My daughter is 11 yrs old and she and my neice 13 yr old neice go swimming every day in the backyard. I came home early from work yesterday and I looked out of the window and to my surprise they were making out. Now I didn't want to seem like a loon to come running out of the house in an uproar but they were definately rounding 2nd base at the time. Here lately I've also notice some cigarette butts out by the pool deck. Should I be concerned now becuase after the pool the girls shower together? My ex-wife says to leave the matter alone, its not for me to get involved. Should I let my sister know about the things that are going on with her daughter? My neice is usually a very nice girl and she and my daughter have always been best friends and I would hate to ruin any thing.
2006-12-19 03:09:52 · 17 answers · asked by bl4de_cutter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's more common than you think for girls to experiment sexually with other girls, but she is too young. I suggest talking very openly with your daughter. If you haven't had the birds and bees talk yet, do so. Tell her you saw them kissing, and that this kind of sexual behavior is for people more mature. Also, I would add that while it is natural for family members to love each other, this type of love with a cousin or other family member is not allowed. Don't make her feel bad about herself, she is probably wondering if she is normal. I would bring it up to the aunt too. Don't worry that it will ruin their friendship to the point you ignore what is going on. If this cousin was a boy you would have ran out there like a loon right? Even though she cannot get pregnant with her cousin, she is too young. Parents should be very much involved in their young children's lives and be able to openly communicate about sex with them. Don't ignore the cigarette butts either. Give her the whole smoking lecture. Tell her if she smokes she will be punished. She's eleven, she needs guidance!
2006-12-19 03:26:20 · answer #1 · answered by Swirlgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring in your sister, daughter, ex-wife and niece and talk this out. Find out what is going on. Burying your head in the sand is not going to make this go away.
It should be addressed and you should talk openly with the girls.
If there are drugs involved then you need to know.
I always felt it was better to bring these things out in the open and have the kids discuss in a calm manner, with calm parents, who are not screaming and yelling.
Keep your cool and hear them out.
If you need to separate them, then do so.
A 13 year old and an 11 year old are very far away from each other in maturity.. It is the right time to interfere.
2006-12-19 03:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk about it.. the cigarettes mostly, Yes it is a concern that they are making out however they are both young and most likely are experimenting. Which believe it or not many kids do, they are only 11 and 13 so I would not be too concerned about it being more than kissing. just sit down and talk to them about it. Just dont seperate them completely it could really hurt them in the end, just monitor them a bit
2006-12-19 03:31:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have need to have a sit down with your daughter and talk to her about what you saw, yes, it will probably be uncomfortable for both of you being that you are the dad and she is 11 yrs old. You need to be supportive to her and listen to what she has to say. Careful though she is at an age now when she will be trying new things. Comfort her let her know that you love her and you will support her in her life decisons. Talk about sex with her ask her what she knows and educate her and ask her what she is feeling towards girls and boys for that matter. Also talk to her about smoking stay calm and let her know you are not mad but you love and support her. There may be things to worry about only becuase they are 11 and 13 and they are way to young to be having making out to begin with, they need to slow down and think. about things, and yes you need to let your sister know what is going on maybe you 2 can talk to both girls together about what they are doing. Relax everyone in america has to have the sex talk sooner or later and just be very honest and let them talk, try not to judge and listen don't get mad and they will be honest with you, make sure they feel like they can talk to you about anything. Good luck to you.
2006-12-19 07:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by shaunda f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - you were quite right to leave them alone. Let them have their pleasures. It's unlikely they will end up as lesbians just because they have a crush on each other now. I would encourage them to be together and let them have time to play together in private.
I'd have a word about the cigarettes, though. Cigarettes are really dangerous for young girls.
Jennie
2006-12-19 04:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a good relationshipp with one or both, I would talk to her/them not as a medaling mother but as a concerned person. make sure they understand what is what. The smoking is more of a concern, set ground rules, but be open and understanding if you freak over the kissing it will only make it worse. see how you feel after you talk to them. Or have your x talk to them then decide about your sister ... will she over react? this is not the age to push them away or let them run rampid ... sorry i cant be more help. I can say that this year Bi seems to be the in thing.
2006-12-19 03:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are they are just experimenting, but I suggest you have your daughter see a professional to see what they have to say. And forget what your ex says about you not getting involved; it's your daughter and you need to look out for what's in her best interest. Schedule some family counseling for you and your daughter even if you ex does not want to get involved.
2006-12-19 04:52:17 · answer #7 · answered by Roberta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would more concerned about the smokng than the kissing girls. You should sit down with ehr daughter and make her aware that you saw them by the pool and that you have also discovered cig. butts around, ask her what is going on. Butdon't judge her and make her feel bad.
2006-12-19 04:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by his wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. Show her that you care but do not get angry with her. Tell her that you saw her and your neice and would like to know what is going on. Tell her that smoking is bad and that she should see for herself. Check out www.whyquit.com
See if kissing is just practice for boys or more.
Be ready for the fact that she might like girls and let her make her own mind.
2006-12-19 03:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by alexrombuc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you need to tell her mother what is wrong with your ex wife. you need to seperate these girls your daughter is only 11 years old. that is rediculous. in no way is this okay. and trust me a cps worker would say the same. you need to get your daughter a counselor or something. if at 18 she chooses to be this way then fine. but not at 11.
2006-12-19 03:13:21 · answer #10 · answered by stunt101 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋