How can i deal with a controlling, packrat mother? Our house hasn't been liveable in like 10 years. No one can live in harmony like this when theres only room for one person with the amount of clutter. My brother went to college far away and pretty much never came back. I am in college now too, but things there have not worked out for me and now im going to be commuting, from home! My mom says if I move out she will not pay for college and will take my car away (its in her name). And I don't have enough money to support myself. How can I deal with this? I just wish I had a mom that loved me, not JUNK.
2006-12-19 03:38:40 · 14 answers · asked by cutie pie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mom (obviously) has issues. You are the one that has to decide how much you want to be pulled in. Getting her counseling/or on meds IS the way to go..
HOWEVER, ----YOU are not responsible for the mental health of your mother. SHE (and other family members) has to be willing to cooperate—other family members have to take responsibility as well. Getting everyone on the same track is a major deal – not easy.
If you can not get everyone in the family to cooperate to help your mother (and if she does not want to change)… my suggestion:
Stay on campus as much as you can – Study, write papers and do as much as you can at the library. When you can’t do that.. make frequent escapes to friends homes (to “study” or work on "reports") Your college should also have free counseling - Take it. Sometimes sitting down with someone a few times a month and venting helps a lot.
Anything to keep YOUR sanity. Home is where you sleep, eat (if you must).. and make/attempt pleasant conversations with your folks.
The Goal: To get your education (no matter what it takes) and get the hell out of there.
In some cases, the end does justify the means.
2006-12-19 04:57:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a family is not easy, Moms are far from perfect. Your mom probibly has clutter because she feels the need to nest or may be depressed thoes things also cause controlling attitude. Things may not be as rosie as you think for her. If you dont want to deal with her issues then you need to get a job and go out and support yourself, put yourself through college buy your own car and insurance.. If your mom loved her clutter more then you , you would not have the car for her to take away and you would be putting yourself through college, shall we talk about the other little things you dont think of. food gas shelter, books, electric, heat, medicene.
Good luck
2006-12-19 03:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom how you feel. Don't raise your voice or argue with her. (That will lead to trouble) Ask her to take what you say into consideration before you say it. Don't use harsh words or "junk". Pull her aside and explain it to her respectfully (also tell her how you feel about her loving junk and not you). Listen to what she says and don't fight with her answer. Once she tells you, accept it. Then make you decision. Maybe you could swap back and forth to different houses (if your dad leaves your mom) during your vacation from college. (If you mom won't accept that idea, maybe you could toss this out.) Help her sort out her "junk" you call it. You could make two piles "Keep" and "Don't Keep" that worked for my mom and she's also a packrat.
2006-12-19 03:55:23 · answer #3 · answered by anyonomous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry this may sound harsh but I do not mean it to be, you need to grow up and stop letting your mum ruin your life. Yes she does not want you to go to spain she wants you to stay here so she can keep pretending that you are her little girl. You need to sit down with your oh and have a long discussion and decide the pro's and con's of both the choices available to you, have you been to spain with your partner? Perhaps you could go for a holiday and see if there is work available for your partner and see if you like the life style over there. Once you have decided what is BEST for \YOU, your DAUGHTER and your PARTNER then tell your parents calmly but firmly what you have decided and let them deal with it the best they can. Explain to your mum that once you are settled see can come and see you and try to get internet access with a webcam so she can stay in contact and still see your daughter.
2016-05-23 07:27:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost you need a job. School, at this juncture can wait a few years. Get out of the house, away from your mother and on your own. (Would your brother take you in?)
You can't fix what your mother's got; she's not going to change. The only thing you can do is to save yourself.
2006-12-19 05:27:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her how you feel. I know people who are just like your mom. That's very unfortunate for you. But I would just talk to her and tell her that the junk is ruining your lives. And try to save as much money as you can while living at home. That way if she doesn't change her junky ways I would leave.
2006-12-19 03:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom is not well. but that's not reason enough to allow her to control you. your should start building up some savings for yourself. if you can't afford to move, there's nothing you can do about that right now. (if you really need to go now, consider student loans & financial aid.--look into it for your next semester/school year) but i think you should start saving up so you can move out after graduation. make home someplace you come home to get some sleep & grab a shower. is the car a necessity? if not, let it go. help w/strings attached means you owe me so now you'll just have to do things my way & that sucks. this compulsion to save everything is usually rooted in a person's upbringing. she needs to get professional help. there are people who go in & organize people's homes. they even arrange for dumpsters & stuff. good luck.
2006-12-19 04:27:05 · answer #7 · answered by L. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Directly speak to your mom, ask her have you ever care or love me? If not, why she give you a birth?....
If she still never change her attitude to you, tell yourself you can earn money support yourself. Change your full time study to partime and learn to take buses, drive cost you a lots...somemore fuel was increase by next year..
It may quite exhausted for first few month, but you will proud of yourself if you can make it.
2006-12-19 03:54:39 · answer #8 · answered by Sweety21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is suffering from a mental illness; ask your dad to seek counseling for her, himself, or all of you as a family.
The alternative is to let her spiral out of control until she ruins her life and those of her family.
2006-12-19 03:41:40 · answer #9 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You guys should go the grey show .. he can help your mom.. There once they have guest on there same thing..
and she got help... So get your mom some help.. you can leave her until she clean up her mess.. tell her either clean up your mess or i am going leave her.. hey you go find your self and support yourself.. you old enough to go find job... tell her you hurting the relationship.. because of her mess...
2006-12-19 03:43:51 · answer #10 · answered by babyg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋