Chronic pot-smoker, is he worth keeping around?

Question

I recently met a guy worth brining home to mom...The first 2 months have been so wonderful...we've barely been apart for more than 2 days at a time. Last night, we had plans to go ice-skating at Time Square. I went to go pick him up, and he was sitting on the couch in his boxers smoking pot with his roommate. Asked if I mind just staying in and picking up some McDonalds and watching a movie instead. I was a little disappointed, but wasn't going to make a fuss out of it. We sat on his couch the whole night, he drifted in and out of sleep, barely said a word to me, and continued to smoke. Practically baked out his entire livingroom.

We're not 18 years old anymore, and my patience is wearing very thin with "relationships". I suppose it could be much worse, but should I stick around and deal with this? He has pot all over his house, as well as bongs, and papers lying around everywhere. Should I consider this his one flaw and let it go? He's great in every other way...

Answer 1

Boy, it's a tough one. If he's truly that good in every other respect except his pot smoking behavior, there's some hope. I think it is not as much about whether or not he does pot. It's more about when and how much and how frequently he does it.

When you say last night, I'd imagine it's a Monday evening. If he's like everyone else, he probably had to go to work today. That's definitely not a casual occasional weekend kinda smoker. Secondly, if he chose to go against your plans to go out with you and instead sit home and smoke pot with his friend, he's either testing your limits of acceptance or is sending clear signs of what's important to him. And lastly, it's about how much he smokes too that can give you pointers about how far into it he is. From what you say, he's definitely not a school kid trying to get a feel for pot the first time - he's probably been doing a lot of it regularly. So, he may be a chronic pot smoker and you just may not be too aware of this till now.

It definitely is a more serious problem than something you can easily ignore as one flaw in an otherwise good man. Please try and talk to him about your concern. Be patient and empathetic and give him an opportunity to set his priorities right.

If you aren't convinced or he still happens to pursue his behavior, you may have to make the hard choice pretty soon. Remember, some day you guys may have a family and kids and you don't want to this behavior to influence your kids.

Answer 2

You know what someone said compromise with him that made since. Because he smokes pot is not a reason to leave him leave him if his not willing to work with you. Also because he smokes does not mean his lazy and wont do anything out of his life. I personally smoke pot and don't allow it to control me I wake up early in the morning work all day and get home take care of my business and then smoke some pot, just let him know when its your time leave it behind and if does not agree let him go he then is an idiot. Oh also be glad his not an alcoholic that's where you need to run at least with pot he wont say he was to smoked out know what he was doing. Good luck and think out side the box.

Answer 3

Ok in my opinion he is not worth taking Mom to mom because he is a pot head. If you stay with him you will only end up caught up in his inevitable legal problem when he gets busted because pot is illegal. If that doesn't happen the next thing you can look forward to is when he is 40 or so he will never come out of the basement away from his 14 year old pot head buddies long enough to take out the trash. That is if he still has enough brain cells left by then to remember where you put your trash.

Answer 4

This is the one way that is so not becoming. Let him go, let him go. What will you do when he is in the car with you, yall get pulled over, the car is searched, and weed is found? What then?

What if you are at his place and the cops come cause someone calls them and they search the place and see everything? What then?

Is this "relationship" worth it? I know that it isn't! Honey, no need to be disappointed anymore. You don't time to "wait" for him to grow up. Get out of this now before its too late.

This is not a flaw.

Answer 5

17 answers already. Let me weigh in anyways. You already know the answer to this. Is this the sort of behavior and environment you'd want to raise a child in? Could you handle never knowing if and when he's going to follow through or just "Veg out" and get a little stoked. As for that first question. Your "special guy" has all of this garbage laying about, you have children between you and the police come. Would you risk losing your children because of this stupidity?
You said you're not 18 anymore. It's time to grow up and face a little reality. A lot of businesses conduct random urinalysis drug screenings. Say he gets busted in one. Are you up for having to deal with the uncertainty and instability of not being able to rely on him for his contribution to the family bills? You can sit him down and try reasoning with him, but I doubt he is going to change. You're wasting your time. Move on smartly.

Answer 6

If your running thin on relationship then I would move on. This guy won't want to do anything with you. He needs to grow up. Sorry dear. If your running very thin with relationships you need to get rid of these guys and look for someone that wants the same thing. Stop wasting your time on these thugs!. For two years I didn't have a relationship because I didn't want it to end up with nothing in the end. I just dated til I found one. Now I"m happy with who I chose and we are getting engaged this Christmas. It might take time but he's out there. Good luck and happy holidays.

Answer 7

I was married to a chronic pot smoker for more than 20 years. We never had any thing but pot. Since he left me I have gained many good things. I will tell you it will not get better only worst. Think about what you want for yourself and your future children. Also ask yourself this. If the police knocked on the door, are you willing to go to jail because of his bad habit.

Answer 8

ok i was smoking pot all day too untill something happened and i had to get a job to get money. for that job i had to be "clean" and at any time they could test me. i valued my job more than drugs. pot made me verry self concious not stuck up but shy and that is why he didnt want to go to time square. if that is a pic of you id do just about anything to be your b/f but anyway he needs to stop if he wants you unless you smoke it too. if you dont tell him that he either gives up the pot or you will find someone else(or something like that) try to get him off the drugs change his friends because if he has the same friends he will keep doing it. gl MC

Answer 9

Oh please, this is not just one little flaw. This little flaw will destroy everything else that is great about him at some point.

Also, fast forward to being married to this man with children. Do you want your children to be exposed to this as an example of what a man is supposed to be like? Do you want to have you children growing up thinking being a pot-head is acceptable? Do you want to take the chance of being married to someone who may end up arrested for this behavior?

Honestly, would your mother approve if she knew about his habit? This guy is not a keeper. If you're serious about finding a man to spend the rest of your life on, don't settle for someone with this kind of problem.

Answer 10

Your right, it could be much worse (he could be a crack-head for one thing) but to find out if you should stay with this guy ask yourself a couple of simple questions (might not have simple answers though) 1st-DO I love this guy enough to put up with this "flaw" for (perhaps) the rest of our lives? 2nd-Can I do better than this guy being in my life? (meaning can you find someone that makes you feel like you WANT someone to make you feel or not?) I smoked pot daily for over 30 years (about an ounce a week personal use) and gave it up in a moment for the love of my life that I have now!! Pot or true-love? DUH!! Love obviously!!!!