So, its complicated...i've been with my girlfriend/partner for a long time. we met in the strangest of ways in the mtns. and in time fell in love. well we got into a fight and we broke up right? we're still hanging out though, i sleep with her, still madly love her and all that, now shes seeing another guy. i love her so much and we've been messing around with eachother for like 4 or 5 years...i dont know what to do...keep her or leave her? My heart is killing me over it all, and i just dont know what to do...I love her and dont want to give up on our relationship but i also cant put myself through the pain of rejection...
2006-12-19 02:58:59 · 28 answers · asked by We never change do we??? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go after her, you wont forgive yourself if you dont try
2006-12-19 03:00:28 · answer #1 · answered by smartmitch 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The answer to this is very simple and obvious but it will be hard for you to do. You need to back out. I understand how you feel. I know you don't want to lose her but technically you already have. You need to move on. This is no good for you and it doesn't sound like you'll get anywhere with her. If she's not commited to you and she's seeing other people then she's not serious about you. You'll be there hoping until she finds the guy she's looking for and then she'll stop fooling around with you and you'll be crushed. Right now you are a "just in case" for her - a security to hold on to if things with other people do not work out. That is not fair to you because you actually have feelings for her and you're hoping for more. Look at her actions. They tell you what she's not saying. If she felt the way you felt she would only be with you - period! Save yourself the pain and walk away. It will hurt to do it but it will hurt less than the drawn out pain you'll be feeling while she sees other people - not to mention the huge crush waiting around the corner when she decides to move on completely. Be a man and pull through it. Have some pride and self respect. You will find someone else that only wants to be with you and that is what you deserve.
2006-12-19 03:11:12 · answer #2 · answered by DiRTy D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking for advice are you really ready to take it? I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, but honestly why are you still sleeping with a woman who is seeing another guy and if you are both technically broken up?
I'm very sorry to say that it sounds like she's totally using you. People just don't break up and still hang out and sleep with each other while dating other people...unless it's agreed that you both have an open relationship like that.
You say you love her and don't want to give up on the relationship and you can't put yourself through the pain of rejection.
Let me put it to you this way, the truth is she has given up on your relationship otherwise she wouldn't waste her time seeing someone else which means she's already rejected you.
You say you are confused and hurt, truth be told there is nothing to be confused about. Everything is pretty clear, what you are confused about is what to do because you don't want to let go and you say messing around for 4-5 years sounds like pretty much that.
She's made it pretty obvious that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, however she also doesn't want to give up the comfort of having you around. You sticking around letting her date other men and sleep with you is basically you have become her security blanket/doormat and she won't ever respect you for that, no woman will.
Do you want to wait until she meets the man that she really does shove you aside for? Is it really fair to the other men that she does this? What kind of woman dates other men and still goes back to sleep with an ex? What makes you think she wouldn't do this to you again down the line over another fight?
My advice is that you leave her and salvage any self respect you have left. If it was meant to be then she will return to you, if not you will find someone else even if you don't believe it. Personally from what it sounds like, she isn't worth it and you are just hanging on to the past.
I don't mean to be harsh, but your situation is pretty cut and clear.
Just remember relationships shouldn't hurt, and if they hurt a lot then maybe you should rethink how much is it really worth it?
2006-12-19 03:13:17 · answer #3 · answered by hw 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to be the barer of bed news but rejection is a big part of life and the better you get at handling it the more successful you will be.Don't over complicate the situation, she wants her cake and wants to eat it too.You have to put your head up and not let her pull you by your heart strings.If you have told this women how you really feel and she is still seeing other people that means that she doesn't feel the same way.You can't force her into it and if you did it would end up being a miserable time sooner or later anyway.The best way to get over a lover is to find another!Start seeing other people but don't burden them with your feelings about this girl.Just let this girl know that your looking for something more than the occasional sexual gratification.And if you start seeing other people she just may realize that she is loosing something good-or happy for you that you found someone
else.good luck.
2006-12-19 03:18:46 · answer #4 · answered by JACK OF TRADES 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has already moved on. Going after her will only be wasting your time. Why do you love her so much if she is seeing another guy. She is seeing another guy most likely because you are not doing it for her. yes rejection hurts, but look at it this way. why would you want to be with a woman that does not love you and realize that you are the greatest guy in the world. Forgive her for
rejecting you. so that you get let go of the hurt,anger so that you will feel free in your heart to move on. Do you realize how lucky you are. Good Luck
2006-12-19 03:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, we can change. You deserve a better relationship than one with a woman who is seeing another man.
Yes, you will hurt for a while and be sad. You will miss her sometimes too. But then make a list of the ways she hurt you or wasn't there for you when you needed her. Soon, with time, you will realize that she wasn't the right person for you.
The right one is out there. Trust me, I've been where you are. It's seems that you'll always feel this way and that there will never be another person for you, but that's not the case. One day, when you least expect it, you'll find yourself attracted to another woman.
I know it's a hard thing to do, but end it for your owk sake (& give yourself a LOT of credit when you do.)
Take care of yourself.
2006-12-19 03:03:01 · answer #6 · answered by rockgeek56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her how she truely feels, tell her how much you care and dont want to lose her but you dont want to continue to be the "other guy" . If you got problems see if there is a way that you can both come up with an agreeable solution to make it better.
If you really love her you need to let her know how you feel otherwise she is gonna think that things are ok the way they are and you will lose her anyways. good luck.
2006-12-19 03:04:04 · answer #7 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be open and honest with her and see where she stands. Let her know exactly how you feel and what you want and ways you guys could achieve it.Depending on her reaction go from there. If shes willing to give it another exclusive go try it. If she doesn't want to be with you exclusively as much as it hurts cut ties there are still good women out there that will give you all you deserve.
2006-12-19 03:05:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a very painful situation. I would recommend ending it because it seems you are only going to get hurt worse in the end. Find someone who makes you happy!! It seems she has been just using you the past 4/5 year just for her entertainment till she found something better....that's no good!!
2006-12-19 03:02:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sean D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me and my bf went through this.
It hurt really bad. We are back together now though - but I cant get her out of my mind. the other girl.
If you can handle it - getting back with her is going to be hard.
If not go find someone good, plus it might make her jealous.
if you are young - you may just need time,space and grow up. It s hard and if you love her tell her, dont ever let pride get in your way.And be careful with those emotions, they can get out of whack during times like this.
Tell her, forget her, and move on. you cant force her and if you arent always there fo rher - she will see how much she misses you
2006-12-19 03:02:58 · answer #10 · answered by Mia l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a grip, be a man, take the bull by the horns. Either control or be controlled. No woman stays with wishy-washy.
Confidence is sexy and if that doesn't work, get down on your knees and beg her to stay with you.
Scuse me I'm off to go make a sandwich now.
2006-12-19 03:03:42 · answer #11 · answered by Rowdy Yayhoot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋