how do I get my son to want to come home from preschool, instead of having a tantrum at the site of us?

Question

I have a 3.5 yr old son who behaves really badly for my husband and I when we pick him up from school, It has become very discerning as we love him lots and look forward to taking him home each night, he seems to be the only child that does this that bad, he screams at us and hits and pushes us away.
amidst making us feel very bad it is embarrassing too, because people (peers, teachers) wonder why he so desperatly does not want to come home

Answer 1

For a 3.5 yr child,it cant be his fault in any case.It should be you or your husband,who might be missing something on your part probably.Yes I am not telling that its your or your husbands fault but just do a little research what makes the child uncomfortable to come home.And try to make him feel that you love him,thats it.After a soothing love from parents,child will again become normal.So not blaming you at all,I think just a little let go to child will solve the situation once you identify what the child wants or why he fears you.

Answer 2

First of all do not worry about what other people think, parents know children will walk all over them if they let them.

Obviously it is the 'end of his session' and he does not want it to be. His behaviour is him demanding his own way and the tantrum that follows is merely his reaction to him not getting it.

May you talk to the teacher on the side about asking her assistance in helping to support your collection of him. He simply needs to know 'nothing is going to be brought out'. You could wait until all the other parents and children have 'left' by way of the teacher giving him an excercise to do whilst they are leaving. Then she may remove his excercise and pack it away saying it is time to go and she could walk towards the door. He no longer has an audience or any reason to demand his own way.

Then you can make your presence known at the door but not enter the classroom (that is HIS territory and he will use it). The teacher could momentarily 'leave' giving you the 'space' to take 'charge'. Just quietly collect his things, look him in the eye and then simply walk slowly away as if you are going back to your car or entrance of building letting him think 'you are leaving without him'.

You may want to say 'are you coming or are you staying here all night in the dark by yourself because they will turn the lights out and there wont be any dinner or warm snuggly blankets'. Be gentle yet FIRM, generally speaking we are the ones missing 'something' and it is the trial and error before we find the book they were supposed to be born with.

Remember too, if he just gets 'better at it' there is always 'help' and nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to 'helping the child you love'.

Blessings be yours in peace and light
Harriett Potty ;)

Answer 3

I had the very same problem with my own son at the beginning of the school year. He doesnt do it anymore. What I found worked for me was first I would wait for him to come to me. And when he said he wanted to play first I would let him play until there was less people in the crowd. Also I would bring a snack for him. Or a juice box for the way home. I would tell him that I was soooo happy to see him and I missed him so much. And then at night when I put him to bed I would tell him he was going to have a GREAT day at school in the morning and then I would go over ther routine as to how it was going to go.. ie: Tomorrow you are going to have a great day at school, and then I will come to pick you up, and I will be sooo happy to see you! you will have a snack ect.. because sometimes I find they just need a bit of a routine remind him too that he will be coming back the very next day (or couple of day's)
Sort of just let him come around, provide him with a routine, and make sure you reinforce how much you love and miss him when he's gone. I think he'l come around. Dont worry though youre definetly not the only one this happens to.

Answer 4

Children are really good at this age at communicating through actions. Your child has a reason he does not like coming home!!! You are just missing it. And to top it off you are punishing him for it by placing him in time out. You really need to find the cause of his hesitation in returning home. I run a preschool and this is not typical behavior. Many times children cry when being dropped off and if a child is unhappy that behavior does not change. But going home should always be a happy time. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP for your Childs sake! It could be an emotional or mental issue. You won’t know if you don’t check.

Answer 5

If you stick him in time out every time you get home (like others have suggested) then he's really going to hate going with you guys! If he only did this every once in a while, that would be one thing... the time out might be the right idea. But it sounds like this is a regular occurrence. He's expressing some pretty intense (consistent) feelings here. I think you should go the other route. Maybe you guys could do some sort of regular fun activity every time you pick him up so when he sees you, he know he's going to go home to do this fun activity with you and he'll be happy to go. Plus, a little quality time never hurts anybody.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

I would not take it SO personally, kids do not do this to make you feel bad but rather because they either don't want to be interrupted from what they are currently doing, or have a hard time transitioning. Its possible he just doesn't transition as easy as other kids (don't compare he he). I would try talking to the teachers and when you show up give him a time limit like 3 Min's and tell him "you have 3 Min's to finish what you are doing and then its time to go home" (set a timer, to keep it consistent!.)

At that point its time to go and I would get down on his level, look at him and say "its time to leave now", grab your coat and bags. If he freaks I would remain VERY calm and keep walking with him to your car.

Also try to have something at home (a new book, TV show, 1 on 1 time with you before dinner, let him help with dinner preparation, etc) for him to look forward to.

good luck!

Answer 7

I have a child in my daycare that goes to preschool parttime. She did the same thing for her parents it got so bad my mom offered to pick her up my (mom is another daycare provider) to make it easier on her mom because she hated to see her do this. I believe it is a control thing. It is something they can do just because they can get away with it. Now when my mom picks her up. She is an angel. If her Grandmother drops her off she's fine. She knows she can get away with it from her parents because she is allowed to do what she wants. She gets what she wants. She is learnign to control her parents. I don't know if this is the same situation for you if it is you need to get to the root of the problem. It will take some time.

Answer 8

You need to nip this in the bud quickly as it can develop & evolve into much worse behavior he when he gets older. You need to realize that once you strip everything else away, this is basically your son trying to establish that HE is in control, NOT you or your husband.
Once you've established that YOU are in control. I would talk to the school, I'm sure they see this all the time & have a lot of experience that'll be helpful. If that doesnt help, seek a counselor.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Okay, he is 3-1/2 and how old are you and your husband? Who are the adults and who is the child. You will fix the problem when he has truly embarrassed you, because up until now he hasn't because you continue to deal with it. Nip it in the bud.

Answer 10

Make homecoming an enjoyable experience. Tell him, you have something waiting for him at home. Keep it simple but something new everytime.

Tantrums are a part of growin up and this is his way of showing you guys that he hates school but you guys are sending him to one. Many a times I stop after school at a candy store, or simply window shop, my son ejoys that!