my son won't sleep without me in bed with him! HELP!?

Question

my son is 3 3/4 years old and uses my hair as a comforter, he won't sleep without holding, stroking and pulling it. it is driving me around the bend. i've tryed giving him dolls with hair, hairy toys, soft teddy bears, cutting some of my hair off for him, everything. he doesn't do this to any one else and sleeps really well for his nan! i feel bad just stopping him and letting him scream for it as this became his comforter when my husband got cancer. any suggestions?

Answer 1

Oh bless him!

Okay, well what you need to do is gradually take this comforter away. The problem with that is that children who have comforters generally get rid of them as and when they are ready, but yours is obviously attatched.

When you put him to bed, perhaps read a story together and have a cuddle, but tell him very gently that as its your hair and you can't stay in his bed forever that you have to go, however say to him that your not leaving him or going to let anything happen, but mummy needs to take her hair with her. Something like that.

You could perhaps have a cuddle for a set time and then leave. Perhaps try and intergrate something that smells of you. I had one of my Dad's old T-Shirts that he could never wear after I'd finished with it. Make a big deal of it. Trouble is, when a child finds a comforter, nothing else WILL do. So the gentle process of allowing him time at night to cuddle and be soothed but tell him that you have to take your hair away but it'll be back tomorrow, may help.

Hope it does. It'll take time though. Good luck!

Answer 2

I have a similar problem with my daughter, she will not go to sleep at night unless she is with me, either laying on my lap or in bed with me and as soon as i move she goes crazy, she is only 1 however. I understand what you mean, i hate my little girl crying but i know that its going to cause major problems for all of us if she doesnt get used to her own bed so what im doing now is keeping her up as late as possible (until she falls asleep on her own) then i just put her in her own bed. As she is getting into a pattern of sleeping time im soon going to try putting her in her bed just before she goes to sleep so she gets used to being on her own.
Maybe the same thing will work for you and your boy. I dont think you need the stress of a howling child with the problems you have already and that may be an answer for you, although a slow one!

Answer 3

You have made a rod for your own back haven't you? This must stop straight away. You cannot blame your son as you have let him rule the roost. You are the hen and you tell him not the other way round. Be firm and if he screams and shouts then so be it. It is not normal for him to be in your bed at this age. If you do not stop it straight away you will just be making the situation worse. He knows he can play you and he is doing just that. Get a grip and show him you are the parent and he will do as he is told. Harsh I know but it is the only way you will break this habit.

Answer 4

What you need is something called tough love. Just put him in his bed and leave him, if he get out of the bed return him WITHOUT any interaction between the two of you. You may need to keep doing this thought the night but he will eventually fall asleep without any problems. I know this works as when we changed Jordan from a cot to a bed we had to keep doing this. I hope your husband gets better soon. My grandad has cancer and it is inoperable as it is pressing on his jugular vein and around other vital parts around that part of the body.

Answer 5

Firstly I hope your husband is well! The little soul has obviously picked up on the worries! I would suggest you make a little extra time for bed routine! About half an hour before you actually settle him into bed ... I would make for cuddle time! Sit on his bed with him and gently explain that you have lots of things to do, and that he is going to have to go to sleep! Once you put him down ... leave him. I know it does sound harsh, but they do seperate very quickly! If he really kicks off, go in settle him, and then leave! After the third time, you may have to be firm and tell him its' enough now, its bedtime!! Then leave him!! My daughter who is 2, went through a similar thing, and I just had to put my foot down. You should be able to explain to him .... and just build on the fact that he is a big boy now etc .. It will take a litle time, but you do need to be consistant and firm!!

Answer 6

it quite is what we do, my son is 15 months. i'm getting him very drowsy the two by utilising rocking or basically snuggling on the settee, then I lay him in his crib. If he fusses, I rub his abdomen or back, looking on how he comes to a decision he's going to sleep, and tell him its ok. As he starts off to nod off, I back faraway from the crib a pair steps. If he wakes, I enable him comprehend i'm there yet that he needs to pass night night. progressively this technique takes much less and much less time and there'll be much less and much less tears. Its no longer somewhat the cry it out technique and it style of feels to paintings for us. If he cries for extra beneficial than a pair minutes, I regularly %. him up and love on him, yet I enable him cry a sprint and love on him, yet i do no longer %. him up regularly. reliable success

Answer 7

dont be to harsh with him he is a baby after all and will grow out of this phase he is going through. take him to his own bed and let him fall asleep next to you and then go to your own bed. if he wakes for you then take him back to his own bed and let him fall asleep again. then go back to your own bed. keep doing this and he will eventually stop. make sure he gets loads of quality time during the day and even touching your hair. children are actually very clever and he has obviously picked up on the change in your house. dont turn this special time you have with him in to something negative. it will be something you will look back on in the future and be able to tell his children what their daddy used to do and you will all have a good laugh about it. enjoy your son and have a lovely christmas.

Answer 8

i think you need to nip this in the bud now. YOU are the adult and YOU need to show him whos boss, he`s dictating to you and your letting him coz your tired and just want to sleep. Blackmail works well , award him at the end of the week for sleeping on his own, and constant praise is soooo good with young children. Lets face it if he doesnt do it anywhere else thats its not really that much of an issue for him. Stop fussing over him and put your foot down !

Answer 9

i can understand it is hard, you not getting any break cos he is with you 24/7 which would drive you up the wall, but he could be picking up that your husband is not well,(i am sorry to hear), best thing for you to do is give him some sort if blanket to cuddle put him in his bed and if he gets out then pick him up and put him back in his bed and say in a calm voice IT'S BED TIME, then if he gets out again just pick him up and keep putting him back and walk straight away(no talking to him or he will be getting the attenion he is looking for) and it will take time but eventually he will get worn out from doing it, be positive anyone can do it providing they got will power, if you don't do it he will rule your life and you wont have any relaxing time, GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

Well, either youre going to cause him to grow and develop by allowing him to fall asleep on his own without you, or your going to project your own insecurities and fears onto him and keep giving in and putting him to sleep.

There is no other direction. Either he hashes it out for a night or two with screaming and arguing, or you go on doing this until he's in middle school. He's not going to magically reach a point where he wants something else. Children dont naturally switch comfort techniques when their preference is still avaible.

Sickness in the family, loss, death, handicaps, all these things are tragic, and painful to a child. But halting their development, and making special allowences because of them only takes away from their furture, it doesnt undo or fix the tragedy. Children adapt and grow through things like that, its parents who project their own fears and concerns about the situation who end up undoing the natural adaptation/recovery process. And later on you end up with a child who has developmental issues as well as emotional scars.

Regardless of your reasoning, he still needs to gain the confidence in himself and his surroundings to put himself to sleep without you physically being there. Its part of his growth and development as an individual. Not allowing him to gain that confidence, even by the nights of crying and carrying on and not giving in, only creates insecurities in him. The very thing you were trying to avoid in the first place.

Dont put him to sleep anymore. Put him to bed, but not to sleep. It might take a few nights of repeatedly putting him back to bed when he cries and chases after you. But once he gets a night or two under his belt he will have gained the confidence he needs to feel secure in his body, bed, and home.