and talk to you in the manner that he does there will be consequences. Let him know that for each time he does it, you will be/have in your possession something that he cherishes or enjoys playing with or doing for whatever amount of time you deem appropriate. Or ground him for a day from whatever activities he is used to partaking in.

When you get that angry or stressed out (and it happens to all of us mothers, so don't you guys try acting like it doesn't) try to take your own timeout. Deep breathing....

Spanking won't teach him anything except that it's okay to hit someone when you are upset, it could backfire on you. I'm not placing judgement, so please don't take me wrong, ok? Time outs are kind of helpful too, you could try that. Good luck!

Answer 9

Be a parent. Your child is obviously in control of the situation. His behavior is learned and reinforced by your actions. Until you are ready to step up to the plate and set the boundaries you will continue to have this problem. As for spankings.. I believe there is a difference between discipline and a beating.

Answer 10

If talking and lecturing are not working try a little spanking. My generation and others before me used this correction method and it generally works every time. I'm not advocating beating your son, but a good spanking once in a while works wonders!