My boyfriend & I have talked about eloping...?

Question

our families want us to get married, but I don't know about eloping. Any thoughts?!

Answer 1

I think there is a lot to be said for elopement, but there is also a lot to be said for having a big, publicly witnessed wedding. Consider some of these pros and cons:

An elopement almost always costs less than a big showy wedding, but then you usually get a lot less in gifts, so economically, it may be something of a toss-up. That would depend on whether or not you are capable of arranging a nice wedding with guests and everything on a careful budget, and if the wedding gifts will be largely in cash.

But money is not, repeat NOT, the major consideration. The main thing is the two of you. Sometimes large weddings are great because you bring your friends and relatives together, so you have an easier time when you want to have parties as a married couple, because they know each other. Also, a large wedding means you have a lot of witnesses, so the chance you will be too casual about your vows is considerably reduced. After all, that's what those witnesses are for, traditionally: to prove that yes, you really are married.

An elopement is better for that couple with real problems in their families, especially if one or the other's entire family is against the union. You present them with a fait accompli, and they can like it or lump it. And of course, if your family is not well off financially, those gifts (usually luxury items) you forgo will not be nearly as important as the money you save.

If you imagine a big family wedding with everyone arguing and people refusing to come because someone they hate has been invited, or if you realize you are going to feel guilty about the money it cost your family to pay for a big wedding, then by all means consider eloping, or having a very small, intimate wedding that you can do informally. Just the immediate family in a little chapel with just nice clothes you already own would be even cheaper than an elopement, if money really is the main factor.

Consider, too, what memories you want to have, including the photo album full of pictures of you looking better than you ever have before or ever will again. If you have a good figure and can look great in a wedding gown, I say go that far even if you can't afford any reception other than an informal buffet at your parents' house. Indeed, you and your mother and sisters could do all the cooking if you kept it small enough.

If, like me, it would be humiliating to look at a picture of the day you were married (I have always been fat, but married four times in spite of it all), then go to the elopement and forget the photographs. Have a great time on your honeymoon, and come back to throw a party for your closest friends once you are settled in to your new home. Your friends will understand.

Answer 2

If you want a quick, intimate, cheap ceremony then elope. If you want the whole big occasion of a "proper" wedding then save up and get married in a church or hotel, in the end it is up to you, have you discussed what sort of wedding you want? Eloping can be romantic, but will you regret not having the trimmings of the big day? It's up to you what you see as important, personally I believe too many people place way too much importance on the showing off at a wedding, and the actual fact that you have gotten married is overshadowed by the event itself.

Answer 3

My wife and I considered eloping but opted for a small, non-traditional wedding ceremony with only our closest friends and family. We are SO happy we didn't elope. It felt great to have those we care about the most come to take part in our wedding. In order for your marriage to work you are sometime going to have to involve your friends and family, and in my opinion that has to start from day 1. We are happy, though that we were able to eschew most of the cheesy (and expensive!) parts of typical weddings that we just didn't care for.

Consider what kind of ceremony you want and make it happen. If in the end you don't think you can get what you want without eloping, then go ahead and elope... and maybe throw a big party for your friends and family later.

Answer 4

If you are considering eloping it means you have had doubts about the big, long, public, overpriced church wedding. I personally recommend eloping and with the money saved, have a fun, classy reception with some traditional elements. Have you considered Sandals Resorts - they do great weddings and then you can start your honeymoon right away.

Answer 5

Eloping is great! It's all about you two--not having a great ceremony and reception for show. Plus it is a lot cheaper and you can honeymoon in the same spot. You can elope in Tuscany (about 5000 dollars for the hooked up package) for cheaper than you can have an average wedding for! Congrats!!!

Answer 6

My husband and I eloped. We had the BEST wedding! We were able to do things the way WE wanted, not the way his mother wanted. We saved a ton of $ that we would have had to have spent ourselves as neither family wanted to contribute, they just wanted an invitation to a big fancy wedding. We've been married over 5 years now and still talk about what a great wedding we had. My MIL blames me of course for her not being able to be there but she never liked me anyway. My parents didn't care, they were just happy for us. I would'nt trade that day for any of the huge fancy weddings out there. It was perfect!

Answer 7

trust me elope not only do you save a shitload of money. but it is just as romantic. I eloped and had the best time of my life. our family was their. so just cause you elope doesnt mean your family cant be their. good luck

Answer 8

You should listen to your heart and talk over with your boyfriend to see how he feels about eloping.

Answer 9

I would say that would cut down on a lot of the fuss surrounding a wedding, also it would save a TON of $. they may be unhappy that you would do such a thing, but explain that you guys thought it through very carefully and youd like them to respect your decision. have a little party when you get back to make them all feel included.

Answer 10

I have many couples that come to me to get married very quickly. Save money on health insurance to pay for a more formal wedding later on. There is nothing wrong with it, always remember, this is your life and your marriage.